Sufferer Hello (: CPTSD, looking to not feel so alone, as I may be moving out on my own.

[Friday]

Everyone here is mad about it. Like they have "professional disagreements" about it over email. Ugh I hate that I cause that.

YOU didn’t cause that. The policy is causing that, which is why it’s a professional disagreement; YOU are just one of many who are affected by the painfully stupid -and possibly criminal, once one starts talking duty of care- policy.

It’s okay that others have chosen to fight for you. The same way that if it was one of your housemates, instead of you? That it would be okay for you -and the professionals involved- to fight for them.

 

[Calm in the chaos]

YOU didn’t cause that.

Hmm this is interesting actually, because to me, I am the only person I've ever spoken to about something like this (or read about, but I don't read much about this type of thing) who has caused something like this to happen.

I'm gonna write this out, because this isn't the first time other professionals have disagreed quite strongly with my home-team. It might've been a common theme.

Okay I did just spend a solid hour writing here all the times they'd made very questionable decisions about me. It was getting really long and I wasn't done so I copied it to my clipboard incase I wanna finnish it. I seriously must be the problem here, like am I insane? They are an entire f*cking Local Authority. Like, they cannot have ignored duty of care when I was 12. They. Couldn't. Have.
Legally.
I swear they have to write reports about the decisions they make.
And if they did then the world can get f*cked. Even I can say that would be f*cked up shit. Even as I'm writing this, I'm remembering more things that they did that doesn't/didn't seem right.
Maybe it's just from my POV. Professionals/staff have always agreed with me though, from various hospitals/placements.

But like, okay. Okay. Every young person/young adult with Social Workers/PA's/Home-teams I've met out of County have had completely different experiences to me. Their entire agenda has been so so different. It's always been welfare first. Regardless.

ARGH.
All the social workers I've met who have nothing to do my LA have been exactly that. Like they've been amazing. But I've never been able to speak to them for long, it's only ever been in MHA's that I've met one not from home-Town.

Wierd.

The same way that if it was one of your housemates, instead of you?

Yeah. Thinking about it, I did extremely vaguely explain to one of my housemates the current sitch. She was fuming, and she doesn't get mad often. She knows I have trauma from there, and she knows how shit my home-team are. She even said that I should come n live with her mum! She did some of the convincing for me to fight their decision on this.

I don't like the fighting for me thing. I'm basically insane, even on antipsychotics. Let should let me go. They don't need to hold the pieces together anymore. I don't deserve them, or that.
Do appreciate it though. Real nice of them.

 

[Movingforward10]

You do deserve someone fighting your corner. 100% you do.
And I am glad you have that. Because you need it.

Some social workers are great. Some not so.
Some local authorities are great. So not to.
They can and do make mistakes.
If you ever wanted to, you can request to read the file they have on you. So you could see why and how they made decisions, because they would have had to record that. Not an easy thing to request or read, so might not feel like the right time right now.

shouldn't take the credit though, all of what I have was practically handed to me. And the bits I know about myself were pointed out for me, or are just super easy to figure out. But thank you!

You should take the credit! It takes courage to see and listen and hear what someone is saying about you and your life. And you have listened and reflected and found some answers about what you want, what makes you safe etc. That takes some people many many years, and you have done it already.