Excuses vs Reasons - what’s your take?

Rani G2

There is this force of guilt in me hard to ignore, oversee and just to put aside and get on with daily life. My actions past and present (Becoming lesser and lesser) must always run through a moral filter: So I was a child at the age of 6(That’s the age I remember) who was conditioned to believe that she is a child of a sinner, evil, so punishment is justified. It’s like >>>>> I cannot deny my own depravity and the caregiver is showing this to me in multiple ways>>>> the child melts with the perpetrator so it was understandable that to stay alive I took over my abusers voice.

For me the selfblame narrative (And sometimes still does) Gives me a sense of control even if this sounds like nonsense to the rational brain. The moment I can truly differentiate where it’s coming from, not today but the kid that tried her very best to survive in 1987 then I do not need to be forgiven from anyone else, it’s more reconciliation that needs to be done internally although I’m still struggling on some days with this it does get easier over the years! It’s like running through a labyrinth with a map in the hand.


So ...I was looking for another post I wrote several years ago (I forget in answer to what question) where I talked about how f*cked up I was by domestic violence, that I actually needed to justify using the bathroom. Yeah. Talk about a frog boiling in water, there. Whilst searching for it, I found THIS thread >>> What Replaces The Need For External Validation? <<< Where that piece only gets mentioned in passing, but the thread itself is very on the money.