Surgery postponed - feeling low

[Movingforward10]

You're not being dumb.

It is hard to ask those things. But also, maybe he hasn't offered because he thinks you want someone else to do it and that you would ask him if you wanted him to? Idk. But it is really hard asking for something like that, so understandable.

 

[scout86]

Sorry, I'm being dumb

I don't think you're being dumb. (And I'd be totally willing to bet the rest of the gang hear doesn't think that either.)

My own experience is that this whole "asking for help" thing is complicated and hard. You weren't raised to think you deserved it or that it's ok to need it. Navigating the path to what's actually true is tough. Especially alone. So it's good that you're bringing it up here.

Although that just feels like I'm bothering her and being too demanding

I think what you're actually doing is giving her a chance to do her job. Part of that is communicating with you. She can't really do the best to coordinate things if she doesn't know what people are dealing with. And just asking her to clarify why the 6 weeks isn't a big deal. Or it doesn't seem like it should be. Simple question, shouldn't be a big deal to answer.

that involves making an appointment with the doctor and being "needy".

The doctor isn't going to know how much pain & difficulty you're having unless you give them the information. In a perfect world, I'd like to think they'd ask but..... Anyway, I'm not sure what your options are for contacting the doctor. Here, I could send an email, but if you need to make an appointment, so be it. How about an appointment (or other form of communication) where you explain the issues you're up against (Pain, how much, what it causes problems with, like work etc. Mobility, can't get to the store from the back of the parking lot, or whatever.) Then say something like "I was wondering if there are options to help navigate the next 6 weeks, like maybe more help with the pain and maybe a disability placard for the time being." I don't think that's you being needy, I think it's you giving them information they need if they're going to do a better job of helping you.

I want is to ask my boyfriend. But he hasn't offered.

I have no idea why he hasn't offered. One of my farrier clients recently told me that "mind reading is actually often a form of hypervigilence." So, rather than assuming he hasn't offered because he doesn't want to. You might consider taking the risk of asking. Maybe he's so used to you going overboard "not being needy" that it never occurred to him that you might need or want help. (Have you ever talked about this "being needy" business with him? Does he know it's kind of a thing with you?) It's totally fair to think about it. It's also totally fair to talk to him about it. I have no idea how he'll respond, but I think it's the kind of thing that's important to know, no matter what. I'd have some reservations about someone who wasn't willing to help a friend. (Looking back on it, I can see that I've gotten into some less than good relationships because I don't ask much of people so the people who tend to be self centered are the ones who see me as a promising potential partner. Not saying he's like that, because I don't know, but it's part of this whole "not wanting to be a bother" package.)

 

[Freddyt]

happens Muttley. Sorry you have to live in pain that much longer but, go through your plan again, piece by piece and figure out your new plan, piece by piece.
Like others said - since its a "fixed" date you should be able to get some stronger pain meds and those may help a whole bunch with everything.

 

[Muttly]

Was really low. Trying to pull myself out of that. I am a planner/doer, so focusing on that instead of the wait will probably help me.

What I've done so far-

• Left a message with my doctor's PA trying to get clarification on what timing the 6 weeks is based on (day I tested positive? day I tested negative? etc) - Haven't heard back. - I am giving it until next week because I know some of the staff is out of office.
  • In theory, I will call back if I don't hear, but I don't know about that
• Scheduled an acupuncture appointment. It's later today. It's something I haven't tried in a long time
• Come to the decision I will not do another nerve block. Too much pain, for to little relief. This was a big deal because I sort of felt obligated to do it, since the doctor had provided an option
• Adjusted my work schedule to shorter days, but more days, to see if I can get more hours and not be wrecked.

But also, maybe he hasn't offered because he thinks you want someone else to do it and that you would ask him if you wanted him to?

This is probably the case. I was going to ask him yesterday but I kept putting it off. Then we watched a movie and after he said he was going to bed so it seemed like bad timing. Sigh. I was going to ask today, but he's having a hard day so now I feel like I shouldn't ask. I am probably making this ridiculously hard.

Then say something like "I was wondering if there are options to help navigate the next 6 weeks, like maybe more help with the pain and maybe a disability placard for the time being." I

Gah. My brain just sort of freezes and says I am way too demanding if I say that.

go through your plan again, piece by piece and figure out your new plan, piece by piece.

Good advice. I guess the three most important steps are to find out if I can push the surgery forward or really plan on it being september 6th, ask Tat for help, and schedule an appointment with my doctor (maybe a telehealth?).

 

[Freddyt]

What I've done so far-

• Left a message with my doctor's PA trying to get clarification on what timing the 6 weeks is based on (day I tested positive? day I tested negative? etc) - Haven't heard back. - I am giving it until next week because I know some of the staff is out of office.
  • In theory, I will call back if I don't hear, but I don't know about that
• Scheduled an acupuncture appointment. It's later today. It's something I haven't tried in a long time
• Come to the decision I will not do another nerve block. Too much pain, for to little relief. This was a big deal because I sort of felt obligated to do it, since the doctor had provided an option
• Adjusted my work schedule to shorter days, but more days, to see if I can get more hours and not be wrecked.

Sooo....you got a lot done already right?

Keep going Muttley!

 

[scout86]

I am way too demanding if I say that.

I know what you mean. But that's not actually "demanding". "Demanding" would be if you were insistent, maybe angry, and acted like you weren't going to take no for an answer. Which got me thinking. Serious question here. Seems like the worst they can do is say "no", which leaves you pretty much where you are right not. What does it mean to you if they say "no"? After giving this a few minutes of thought, I realize that what it would mean to ME is a kind of rejection and dismissal that would tend to send me down a rabbit hole of not being important, being worthless, etc. None of which is true. It's certainly not true of YOU. But there are connections there to the past.... Does it help at all to approach this as an exercise in symptom managing? I really want you to get the care you need and DESERVE.)

 

[Muttly]

Does it help at all to approach this as an exercise in symptom managing?

Yes, this is definitely helpful.

//

I asked Tat and he is coming out when I have my surgery. So that's really good. It was hard to ask but he was great. I was kind of a wreck yesterday.

I talked to my surgeon's PA. Most like surgery will have to be 9/6. Oh well. She is going to talk to him about getting more meds. I may not even need a telehealth appointment. She is going to talk to him about a parking sticker (my coworker who was helping me to the car said she was surprised I didn't have one. That helped motivate me to ask).

I also bought a bunch of meds for all my pets (I work at a veterinary clinic). I don't know if someone told the doctor I was stressing out about the money or what, but the doctor ended up buying them. Which was incredibly sweet and I am touched.

I know that's all good (except the surgery date) but I just feel like crying for some reason.

 

[scout86]

I know that's all good (except the surgery date) but I just feel like crying for some reason.

I've been told people cry for a lot of reasons. Being happy & being relieved are 2 of them. I'm glad people are stepping up for you!

 

[Tinyflame]

@Muttly the date will come around, more important you get well and recover to make your post-recovery easier and faster. Sounds like you have a great boss and others who want to help. You just need to learn how to treat yourself the same way as they want to care for you (and as you care for your and all the animals). And it's very hard also with pain, and not feeling well. @scout is right, and you deserve it!

 

[StillPen]

I know that's all good (except the surgery date) but I just feel like crying for some reason.

I would call this an "emotional letdown" Cry. When your body and brain just kind of "dumps" or lets go of a large amount of emotions that have been pinned up in all these things you've had anxiety over. Once it is getting all lined out, your body lets it all go in the form of, yay, crying! Good for you, you need a reprieve from the tension of it all. Cry your eyes out! Love and hugs.