J
JCS
Hi y’all.
Little back story. I’m 27m, my partner, now ex is 25f. I will keep out some details for privacy which I understand may make it harder to help me, but that’s life.
We met about 2 years ago. We dated for over a year and a half and my god was it indescribable. I’ve dated quite a few people in my time and I can honestly say the connection was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. We clicked immediately.
It was almost comical how quickly we fell inlove. The intimacy was amazing, we would go out on dates every few days, she would constantly tell me how ‘ out of her league ‘ I am (even though she is the most beautiful human being on the planet). We had the same hobbies and interests, and I can confidently say we have made memories that neither of us will forget so long as we live.
The way she would just stare at me as I gushed about a new favorite movie or video game. That’s a feeling I’m scared I’ll never feel again.
I suffer from my own personal issues, ADD, OCD, both diagnosed. My partner has been diagnosed with CPTSD due to early childhood trauma.
Things were really really great for a long time. Near about 6m in, there was a suicide attempt on her end. It came out of no where for me. I did everything I could to be there for her. I wasn’t perfect, I was angry (not at her, I was just genuinely terrified when I picked her up that night and rushed her to ER) I was raising my voice, I wasnt the best in that moment.
She made it out with no lasting damage, thank god. We spent the next few days talking, and I really grew an understanding of her trauma, and what she deals with on the day to day. Or at least I thought I understood.
Everything seemed to go back to normal. I’ve always struggled with being afraid that people will leave me. I’ve been in relationships where people have ghosted me, I come from a twice divorced home.
I found it exceedingly difficult to let her be free after the attempt. In no way did I intend to be controlling or anything. I just had this intense itch in my mind when she would leave the house.
If she was working and set to be home at 5pm, and she didn’t show until 535, my mind would go immediately into ‘ she’s gone ‘ territory.
This caused issues as our relationship progressed she began to feel smothered.
I also have a temper. I am in no way a violent man, I would put a bullet in myself before I raised a hand to her, or even raised my voice to her, or called her a bad name.
I get frustrated when driving, and I also am quick to get grumpy. Sure, I can blame this on my ADD, OCD, SSRIs, what ever. But the truth is it’s my issue. I own up to it, and it’s something I am actively working through with a therapist of my own, as well as trying to work through the attachment issues I seem to have.
Fast forward to 4 months before our breakup. We moved into a beautiful home together. It was like a fairytale. The place we moved into was actually extremely dirty, and we spent a weeks work cleaning it. Looking back that’s one of the best weeks of my life and I would give anything to be in that member again, even though in the moment it was very frustrating.
My partner began undergoing trauma therapy about 4/5m before the breakup, due to her childhood trauma. It was really hard on her.
I made a lot of mistakes here. I don’t think I took it seriously enough. I just didn’t really understand it you know? I’m a relatively intelligent person, so I understand therapy isn’t easy, but I never gave it the respect it deserved I feel.
I also struggle with some intimacy issues, and a pretty anxious attachment style.
I began to ask these stupid questions all the time. ‘ are we ok? ‘ ‘ are you okay today?’
In hindsight, I believe it was a way to self soothe as she struggled really hard with communication. We always had good conversations and laughs, but we never really communicated.
Eventually, one day it seemed she had enough. She broke up with me stating that she is unable to be with anyone if she can’t communicate. My intimacy issues were not being looked after on my end, and she felt smothered. She also stated she was triggered by me due to me being upset while driving.
My world came crashing down. I got a little angry a few days after and I regret that a lot. Again I’d never raise my voice or anything of course. I was just hurt. ‘ you made all these promises to me!! ‘ kind of thing. Stupid on my part.
We kept in touch a little to sort out bills and commitments. I seen her to drop the house key off a month after and she told me she was taking the breakup extremely hard.
Since then, I texted her about a phone bill I sent money for and got no response. About 5 weeks in I was unfriended on fb. And then a month later (maybe 2 weeks ago) I was blocked on fb.
We’ve been broken up for a little over 2 months now. I’m healing. But every day is a monumental struggle. I don’t mean to seem like I can’t live without her or something, I’m just really hurt and angry at myself.
I don’t feel as though I gave enough respect to her CPTSD, and her trauma. I was selfish near the end and neglected issues like intimacy due to some personal struggles.
I’ve been seeing a therapist and doing a lot of reading about CPTSD, PTSD, break ups and trauma in general.
I feel as though I’m better equipped to deal with this now, and I’m really struggling with not beating myself up for not being equipped for it before.
Why couldn’t I have just googled this shit before this happened?
Im not really sure what I’m doing here. Im really hurt over the blocking, it makes everything feel so final.
I always thought we’d find our way back to each other, but maybe not. I guess my specific question is, why the block? Why not respond to my text?
I know the standard answer is ‘ you guys are exes ‘ but it seems deeper than that. Our connection was out of this world, and I find it hard to believe she’d forget this easily.
Is there ANY scenario where a reachout via text is appropriate, or is this a ‘ forget about it until she maybe reaches out one day ‘ type of situation?
Im really mad at myself. I wish I listened more. I wish I was more compassionate about the trauma. I wish I was more flexible about letting her be free. I never meant to be controlling or smothering. I was just struggling in my own way. I wish I thought before getting frustrated in traffic like a complete moron.
I’m scared she’s gone forever. And if she is, that’s on me. I just hope that isn’t the case.
Again I’ve left out some details to protect privacy, and I hope she never reads this. But if you somehow do one day, then…Hi pretty girl, hope you’re doing ok out there.
Thanks for listening guys.
Stay well.
** As I forgot some context I’ll add here.
The breakup seemed to come out of nowhere. A few days prior we were out celebrating an event at a restaurant, and visiting family for their birthday.
During the breakup there was a quick talk about ‘ if anything I would want a fresh start ‘ and ‘ I’d like to reach out one day as friends ‘
I’m not sure if this is just a line or not.
Thanks again.
Little back story. I’m 27m, my partner, now ex is 25f. I will keep out some details for privacy which I understand may make it harder to help me, but that’s life.
We met about 2 years ago. We dated for over a year and a half and my god was it indescribable. I’ve dated quite a few people in my time and I can honestly say the connection was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. We clicked immediately.
It was almost comical how quickly we fell inlove. The intimacy was amazing, we would go out on dates every few days, she would constantly tell me how ‘ out of her league ‘ I am (even though she is the most beautiful human being on the planet). We had the same hobbies and interests, and I can confidently say we have made memories that neither of us will forget so long as we live.
The way she would just stare at me as I gushed about a new favorite movie or video game. That’s a feeling I’m scared I’ll never feel again.
I suffer from my own personal issues, ADD, OCD, both diagnosed. My partner has been diagnosed with CPTSD due to early childhood trauma.
Things were really really great for a long time. Near about 6m in, there was a suicide attempt on her end. It came out of no where for me. I did everything I could to be there for her. I wasn’t perfect, I was angry (not at her, I was just genuinely terrified when I picked her up that night and rushed her to ER) I was raising my voice, I wasnt the best in that moment.
She made it out with no lasting damage, thank god. We spent the next few days talking, and I really grew an understanding of her trauma, and what she deals with on the day to day. Or at least I thought I understood.
Everything seemed to go back to normal. I’ve always struggled with being afraid that people will leave me. I’ve been in relationships where people have ghosted me, I come from a twice divorced home.
I found it exceedingly difficult to let her be free after the attempt. In no way did I intend to be controlling or anything. I just had this intense itch in my mind when she would leave the house.
If she was working and set to be home at 5pm, and she didn’t show until 535, my mind would go immediately into ‘ she’s gone ‘ territory.
This caused issues as our relationship progressed she began to feel smothered.
I also have a temper. I am in no way a violent man, I would put a bullet in myself before I raised a hand to her, or even raised my voice to her, or called her a bad name.
I get frustrated when driving, and I also am quick to get grumpy. Sure, I can blame this on my ADD, OCD, SSRIs, what ever. But the truth is it’s my issue. I own up to it, and it’s something I am actively working through with a therapist of my own, as well as trying to work through the attachment issues I seem to have.
Fast forward to 4 months before our breakup. We moved into a beautiful home together. It was like a fairytale. The place we moved into was actually extremely dirty, and we spent a weeks work cleaning it. Looking back that’s one of the best weeks of my life and I would give anything to be in that member again, even though in the moment it was very frustrating.
My partner began undergoing trauma therapy about 4/5m before the breakup, due to her childhood trauma. It was really hard on her.
I made a lot of mistakes here. I don’t think I took it seriously enough. I just didn’t really understand it you know? I’m a relatively intelligent person, so I understand therapy isn’t easy, but I never gave it the respect it deserved I feel.
I also struggle with some intimacy issues, and a pretty anxious attachment style.
I began to ask these stupid questions all the time. ‘ are we ok? ‘ ‘ are you okay today?’
In hindsight, I believe it was a way to self soothe as she struggled really hard with communication. We always had good conversations and laughs, but we never really communicated.
Eventually, one day it seemed she had enough. She broke up with me stating that she is unable to be with anyone if she can’t communicate. My intimacy issues were not being looked after on my end, and she felt smothered. She also stated she was triggered by me due to me being upset while driving.
My world came crashing down. I got a little angry a few days after and I regret that a lot. Again I’d never raise my voice or anything of course. I was just hurt. ‘ you made all these promises to me!! ‘ kind of thing. Stupid on my part.
We kept in touch a little to sort out bills and commitments. I seen her to drop the house key off a month after and she told me she was taking the breakup extremely hard.
Since then, I texted her about a phone bill I sent money for and got no response. About 5 weeks in I was unfriended on fb. And then a month later (maybe 2 weeks ago) I was blocked on fb.
We’ve been broken up for a little over 2 months now. I’m healing. But every day is a monumental struggle. I don’t mean to seem like I can’t live without her or something, I’m just really hurt and angry at myself.
I don’t feel as though I gave enough respect to her CPTSD, and her trauma. I was selfish near the end and neglected issues like intimacy due to some personal struggles.
I’ve been seeing a therapist and doing a lot of reading about CPTSD, PTSD, break ups and trauma in general.
I feel as though I’m better equipped to deal with this now, and I’m really struggling with not beating myself up for not being equipped for it before.
Why couldn’t I have just googled this shit before this happened?
Im not really sure what I’m doing here. Im really hurt over the blocking, it makes everything feel so final.
I always thought we’d find our way back to each other, but maybe not. I guess my specific question is, why the block? Why not respond to my text?
I know the standard answer is ‘ you guys are exes ‘ but it seems deeper than that. Our connection was out of this world, and I find it hard to believe she’d forget this easily.
Is there ANY scenario where a reachout via text is appropriate, or is this a ‘ forget about it until she maybe reaches out one day ‘ type of situation?
Im really mad at myself. I wish I listened more. I wish I was more compassionate about the trauma. I wish I was more flexible about letting her be free. I never meant to be controlling or smothering. I was just struggling in my own way. I wish I thought before getting frustrated in traffic like a complete moron.
I’m scared she’s gone forever. And if she is, that’s on me. I just hope that isn’t the case.
Again I’ve left out some details to protect privacy, and I hope she never reads this. But if you somehow do one day, then…Hi pretty girl, hope you’re doing ok out there.
Thanks for listening guys.
Stay well.
** As I forgot some context I’ll add here.
The breakup seemed to come out of nowhere. A few days prior we were out celebrating an event at a restaurant, and visiting family for their birthday.
During the breakup there was a quick talk about ‘ if anything I would want a fresh start ‘ and ‘ I’d like to reach out one day as friends ‘
I’m not sure if this is just a line or not.
Thanks again.
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