My words can't match my actions

[errip]

Hello!

I'm currently in a weird situation.
I started talking to a woman online 4 years ago, we both have ptsd and another disease in common. We don't live in the same country but not so far, like 3-4 hours by flight.

At first i didn't have feeling for her but since last year i feel something for her long term.
I still need to meet her to be sure my feelings are true and that i want that relationship. But since i have eating disorder, it's hard for me to travel. My disorder is related to be sick in cars, flights, trains... I wouldn't want that fear to interfer between my willing to meet her but the reaction from this fear is quite strong. Even tho she understand understand me i don't want to be seen as weak in front her and not be seen as strong for her.
She proposed me few times to come to see her. She will come next week in a country near me for her vacation, by train it's like 4-5 hours. She realized i live not so far from her vacation place and that if she knew it before, she could take another flight ticket to visit me.
The willing to take a train ticket and see her is strong but this fear block me and i don't want to struggle in front of her or be seen as a burden during her vacation with her friends.

Another thing is that i don't want to tell her before we meet my feelings and then do nothing or make her wait for too long until i'm able to travel. And also i fear that she might find someone during that time.
It's painful to handle.

Have a great day

 

[Movingforward10]

I wonder if you are not giving her credit for her response to you? Perhaps because of how other people have responded. She clearly understands mental health challenges as she also has PTSD. So, with that in mind, what is stopping you from telling her about this challenge you have with travelling?

Seems like you have two options:
Work on overcoming the fear of travel and travel to see her.
Or don't travel to see her.

Either way, telling her what this means for you, whatever you decide to do, might help.

Because if you are thinking of having a relationship with her, then she's going to have to know all the good and challenging bits about you. and this idea of what strong means for you in a relationship, maybe that needing shifting and seeing it in a different way. Being strong is being vulnerable. Being strong is putting yourself out there, warts and all. So tell her? If she responds badly, then better you know now. If she responds in the way you need, then fabulous!

 

[Friday]

Sounds like you either need to add a couple days travel time (to get there a day or so in advance to be sick/recover in private) -or- offer to pay for the fare change, so she can change her ticket to come see you.

 

[errip]

I wonder if you are not giving her credit for her response to you? Perhaps because of how other people have responded. She clearly understands mental health challenges as she also has PTSD. So, with that in mind, what is stopping you from telling her about this challenge you have with travelling?

Seems like you have two options:
Work on overcoming the fear of travel and travel to see her.
Or don't travel to see her.

Either way, telling her what this means for you, whatever you decide to do, might help.

Because if you are thinking of having a relationship with her, then she's going to have to know all the good and challenging bits about you. and this idea of what strong means for you in a relationship, maybe that needing shifting and seeing it in a different way. Being strong is being vulnerable. Being strong is putting yourself out there, warts and all. So tell her? If she responds badly, then better you know now. If she responds in the way you need, then fabulous!

Thanks for your answer.
We talked about that, i told her my eating disorder interfer to see her, when i said i wish i could take a train ticket and see her she told me that she prefer to see me in good condition so we enjoy our time together, she doesn't want me to feel bad. She also had eating disorder in the past but when I see her posting in her stories towards men "women are not your mama", i take it personally. I don't want to be like a little boy in her eyes while i try to do my best to get rid off of it.

I don't know when to open up but since i have feelings i think i can only have to break the ice to not have expectations.

Sounds like you either need to add a couple days travel time (to get there a day or so in advance to be sick/recover in private) -or- offer to pay for the fare change, so she can change her ticket to come see you.

Also. That's something i took in consideration

 

[errip]

I sent her a message about how I feel for her. I will see how it goes