@HealingMama , I hope this is ok to add, as something came to me, after being used to AD(H)D and trauma, with myself and around me/ in my family, in spades (both what I've lived and what I've witnessed):
A really great psychologist I knew used to also do marriage counselling and said only one type of couple he couldn't assist: those who wanted someone to 'officially' say it was over.
Curiously, however, many people coming from abuse think there's only 2 choices: leave because of abuse/ fear, or stay and tolerate everything else.
To complicate matters, the human brain doesn't leave alone what is incomplete: stay or go, but choose it says.
And stress or financial strain, +/or no sleep often makes love feel like it flies out the window. It will be a valley and a challenge.
It seems most people 'check out' well before they leave, Which is why for example affairs are less about the other person as already choosing to look for what seems preferable (not inferring you're cheating, one can leave emotionally as well as physically). But of course all relationships will have problems eventually, just different problems.
It does help if the people around you understand, but the truth is some won't, or can't. Also too, in your case that is your H, the loss of you might be frightening to him, so it may feel best for him not to think of, and therefore can be construed (rightfully so, sometimes) as lacking in support. It will be a choice to give the benefit of the doubt, and require vulnerability on your part.
Lastly, anxiety/ fear leaves most everyone feeling alone, unheard and misunderstood. And that's without DID. (And trauma of course, well that is One Big Bag of Tricks. ).
JMHO, but others are right, I don't think there's a rush, but taking all of the above together, I think it helps to choose to be either all in, to look for the best in your H, or and not let yourself go down the same negative road, or to decide that is not what you want. Both will have pros and cons and take work. But it won't feel like cyclical disappointment, because you'll either be able to be more loving and understanding (hopefully of one another), or you will move on.
Hope that helps, disregard if it doesn't. (I know only for myself I have to choose, with all decisions, to 'sh*t or get off the pot', as they ungracefully say, but for me it is true, though scary. And I'm not big on commitment but sometimes (often) I even get sick of myself, or sick of being sick, or tired of not taking a healthier, more peaceful approach. Using those extra thoughts or focus, to focus on what is happy, what is good, what is going better than it could be, what there is to be thankful for, or to create to look forward to, even if small, instead of focusing on negatives, or re-creating them. )
I hope you can cut yourself, and your H too some slack, sounds like it's been very stressful, and get through this rough time either becoming closer or starting anew. I wish you the very best.
A really great psychologist I knew used to also do marriage counselling and said only one type of couple he couldn't assist: those who wanted someone to 'officially' say it was over.
Curiously, however, many people coming from abuse think there's only 2 choices: leave because of abuse/ fear, or stay and tolerate everything else.
To complicate matters, the human brain doesn't leave alone what is incomplete: stay or go, but choose it says.
And stress or financial strain, +/or no sleep often makes love feel like it flies out the window. It will be a valley and a challenge.
It seems most people 'check out' well before they leave, Which is why for example affairs are less about the other person as already choosing to look for what seems preferable (not inferring you're cheating, one can leave emotionally as well as physically). But of course all relationships will have problems eventually, just different problems.
It does help if the people around you understand, but the truth is some won't, or can't. Also too, in your case that is your H, the loss of you might be frightening to him, so it may feel best for him not to think of, and therefore can be construed (rightfully so, sometimes) as lacking in support. It will be a choice to give the benefit of the doubt, and require vulnerability on your part.
Lastly, anxiety/ fear leaves most everyone feeling alone, unheard and misunderstood. And that's without DID. (And trauma of course, well that is One Big Bag of Tricks. ).
JMHO, but others are right, I don't think there's a rush, but taking all of the above together, I think it helps to choose to be either all in, to look for the best in your H, or and not let yourself go down the same negative road, or to decide that is not what you want. Both will have pros and cons and take work. But it won't feel like cyclical disappointment, because you'll either be able to be more loving and understanding (hopefully of one another), or you will move on.
Hope that helps, disregard if it doesn't. (I know only for myself I have to choose, with all decisions, to 'sh*t or get off the pot', as they ungracefully say, but for me it is true, though scary. And I'm not big on commitment but sometimes (often) I even get sick of myself, or sick of being sick, or tired of not taking a healthier, more peaceful approach. Using those extra thoughts or focus, to focus on what is happy, what is good, what is going better than it could be, what there is to be thankful for, or to create to look forward to, even if small, instead of focusing on negatives, or re-creating them. )
I hope you can cut yourself, and your H too some slack, sounds like it's been very stressful, and get through this rough time either becoming closer or starting anew. I wish you the very best.