Flashbacks During Sex

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello

Touchy topic for me...I feel embarrassed talking about it.

I always get flashbacks during sex... actually when I orgasm. I always cry when that happens, well I sob actually. The flashback are really intense, I'm always back there again. These are the worse flashbacks I get. I really have a hard time with sex because of this, I'm always afraid that will happen.

Does anyone get this/ know about this?

 

[Artista]

I have not had that but have mostly dissociated in the past when it comes to sex. Just not there for it. Couldn't have an orgasm because of it. Couldn't allow myself to enjoy it because I still didn't feel safe. I have worried there would be a time when something may trigger, but so far, no. Does concern me.

I feel for you. The stress of this affects our sexuality and makes it tricky to feel we can be normal. I have no doubt it can change and be better. I think in some stages of working this through, it just is the way it is. I look to a brighter future for you as you go on this journey. More work and knowledge. Don't know about anyone else but there are days i am a bit tired of "learning" more!

Keep on. You will get there.

 

[RubyNicole]

I'm so scared that I will have a flashback when I have sex that I simply won't have sex. I've dissociated before while doing sexual things and it's scary. Afterwards I can't talk, I feel like a baby, and I roll up into a ball. I have no idea how to fix it, but I can at least say that I am in the same boat as you! :)

Do you or anyone have any advice about talking to a therapist about having sex with someone you love? I feel so embarrassed/ashamed when I try to say something that often I just won't.

 

[Froggie]

Hi RN, that's a topic that can be delt with a T with some sexology formation and even more with a specialized formation for intervention with sexually agressed victimes. If you T does not have this formation, you could ask her, you have that right. They are enabled to help you evolve with this type of trauma and re-empower your body rights.

Best of luck

 

[Froggie]

Hi Ayesha, like I mentionned to RubyNicole, it might be a good idea to find a sexologist with a specialized formation to intervene with sexually agressed victims. These specialists are there to help you through this.

 

[anthony]

Froggie, please take notice of the forum rule about quoting. There is also a help video now on how to use quoting correctly within the help desk video forum.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Obviously a popular topic by the number of views. Also obviously a sensitive issue due to the LACK of responses.

I despair of ever having any kind of 'normalcy' in this realm. My abusers stole that piece of me and burned it up, leaving just blackened ashes. Ashes that seem to have blown away in the evil winds of multiple, repetitive traumas.

My abusers are always there with me, waiting to ruin me - over and over. ...and no wonder.

Remapped my anatomy. Destroyed my body image. Shattered my trust that would allow me to move forward in desire from a place of safety and peace. Screwed up my endocrine system. Torched my soul. Rewired my ability to feel physical sensations as they are, instead of triggering what they were. Numbed me out emotionally and physically. Smashed the connectors that would have made intimacy an act of bonding, comfort, and release. My sexual self is a PTSD marionette, and I don't ever know when a string is being made to dance the unnatural dance of sadistic puppeteer.

But #%*#!!!! them, I'm still going to seek out some healthy connection rather than give up. ...and #*%!!! it, it is NOT our shame we feel, but that of our societies demand that we stay silent lest we make people look at the sheer ugliness being silenced through public blaming, shaming, & hating.

I know this to be true because otherwise, more than 2,000 views on this thread would have yielded more posts.

 

[Darkness Shines]

Obviously a popular topic by the number of views. Also obviously a sensitive issue due to the LACK of responses.

I hesitated to respond because the threads a bit old, but I'll go ahead. I don't mind talking about sexual things. :)

I had sexual triggers that would lead to dissociative episodes. I could still enjoy sex, but my husband (boyfriend at the time) had to be really careful. I used the exposure techniques to get rid of all the triggers, one by one. Obviously you're only going to be able to do that if you have a partner who you totally trust and is 100% supportive, but it is possible under the right circumstances to get better.

I was totally humiliated by the flashbacks and disassociation at first. James had to have a lot of conversations with me to convince me that he understood and wasn't taking it as a reflection on him or my love for him. Once we reached a place where I could be calm and open talking about it we started addressing the triggers themselves. I did completely disassociate the first few times, and we'd stop and he'd ground me back, grounding took half an hour or so the first time. After three or so times I was able to stay in my body and just shook and cried. Then, one day, after several weeks of doing this on a very regular basis, it just didn't happen. The association with abuse had been replaced by an association with James. That particular trigger was gone forever.

Association really is the key word with this. We associate sexual things with abuse and the only way to fix that is to form a new association. That first trigger we worked through has become something I love to do, because I associate that with love and strength and success so much now.

BloomInWinter, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I think you have the right attitude, though. You sound angry, and I was angry before I got better. I basically said "They might've taken my childhood, but they are NOT taking my relationship with James". None of us are ruined and if we find the right partner and go about it the right way we can get back what was taken.

 

[shadowchaser]

I honestly didn't know other people had this problem.

I always start out fine but then it goes to pain then I'm numb emotionally and if the person doesn't notice that somethings wrong next is black out. I never told my ex this. Well because I never found anyone else with anything similar I didn't tell anyone.

My ex was an idiot who never realized that something was different. I never thought of him continuing as any form of rape. I still don't. He honestly didn't realize that anything was different. I've gotten myself on vid before during a black out. I act like a normal person. But I don't remember any of it. I don't have the shakes, and more often then not I'm happy.

With all I razz about him please remember he is a decent person. He was my best friend before we got married and is again my best friend now that we are going threw the divorce. But as a couple we were horrible for each other. When he gets his head on straight he can be a very supportive person we just didn't work out as a couple.

 

[Seneca]

I don't think I was every sexually abused, but I have unnerving anxiety attacks and random flashbacks (some bad, some neutral) whenever I have any kind of sexual experience, even if I'm alone. I think it might be all the sensory stimulation bringing me "back to earth" more quickly than I am comfortable with.

Obviously, if you have been sexually abused, this is likely to be a problem for you at least at some point.

 

[Froggie]

Froggie, please take notice of the forum rule about quoting. There is also a help video now on how to use quoting correctly within the help desk video forum.

sorry Anthony, just saw your post, I'll be more careful

 

[allitherapy]

I do not let my flashbacks effect me during sex. I make a point of associating sex with love and good feelings and do not focus on the flashbacks. I do occassionally have images that come into my mind and I let them come and if I don't give them attention, they pass. I remind myself that I am with someone who loves me and I am not being hurt. If I want to stop, I have the power to do so because I am with someone who cares for me and respects me. I think it's really important to focus on the current situation and not allow the flashbacks to ruin my current experiences. So yes, I have flashbacks, but I don't let them interfere. It can be hard at times, but if I do something that keeps me in the experience, the flashbacks usually go away. I figure my entire childhood was destroyed by sex, why should I let my adult life follow the same path?