Strugglingsaks
Learning
I lived in a neighbourhood when I was younger where alot of bad things happened to me and my family. in the past two years I have gotten married and now I have been living in that same neighbourhood for over six months. needless to say it is really bringing up a host of problems for me. I am diagnosed with a personality disorder, BP1, bulimia , and CPTSD .. I have been triggered every single day since I have been here and every day I keep waiting for it to stop or lessen and its not. I am anxious all the time and my general mental health is so so so bad right now. no one seems to care though. no one. I am here unwillingly and I hate that no one cares. I don't know what to do at this point I don't know where to turn. where I am I don't have access to care and its making everything worse. I feel suicidal everyday and I am getting scared of my own mind. I keep thinking of ways to end myself to make it all stop. I do want to live to see my future and I cannot die this way because of my family but I am so alone... I have no friends, my ex best friend talked about my trauma to people and I don't trust any one anymore because of it.. I want help so bad.. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be happy that I get to wake up and live another day, not be upset that its daytime again. I hate my life, I hate that I have no real support, I hate that I am stuck in a situation I have no control over... I have tried everything to make myself feel better and nothing has worked. im just so done. im so done.. im tired....