Warrior Chicken
Sponsor
This thread is intended for all who have a tricky time of explaining their inabilities to others from one day to the next. Perhaps we can knock down some distorted thinking together!
I also hope to gain perspective here, cuz my view is such that anything I can do one day and not another is a failure/weakness —->excuse. Seeing that I don’t assign the same standards to anyone else, I get that it’s a distortion. One that is super well coded for me, sure there have been times it’s useful to use when getting my butt mobile. There are many times it’s not, cuz I’ll push myself outside my window of tolerance without knowing it and forgetting to harness myself into the rope. Then....the fall. Weeeeeeee. (Which can be super fun btw, but only if you know how the anchors set, length of rope, condition of eqpt, etc....)
It was recently explained to me that excuses are tangled with guilt, shame, judgement. Reasons are what we provide to others, if they are interpreted as excuses —-> that’s a judgement from the other person. If we call them excuses——>we’re judging ourselves.
when someone says it don’t accept that excuse’ ‘what’s your excuse’, it’s a judgement (using the above rule as explained to me) or if we say ‘my excuse is....’ we’re placing judgement on ourselves.
What I have a very hard time accepting is that I can do anything that’s required given the right circumstances.....simple example:
I may be entirely triggered before going into a very crowded area and want to avoid every possible interaction with it. But, if someone is injured/in danger or needs something that I can assist with, trigger gets pushed aside and I’ll go. There a consequences of course.
So, if I can function without entering into collapse or extreme avoidance under certain circumstances, my brain judges harshly when I ‘abandon a mission’, so to speak, cuz I can do it if I just bash forward and keep
moving.
What are your thoughts on excuses vs reasons?
There are no wrong answers
I also hope to gain perspective here, cuz my view is such that anything I can do one day and not another is a failure/weakness —->excuse. Seeing that I don’t assign the same standards to anyone else, I get that it’s a distortion. One that is super well coded for me, sure there have been times it’s useful to use when getting my butt mobile. There are many times it’s not, cuz I’ll push myself outside my window of tolerance without knowing it and forgetting to harness myself into the rope. Then....the fall. Weeeeeeee. (Which can be super fun btw, but only if you know how the anchors set, length of rope, condition of eqpt, etc....)
It was recently explained to me that excuses are tangled with guilt, shame, judgement. Reasons are what we provide to others, if they are interpreted as excuses —-> that’s a judgement from the other person. If we call them excuses——>we’re judging ourselves.
when someone says it don’t accept that excuse’ ‘what’s your excuse’, it’s a judgement (using the above rule as explained to me) or if we say ‘my excuse is....’ we’re placing judgement on ourselves.
What I have a very hard time accepting is that I can do anything that’s required given the right circumstances.....simple example:
I may be entirely triggered before going into a very crowded area and want to avoid every possible interaction with it. But, if someone is injured/in danger or needs something that I can assist with, trigger gets pushed aside and I’ll go. There a consequences of course.
So, if I can function without entering into collapse or extreme avoidance under certain circumstances, my brain judges harshly when I ‘abandon a mission’, so to speak, cuz I can do it if I just bash forward and keep
moving.
What are your thoughts on excuses vs reasons?
There are no wrong answers