whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I have an ongoing preoccupation with death. Actually, I'm not sure preoccupation is the right word. I don't deliberately sit and think about it all the time, but nearly everything leaves me thinking about it. This isn't new, and I suspect it's a big reason I've been so depressed the last...well, however long it's been.
I'm 60. I do think it got worse as I got older. It's always been there, though, in one form or another. Always, since I can remember.
So what happens is: I will think about starting something new, and the immediate thought is, "There's no point. I'm old and I'll die soon." Or I'm brushing my teeth, and I wonder what of the stuff in my bathroom will get pitched when I die and what can be used by someone. Or I go shopping and don't buy something I want because it will just be one more thing for my brother to get rid of when I die.
This is paralyzing. I don't know how to stop thinking that is this pervasive. It's like a cloud or mist that is with me wherever I go.
This isn't about *wanting* to die. I honestly don't. I think it's more about being afraid, not of dying, but of being gone.
It's another thing that is always in my thoughts. About how people were here, alive, and then they leave this empty space when they die. And that none of it *really* matters.
Anybody else struggle with this? I really need some ideas for curbing the intense anxiety that accompanies all of this.
I'm 60. I do think it got worse as I got older. It's always been there, though, in one form or another. Always, since I can remember.
So what happens is: I will think about starting something new, and the immediate thought is, "There's no point. I'm old and I'll die soon." Or I'm brushing my teeth, and I wonder what of the stuff in my bathroom will get pitched when I die and what can be used by someone. Or I go shopping and don't buy something I want because it will just be one more thing for my brother to get rid of when I die.
This is paralyzing. I don't know how to stop thinking that is this pervasive. It's like a cloud or mist that is with me wherever I go.
This isn't about *wanting* to die. I honestly don't. I think it's more about being afraid, not of dying, but of being gone.
It's another thing that is always in my thoughts. About how people were here, alive, and then they leave this empty space when they die. And that none of it *really* matters.
Anybody else struggle with this? I really need some ideas for curbing the intense anxiety that accompanies all of this.