Confused about censorship - confronting other forum users

[PShermanWallaby]

I know I’m new here but censorship was a big and touchy thing on another forum I was on and now I’m just confused on how things work here. Is it appropriate to bring attention to the fact some of the members here are clearly suffering from more than PTSD but don’t seem to know? <admin edit to remove level of privacy breach> ...So I’m really confused why no one seems to be bringing attention to the member that they may need to seek further assistance from their doctor to see what else may be going on mentally. No shame in it, but something that seems like it should be addressed.

The other big one I’m struggling with is why does it seem okay for a member to be blatantly admitting to abusing their children? I understand people who have been victims will sometimes go on to abuse their children and often won’t realize that that’s what they are doing because they are doing “better” than what their parents did. But I don’t get why the “See something, Say something” isn’t being carried out here where we of all people should understand how harmful it is to have abuse ignored or brushed over. The abuse I’m referring to are the posts where the children are clearly displaying fawning behaviors <admin edit to remove level of privacy breach>...And people are congratulating this person for their actions?

I’m trying to learn the culture here, but can we do better than this?

 

[Charbella]

Wow! Judge much?

I’m not sure what you think the purpose of any forum is. For me it’s to get support…that I ASK for and give support when it’s ASKED for.

Calling someone out seems like a Facebook thing not a support forum.

A reminder that in this capacity you asked and therefore I am giving my honest opinion.

I also wonder if your judging based on someone’s diary versus a post asking for help. My diary should be for my purposes, if you can help then you should but if I’m not asking for it you shouldn’t. However if I post a question in one of the groups then by all means tell me from your point of view and I’m happy to ignore if I don’t like it.

 

[PShermanWallaby]

Wow! Judge much?

I’m not sure what you think the purpose of any forum is. For me it’s to get support…that I ASK for and give support when it’s ASKED for.

Calling someone out seems like a Facebook thing not a support forum.

A reminder that in this capacity you asked and therefore I am giving my honest opinion.

I also wonder if your judging based on someone’s diary versus a post asking for help. My diary should be for my purposes, if you can help then you should but if I’m not asking for it you shouldn’t. However if I post a question in one of the groups then by all means tell me from your point of view and I’m happy to ignore if I don’t like it.

In most instances I would agree with you and perhaps I’m overstepping in the first example I gave. But with the second example, I disagree. The idea that we shouldn’t point out abusive and harmful behaviors towards another person is so dangerous and scary and bystanders that don’t speak up are a big reason why kids never get saved from that environment.

 

[joeylittle]

I’m trying to learn the culture here, but can we do better than this?

It's fine to call things as you see them on this forum. If you've got something to say to a member, say it. If you see something you want to report to the forum staff because you think intervention is needed, you can report it - the 'report' option is available at the bottom of any post.

I'd also you to bear in mind that what you read on the forum is just one person's point of view on the world as they see it - and, that you're not also getting any contextual cues (tone, expression, etc.) - NOR can you ever be 100% certain without a doubt that people are representing their lives:

• Accurately
• Neutrally (without bias)
• Truthfully

Finally, you've got to remember that you yourself have a lens you see the world through - and that lens is yours. Things are always going to be colored by your own experiences. There's nothing wrong with that - but it's good to remember, when you find yourself being especially upset by anything you read here on the forum (or encounter in life, for that matter - PTSD makes us especially vulnerable to cognitive distortion.)

 

[joeylittle]

My diary should be for my purposes, if you can help then you should but if I’m not asking for it you shouldn’t.

I'm saying this not specifically to you, but for anyone reading this - because the topic of "it's my diary" comes up often.

It's always up to the member to set boundaries on their diary. If a member doesn't want anyone posting in their diary? That member just needs to say so, and then report to staff when they need or want support in maintaining that boundary. Or if a member doesn't want to be challenged on a particular topic or specific post? They simply need to say so, and then if the boundary is breached by another member - ask staff for help.

The important thing to remember, though is that boundaries are something you set for yourself, not for other people.

It may be that a member says, "no-one can challenge me in this space, only support me" - but if another poster starts challenging, and the first member asks staff for help? Staff will make a determination on whether the boundary that's been given is something the forum CAN support.

There have been a few cases over the years when a member states a boundary about their diary that the forum cannot support them in while also abiding by its basic principles legally or morally. It's infrequent but it happens.

In most instances I would agree with you and perhaps I’m overstepping in the first example I gave. But with the second example, I disagree.

I also just want to be clear that the specifics of the examples you provided have been removed. Those posts you referenced were in the members-only area of the forum, and that is one level of privacy above this area (the PTSD General sub-forum).

The big take-away here is:
Instead of opening or participating in threads where a specific member is the topic - respond to those members directly and in the thread where the issue is. Say what you think needs saying, or report and ask for staff to intervene, and we'll make a determination.

However if I post a question in one of the groups then by all means tell me from your point of view and I’m happy to ignore if I don’t like it.

^^ This is the correct (and healthiest) attitude.

Finally, for new members who may not yet have seen this: please read over the Community Constitution.

It's your guide to this forum's posting guidelines and it's culture.

If you have questions about using the forum, ask them by posting to Contact Us.

(Just like it says in all the staff signatures.)

 

[Movingforward10]

Welcome @PShermanWallaby .

I don't know if this was your intention, but I take your post to be quite passive-aggressive. The quotes you took from other places of the forum to reference your question were removed by the mods so I have no idea what you're referencing. But, why would you take peopleiinformation and posts to use them for this question? Why not just ask questions? The act of taking people's personal words seems provocative. Like I say,I don't know if your intention is to provoke.

In terms of highlighting that someone may have another mental illness going on, we're people on the internet. Best not to diagnose strangers around the world.
In terms of child abuse, I don't know who or what you're quoting but why don't you call out abuse when you see it? I have said things to people on here before.
I have also reported people on here before.

If you are triggered by threads, ignore them.
If you don't agree with how mods have handled an issue or you see it differently, then you chose what you want to do. There was a thread I ignored where I really saw it very differently to the mods. They saw it as someone asking for help about a situation and I saw it as that person admitting abuse. I struggled with how the mods saw it, and I didn't take up their offer to start a thread about a topic related to it to try and help me see it a different way. And I wondered how I could stay on this forum with that impasse but I figured I don't need to read that thread or engage with that forum member so: that's what the ignore button is for.
Basically saying that there will be on this site, like ij life, things you agree with and things you don't. The motto here is take what works and leave the rest.

 

[arfie]

Is it appropriate to bring attention to the fact some of the members here are clearly suffering from more than PTSD but don’t seem to know?

inside my own recovery, i put considerable work into taming my control/judgmental issues. at my sickest, i see myself as the owner of all truth with the god-appointed task of seeing to it that everyone has their fair share of my omniscient and eternal wisdom. and, of course, it is equally my responsibility to enforce my views on others. god appointed me police, judge, jury and executioner, didn't she?

letting go of what is not mine to sort is a HUGE part of my recovery. it is appropriate for me to heal. healing cannot happen while i am minding everyone's business but my own. i've already picked the epitaph for my grave marker. "she's FINALLY minding her own business."

but that is me. . .
gentle support while you sort your own, sherman.

 

[Charbella]

The idea that we shouldn’t point out abusive and harmful behaviors towards another person is so dangerous and scary and bystanders that don’t speak up are a big reason why kids never get saved from that environment.

I wonder if your referring to someone’s diary but you haven’t taken the time to read the whole thing. If other people are congratulating a person and you see it as the person is abusing children, maybe they have the insight of years following their story.

I don’t know about you but I’ve read exactly one persons complete diary, I got sucked in to their story. Other people I follow I’ve read the beginning, the gist and the last few months, when I’ve felt uncomfortable with a post that others seem to like, I make a decision, I either go deeper into their story for context, I report their behavior, I ignore them, I wait to see if something someone says connects the dots, I have also questioned the person and I’ve had no problem calling someone out.

I’d also like to say, as someone who’s spent years working with children, the fawn response you speak of may be NORMAL childhood behavior. It’s often why those of us who do it go unnoticed and why we chose that path. Kids generally want to please the adults in their life. this is a universal phenomenon, whether the student likes me or not when I ask for volunteers to help with something most hands go up and given enough opportunities eventually all children will have volunteered and executed some help in my classroom. So while the fawn response can be a sign of trauma, it doesn’t have to be.

 

[PShermanWallaby]

I will try reporting the posts that I have an issue with but I fail to see how that will be helpful when everything is anonymous, it’s not like the mods can call the authorities for a welfare check which is why I DID initially go straight to that person/post but the response was extremely strange and very, very concerning and that’s why I posted here. I wanted to post examples, not to hurt anyones privacy, but so that people understand the kinds of things I’m talking about. I’m sorry that I just can’t sit by and watch while someone is hurting other people, that is exactly what’s wrong with this society. How many times have you watched a video of a fight or some kind of crime and there’s a crowd standing around doing nothing? That’s what this feels like and I can’t do that.

 

[intothelight]

With any forum, the reader only gets to see a snapshot of the member and if there are concerns, just ask questions. Questions can be asked in a non threatening, but more in a clarifying manner, and really it is a helpful approach for all.

 

[arfie]

How many times have you watched a video of a fight or some kind of crime and there’s a crowd standing around doing nothing? That’s what this feels like and I can’t do that.

gentle empathy on this score, sherman. as a child sex trafficking survivor, i go ballistic on this score with the speed of a ptsd flashback and have intervened far more often than i have stood by with my bible in my pocket. i have paved far more roads to hell with good intentions than i have actually helped a child in distress. the huge and clumsy foster system has been turning out as many casualties as the kiddie whorehouses i grew up in. it is far easier to be right than it is to be helpful. rocks of rightness in a cesspool only splash up lots of shit.

knowledge that children are still being sold for sex/pornography is and there is little to nothing i can do about it, hands down, the hardest part of my personal recovery. prayers ongoing. healing hopes for all. no exceptions. even the sick pervs who finance the biz. do we have jails big enough to hold all of them? maybe some mass shootings? with me as judge, jury and executioner, of course. well. . . maybe i'll let you shoot one or fifty of them. we can record it and post it on youtube.

 

[Movingforward10]

I will try reporting the posts that I have an issue with but I fail to see how that will be helpful when everything is anonymous,

it depends what you're trying to achieve.

How many times have you watched a video of a fight or some kind of crime and there’s a crowd standing around doing nothing? That’s what this feels like and I can’t do that

maybe reflecting what the world on the internet is like and what happens in front of you with people you can see and respond to. I.e. on the internet you can't call the cops because this site is anonymous and it's global. which cops would you call? what even are the laws in the country you think the crime is being committed?!
But something happening in front you you with people you can identify: sure call the cops when a fight or some kind of crime is happening. Don't be the person in the video who is filming to post on the internet or not helping the people being hurt.

but maybe the biggest question is working through what has happened for you to hold this in the way you are. I get it. if it's the anger that children don't have a voice and people choose to look away rather than get them to a place of safety . If only someone intervened for you or for me or for most of the people on this site. Sometimes the things that we get most upset about are things that we're holding, so examining yourself over all this might help you.