Which voice to listen to? New job with problems

[Widow_of_one]

I found a new job and the man has “functioning dementia” the first two weeks he was screaming at me when he didn’t get his way. Now 3 weeks later I feel uncomfortable all day around him. I work 11 days on live in 24 hour Duty then I have off for 3 short days. He works me like an animal and I am exhausted on my days off I can barely get anything done. One of my non verbal alters said “to stay until November 1st” and flashed a Polaroid image of the date “November 1st”. Yesterday as I was around him I kept hearing the song to “wkrp in Cincinnati” the line “I’m tied of packing and unpacking” whcih is some things of else I share about this job: I usually only do 25/7 live in work. My question is this: why do I listen to?

 

[Friday]

My question is this: why do I listen to?

I’m confused, sorry.

The choice is between quitting Nov 1st and…? Not quitting? Quitting today?

 

[Sideways]

With employment, I tend to give fairly reasoned consideration to all the relevant factors in play: stuff like "how will I pay rent". I don't let any single insider make big decisions like that. And very definitely not lyrics from songs.

 

[Movingforward10]

11 days on, 3 days off? That in itself sounds full on and anyone would be exhausted. Is there a way of changing that pattern?

On top of that you have someone with dementia who screams at you. Is the screaming miscommunication and will that get better after you get to know each other more? I.e is he scared and unsure around you, hence the screaming? And are you learning what works for him, and will your deepening understanding help improve his mental state/safety?

Ultimately, is there another job you can go to?
How badly do you need this job?
What can you do to make it better?

So are the options: quit or stay? Or can this improve or not, and then quit or stay?

 

[coraxxx]

Ah, the constant DJ set in the head is quite something.

I don't think it's about choosing a voice over another. It's understanding that the situation is triggering contradicting feelings.

I guess giving the thing a proper assessment would be good. Is this work worth it? How hard it is to find something else? Do I have savings to dodge the quitting? And hatch a plan. It's difficult to do in moments of exhaustion like this.

 

[Widow_of_one]

I’m confused, sorry.

The choice is between quitting Nov 1st and…? Not quitting? Quitting today?

One alter showed me a “Polaroid picture” of “Nov 1st”. The others weren’t specific just leave.

With employment, I tend to give fairly reasoned consideration to all the relevant factors in play: stuff like "how will I pay rent". I don't let any single insider make big decisions like that. And very definitely not lyrics from songs.

Wow! Thank you I keep telling them all to shut up bc I need the money!! Lol

 

[HealingMama]

This is a decision that I would allow everyone to weigh in on, but not dictate the decision. I would interpret the music and images as parts weighing in on things. Me as ANP would be looking for another job closer to what I am used to in terms of work schedule and actual tasks. Or trying to negotiate with the agency or the family to get the work schedule you are used to.

I am new to consciously working with parts but my thinking is that they get to share their opinions, feelings and needs. I do my best to incorporate what they want in my decisions. I become aware of the conflicts happening. I identify the needs that are not being communicated clearly.

 

[Widow_of_one]

11 days on, 3 days off? That in itself sounds full on and anyone would be exhausted. Is there a way of changing that pattern?

On top of that you have someone with dementia who screams at you. Is the screaming miscommunication and will that get better after you get to know each other more? I.e is he scared and unsure around you, hence the screaming? And are you learning what works for him, and will your deepening understanding help improve his mental state/safety?

Ultimately, is there another job you can go to?
How badly do you need this job?
What can you do to make it better?

So are the options: quit or stay? Or can this improve or not, and then quit or stay?

Today when we woke up he was having severe memory issues unlike I’ve never seen before: he couldn’t rmeber he wished his daughter in law a happy birthday, he couldn’t rmeber he left his fiend Gary a voice mail sting he couldn’t do lunch tomorrow with the boys! I’ve been here 5 weeks and this is a first!

No screaming today except for once when he wanted his juice early!

maybe you are right he is just getting used to me and me him? Today I saw that his yelling is a way of hiding his memory issues. I’ve noticed that 2 weeks ago he had a day and a half of being “lost” very little communication. And he had fleeting moments of confusion - I k ow what that looks like bc I sometimes get it due to c-ptsd.

yes I have options but you never know when you take a new job as to what you’ll get.

i usually do “companion cases with mild dementia - no screaming, I hate screaming - but, covid has changed all that. Over the past year, I’ve done lifting (transferring case), husband and wife cases (whcih I hate) and now “moderate dementia” (severe dementia is they don’t know their name or what year it is)…maybe god is trying to break me out of my comfort zone?

Thank you all for helping I appreciate it! I had an odd thing happen to me last March.
I was doing the “transfer case” and the man was doing well when I saw a “picture in my mind” of me leaving in July 2021. I thight it was way off but sure enough he died august 2 suddenly!!
Now I’ve become “aware” of what goes on inside of my mind bc that “alter” was so accurate!

This is a decision that I would allow everyone to weigh in on, but not dictate the decision. I would interpret the music and images as parts weighing in on things. Me as ANP would be looking for another job closer to what I am used to in terms of work schedule and actual tasks. Or trying to negotiate with the agency or the family to get the work schedule you are used to.

I am new to consciously working with parts but my thinking is that they get to share their opinions, feelings and needs. I do my best to incorporate what they want in my decisions. I become aware of the conflicts happening. I identify the needs that are not being communicated clearly.

What’s “ANP”?

 

[HealingMama]

What’s “ANP”?

"apparently normal part" The part usually controlling the body that keeps regular life going.

 

[Widow_of_one]

Ah, the constant DJ

No it’s not constant but I’ve noticed that songs pop into my head and they’d rem to include a topic surfacing in my life. For example, I kept hearing the song from “wkrp” a song I used to hear as a kid in the 70s. Suddenly i heard the words: tired of packing and unpacking…whcih is how I feel about this job.
Other songs: seem to elude me in terms of meaning and application.

tell me, are there people who have a constant “dj” in there head? I don’t have a constant one but I seem to have a couple of non verbal alters one who s repeats songs…

"apparently normal part" The part usually controlling the body that keeps regular life going.

Holy crap!! Wow you know a lot about this stuff! Thankbyou

So I just had yet another uncomfortable situation with him!

this entire thing reminds me of growing up! We’d have an Arguement with my mom or grandfather and then everyone would act as if nothing happened - except me I’d be angry for days, or months!

 

[Widow_of_one]

This is something I should have mentioned about this client.

for the first time in my life I’ve had to keep notes with me when I do his morning and evenings preparation. At first I thought it was becaue it was excessive: 6 creams on face in morning, 3 on back, etc.

but there was Soemrhjng else:

when I am with him I HAVE NO MEMORY. None I can’t Remeber the next step. It shocked me seeing myself this way. There were times when I felt like I “cousin t fight” whcih struck me as strange because I’ve always been a fighter esp towards work. Am I seeing msyelf as I am and didn’t know it? Or is this man triggering me to have a dissociative event?

typically in this profession I am perfect - always one step ahead of the client. Not this guy, by writing things down I’ve noticed that he would change the routine on me daily due to his dementia. It there has always been a lingering doubt about my hypothesis because I’ve caught him intentionally doing bad things to upset me.
(Whcich btw is exactly like my grandfather who was the primary abuser of me more like ringleader encouraging his family and fiends to abuse me as well.)

Back to my current client, one day I placed a very heavy coffee creamer on the table by him and walked away and it fell on the floor!
there is no way that I placed that creamer that close to the edge - he knocked it off to create excitement.

Ive experienced this many many times before with clients:

Lloyd - I stood up and almost touched his cancerous ear and he accused me of touching him when I know I didn’t.

curent client, I moved his walker close to him and he said I touched his foot.

both of these events I’ve attributed to “lack of social interaction” and what I call “creating drama”. As we age often the only intereaction these people get is from me. They need stimuli and have no scruples as to inventing situations that didn’t happen. Odd.

thsi guy is full on criminal. He also accUsed me of leaving the back door unlocked when I know I didn’t do it. He screamed at me and I screamed back saying he did it and he shut up and walked away.

 

[Sideways]

Or is this man triggering me to have a dissociative event?

Potentially this is happening because of this:

this entire thing reminds me of growing up!

So, you're responding in fight/flight mode, and sometimes dissociating entirely because your brain has associated this with pre-existing trauma issues.