Sufferer I awoke and realized that l have ptsd

[Survivor3]

Hiya, what's your support network like?

Family, friends, therapist?

 

[Lostlotus]

Hiya, what's your support network like?

Family, friends, therapist?

Hi and thank you for your reply! I really do not have much of a support system. My daughter understands even though I have not discussed the details. I would like to have therapy it is just not affordable and the free therapy is terrible. I guessed I have always been my own therapist but this is over the top. My understanding of my lifelong symptoms helps a lot because there is an explanation for them. It is not my fault and I am not to inferior. Thank you!

 

[Nevermore]

Hi Lostlotus,
Welcome. Yes, it's definitely not your fault and you are not inferior - but I understand the need to say that. I'm around your age, and also lived several decades without an understanding of PTSD. It was picked up accidentally when I was trying to take part in a hospital experiment for people with depression. After that, I found out more and it all made sense. It's really hard when you've lived so much of your life unaware of the reasons for some of your own strange and automatic reactions! In a way, it becomes part of your identity - and maybe it is. I've been aware for over ten years now, and the trauma dates back to when I was 12. I have come a long way, but it seems like I will always have PTSD.
The most important thing is what you said - it's not your fault and you are not inferior!! Whether or not you can heal it. It's a natural reaction to something that happened to you. I always try to remember that. Acceptance is the biggest healer for me.
I usually just lurk here, but I related to your messages. Glad you found this place.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Welcome to the forum.

I understand completely what you're going through.

I too, had been symptomatic for years before finding out I had ptsd. I too, thought that it was just me, that I was different to everyone else, that I was weak for not dealing with trauma as everyone else seemed to, and as I had no comparisons, I thought everyone had the same narcissistic upbringing I had, so why was I so different to everyone else?

I spent years blaming myself when it wasn't my fault. I'm still processing my traumas, and few people understand what its like having a narcissistic parent. On this forum, there are people who do, there are people who have been through similar traumas and people who have been through much worse, but we understand, and we support each other.

 

[Lostlotus]

Hi Lostlotus,
Welcome. Yes, it's definitely not your fault and you are not inferior - but I understand the need to say that. I'm around your age, and also lived several decades without an understanding of PTSD. It was picked up accidentally when I was trying to take part in a hospital experiment for people with depression. After that, I found out more and it all made sense. It's really hard when you've lived so much of your life unaware of the reasons for some of your own strange and automatic reactions! In a way, it becomes part of your identity - and maybe it is. I've been aware for over ten years now, and the trauma dates back to when I was 12. I have come a long way, but it seems like I will always have PTSD.
The most important thing is what you said - it's not your fault and you are not inferior!! Whether or not you can heal it. It's a natural reaction to something that happened to you. I always try to remember that. Acceptance is the biggest healer for me.
I usually just lurk here, but I related to your messages. Glad you found this place.

Hi nevermore, thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. I know that it is a shock to realize these things later on in life. When I was in kindergarten I was sent to a phycologist and I have always remembered this. At the time I did not know why I was there. They were trying to figure out who had abused me in the home. I couldn't remember any abuse in the home but they blamed my mother anyway. My mom blamed me saying that I lied about her. Dad blamed mom and a divorce a year later. Guess what? It was a complete stranger that abused me and tried to kill me when I was alone in the woods. My parents did not know about me being in the woods because I was at a baby sitter and they did not even know.
The feeling of being inferior comes from self blame but is also reinforced by a world not accepting of people that are different. People ask what's wrong with you, the cat got your tongue, why don't you smile you look like you lost your best friend and so on. I know that I am not the only one to be treated like an outcast.
I hope all goes well for you and your recovery. You seem to have a positive attitude which I believe is very important. It is so easy to get cought up on the down side. Thank you so much and have a good day!

Welcome to the forum.

I understand completely what you're going through.

I too, had been symptomatic for years before finding out I had ptsd. I too, thought that it was just me, that I was different to everyone else, that I was weak for not dealing with trauma as everyone else seemed to, and as I had no comparisons, I thought everyone had the same narcissistic upbringing I had, so why was I so different to everyone else?

I spent years blaming myself when it wasn't my fault. I'm still processing my traumas, and few people understand what its like having a narcissistic parent. On this forum, there are people who do, there are people who have been through similar traumas and people who have been through much worse, but we understand, and we support each other.

Hi notsurewheretoturn,
Thank you for your reply! I am grateful to you and everyone here for making me feel welcome. My mom was mentally unstable then she married a phycopath and it was all down hill from there. It seems like life can be one trauma after another. I do understand what you are going through. Thanks again!