Anyone else experience extreme periods of rage followed by an extreme comedown resulting in exhaustion.

[Ghazi]

Yep, it's called an adrenaline crash. I spent a long time studying the mechanisms of violence and aggression to address the tendency in myself to go completely berserk at the slightest provocation. I was trained to be as brutal and cruel as possible as a child, and I've suffered responses akin to "killing rage" as an adult. It does not end well, it never does. Peace is the only option for a viable life. So I focused on mitigating those impulses and even isolating myself from others to ensure I don't harm them.



Unfortunately, living in a society means that external forces do dictate the rules. No one person is so powerful that they can act with complete impunity. At a certain point, this mentality taken to its extreme will land you in prison or worse. As you have noted, your reactions have cost you significantly in terms of your interpersonal relationships.

There are many moments in my life that I returned insults with broken bones, and I regret it. Eventually I had cultivated a reputation as someone frightening and abusive, and that is when I realized that what I initially perceived as "power" on my end, was really weakness - a representation of a fragile ego. It is easy to throw a punch. It is easy to make people afraid of you via ordinary application of force. And fear isn't respect. It's just fear.

It's a lot harder to use your words. To compromise, to negotiate, and to walk away.

I hear you, and agree totally. I often walk away from minor issues because I know where it will lead.
I don’t walk around looking for problems and definitely try to avoid them. Thankfully I manage to control myself but it is exhausting doing it.

I dont regret any of the major incidents I’ve been involved in, I’ve only ever had issues with people who’ve bought it on themselves due to their own pursuit of their desires by any means necessary.

People are greedy, selfish and they try to take more than they should. So they get what they deserve. And if I was to exhibit the same greed and selfishness as them then I too would deserve to get taught a lesson. I 100% believe in that and I always account myself and my actions.

I live by a code and I expect my circle to live by the same code. Be it my kids, friends, business partners..

I got bacterial meningitis of my brain from chronic sinusitis craniotomy done to remove access left temporal lobe. Was in medically induced coma on a vent septic multi organ failure may 2014. I had to re learn everything plus new stuff. I had therapy. I learned about personality disorders codependency etc. I have learned that some people cannot have access to me especially now in the current volatile political situation. I had to learn people can and do manipulate others have no boundaries and I learned that these individuals can read weaknesses in others and I could be a " target". I have a seizure risk from the surgery. I have had several EEGs Now they show no seizure activity. I have had anger issues too. The polyvagal theory helps me. My husband is a veteran has been in war zones. I see from your posts and others he has similar traits. I am back in therapy and back on this site to get more help in regards to all this. Thank you for your posts.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I will check out this polyvagal theory.

 

[Friday]

Once I’ve calmed down I have a massive crash, I’m exhausted my mood is totally down, I just want to sleep be by myself I will barely eat and sleep for 12 hours sometimes more.

Anyone else experience anything similar?

Yep. That’s called an adrenaline crash. It would be weird (to the point of being concerning/alarming/medically relevant) for it not to happen after fight/flight engages.

 

[looking for the road]

You said that you talk yourself down? What happens when you're not able to talk your self down? I learned a lesson again two and half years ago it might be longer. I hit rock bottom was given a choice Doc or out reached. I choice both Doc was slow the out reached was a group of people that said there mind. Question were asked just like this program. I did make some changes using the group we became like family. The other group which might the day before were drug User. This was not very healthy part of town. One night I was running to get to the meeting when a drug dealer stopped me wanted to sell drugs to me. You loose control sometimes like a switch turning on. The night I new the director was at the door the as_ whole kid pulled a knife out. The next thing I remember cops had me down hand cuff. I thought I would be able to talk myself down too.

Get all the different types of help. Private, group ,online and in-house treatment. If you really want to be better you need to put your whole mind in the treatment. I do sit in with the AAA group
My your time be well spent to heal your mind and soul.

 

[Workingonit]

I am a combat veteran. For what its worth i have an arcom for valor against armed enemy combatants. When the rage comes i dont feel anything at all. Just rage. I personally have to remove myself before it happens or find something else to beat on because its like an on/off switch. I find that door frames are good if you can manage but avoidance is best. Truck beds and dry wall are not good at all. Afterwards i cant sleep for long periods of time, maybe half a day or longer and when i finally do its bad. Complete and total exhaustion. There is nothing to be proven with violence. People are fragile and you could beat someone near to death and they survive or you could barely hit them and they die. Either way the consequences are unacceptable. Adrenaline dumps are by far the worst. I am terrified of hurting people. I guess thats what happens when you see them turned inside out or rendered into small pieces and a puddle of blood.

 

[Friday]

I am a combat veteran. For what its worth i have an arcom for valor against armed enemy combatants. When the rage comes i dont feel anything at all. Just rage. I personally have to remove myself before it happens or find something else to beat on because its like an on/off switch. I find that door frames are good if you can manage but avoidance is best. Truck beds and dry wall are not good at all. Afterwards i cant sleep for long periods of time, maybe half a day or longer and when i finally do its bad. Complete and total exhaustion. There is nothing to be proven with violence. People are fragile and you could beat someone near to death and they survive or you could barely hit them and they die. Either way the consequences are unacceptable. Adrenaline dumps are by far the worst. I am terrified of hurting people. I guess thats what happens when you see them turned inside out or rendered into small pieces and a puddle of blood.

Martial arts is phenomenally useful.

Spoiler: Long version

Not just

- blowing off steam to keep the ole stress cup blowing sky high, or the
- constant application of measured self control under a variety of circumstance

…but the FEAR of if/when I do lose control…

For 20 years I only knew 2 kinds of fighting. Taking someone down as fast as possible, and playing around with friends/regulating eedjits (No perm damage &/or no bruises that would show).

Meant I was completely f*cked if I didn’t want to kill someone.

***

The first time my ptsd blew up? I left the country (pragmatism, don’t shit where you eat) to get several thousand miles away from anyone I knew/loved, and would periodically up and take my happy ass elsewhere if I started developing attachments. I didn’t trust myself, and I wouldn’t hurt anyone I loved, so I left.

The second time? I had an 11yo kid, and wasn’t just going to take off the next 5+ years (how long it took me the first time, to unf*ck my head), so had to relearn all my self control, terrified of it blowing back on him.

***

Same kid? Was in aikido, where the entire point of the art is NOT fighting (initially developed to get unarmed & unmounted warriors TO their weapons, armor, horses… so how to get away, rather than engaging… but every move has an arc to it, where the first level is deflection, the second is inflicting graded levels of injury/control, and only the last about quick takedowns, with or without weapons). I’d been taking him to the dojo watching classes for years, and decided it was time to get my ass on the mat.

I WANTED those intermediary steps BURNED into my instincts… so I didn’t just have “reach out and beak someone” as my knee jerk if I lost my temper/ my mind/ my self control… and could have time to WAKE THE f*ck UP

Reach out and break someone is fine if my head is clear.

When my head ain’t clear? Evade & Escape is my best friend. Which needed as much/more training. (I also managed to f*ck up my neck & shoulder, at one point early on, because I rolled as if I had my helmet tucked into my rifle & flack jacket. >.< Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. But also? Case in point. My head was in the past, instead of the present, so I rolled wrong. Few thousand more rolls (both in regular clothes, gI, & borrowed football gear? I could trust myself to roll based on what I was wearing “now”, instead of what I was wearing back when.)

There are a whole helluva lotta other ways to deal with adrenaline, rage, being startled, flashbacks, etc… but I wanted a contingency plan in place… so if/when those methods failed, evade & escape could buy me enough time to pull my head out, &/or use those other methods.

Practice whatcha want, right? Until it happens without thinking.

 

[Workingonit]

Martial arts is phenomenally useful.

Spoiler: Long version

Not just

- blowing off steam to keep the ole stress cup blowing sky high, or the
- constant application of measured self control under a variety of circumstance

…but the FEAR of if/when I do lose control…

For 20 years I only knew 2 kinds of fighting. Taking someone down as fast as possible, and playing around with friends/regulating eedjits (No perm damage &/or no bruises that would show).

Meant I was completely f*cked if I didn’t want to kill someone.

***

The first time my ptsd blew up? I left the country (pragmatism, don’t shit where you eat) to get several thousand miles away from anyone I knew/loved, and would periodically up and take my happy ass elsewhere if I started developing attachments. I didn’t trust myself, and I wouldn’t hurt anyone I loved, so I left.

The second time? I had an 11yo kid, and wasn’t just going to take off the next 5+ years (how long it took me the first time, to unf*ck my head), so had to relearn all my self control, terrified of it blowing back on him.

***

Same kid? Was in aikido, where the entire point of the art is NOT fighting (initially developed to get unarmed & unmounted warriors TO their weapons, armor, horses… so how to get away, rather than engaging… but every move has an arc to it, where the first level is deflection, the second is inflicting graded levels of injury/control, and only the last about quick takedowns, with or without weapons). I’d been taking him to the dojo watching classes for years, and decided it was time to get my ass on the mat.

I WANTED those intermediary steps BURNED into my instincts… so I didn’t just have “reach out and beak someone” as my knee jerk if I lost my temper/ my mind/ my self control… and could have time to WAKE THE f*ck UP

Reach out and break someone is fine if my head is clear.

When my head ain’t clear? Evade & Escape is my best friend. Which needed as much/more training. (I also managed to f*ck up my neck & shoulder, at one point early on, because I rolled as if I had my helmet tucked into my rifle & flack jacket. >.< Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. But also? Case in point. My head was in the past, instead of the present, so I rolled wrong. Few thousand more rolls (both in regular clothes, gI, & borrowed football gear? I could trust myself to roll based on what I was wearing “now”, instead of what I was wearing back when.)

There are a whole helluva lotta other ways to deal with adrenaline, rage, being startled, flashbacks, etc… but I wanted a contingency plan in place… so if/when those methods failed, evade & escape could buy me enough time to pull my head out, &/or use those other methods.

Practice whatcha want, right? Until it happens without thinking.

Absolutely, I have had asymptomatic periods of my life. Where I had it undercontrol. When I was working out 2 hours a day, eating healthy and supplementing my diet at near neurotic levels. I was helping children get bicycles and had a christian men's group I attended occasionally. And I avoided all intimate relationships. Late 2014 I was in a car accident where I hit my head pretty hard which sent me on a skid and then early 2015 I was involved in a shooting as a passerby which sent me spiraling hard. I was able to avoid shutdown mainly because of my daughter and a woman. Who later turned out to be diagnosed bipolar.

 

[Ghazi]

You said that you talk yourself down? What happens when you're not able to talk your self down? I learned a lesson again two and half years ago it might be longer. I hit rock bottom was given a choice Doc or out reached. I choice both Doc was slow the out reached was a group of people that said there mind. Question were asked just like this program. I did make some changes using the group we became like family. The other group which might the day before were drug User. This was not very healthy part of town. One night I was running to get to the meeting when a drug dealer stopped me wanted to sell drugs to me. You loose control sometimes like a switch turning on. The night I new the director was at the door the as_ whole kid pulled a knife out. The next thing I remember cops had me down hand cuff. I thought I would be able to talk myself down too.

Get all the different types of help. Private, group ,online and in-house treatment. If you really want to be better you need to put your whole mind in the treatment. I do sit in with the AAA group
My your time be well spent to heal your mind and soul.

The getting help bit is the problem for me.
I won’t talk to no one, don’t want to, can’t have tried it’s not a part of my make up.

So for me it’s meds.. mostly I sort of sedate myself throughout the day with cannabis. Before cannabis it was opioids.

I never abuse, I’m not a junkie I just keep myself calm. Opioids were prescribed to me for 20 yrs due to an injury, I only ever took the prescribed dose for pain and it also helped with keeping me calm.

Now I take cannabis for pain, again only a maintenance dose for the pain and to keep calm. As an example I compared my cannabis intake to friends who smoke for the high, I take a month what they take in a week.

I have strong survival instincts and am always aware of the dangers around me. So I refuse to let addiction or recklessness weaken me in the face of my battles. I guess that’s why I been able to control my intake of meds even though I was on them so long and could quite easily of overdone it.

apart from sedating I’ve not found any other way.

 

[Workingonit]

The getting help bit is the problem for me.
I won’t talk to no one, don’t want to, can’t have tried it’s not a part of my make up.

It took me 20 years and the threat of possible imprisonment for me to ask for help. I get what youre saying. But i would consider the fact that you are here now is a good sign. Nobody is going to help you if you dont ask for help. Do you want help?

So for me it’s meds.. mostly I sort of sedate myself throughout the day with cannabis. Before cannabis it was opioids.

I never abuse, I’m not a junkie I just keep myself calm. Opioids were prescribed to me for 20 yrs due to an injury, I only ever took the prescribed dose for pain and it also helped with keeping me calm.

Now I take cannabis for pain, again only a maintenance dose for the pain and to keep calm. As an example I compared my cannabis intake to friends who smoke for the high, I take a month what they take in a week.

When im at my worst there is no middle ground. Whatever i occupy my time with is all consuming. So i cant really relate to that.

I have strong survival instincts and am always aware of the dangers around me. So I refuse to let addiction or recklessness weaken me in the face of my battles. I guess that’s why I been able to control my intake of meds even though I was on them so long and could quite easily of overdone it.

apart from sedating I’ve not found any other way.

Ive never experimented with anything harder than weed. But i do have an alcoholic abusive father and a mother who was a tweaker. Maybe there is some correlation. Alcohol makes me really sick since i was young. The hangovers last for days and tweakers send my spidey senses on overdrive. Maybe you are having a reaction to past trauma you attribute to substance abuse. Thats what i think it is with me.

Hope this helps.

 

[Ghazi]

I am a combat veteran. For what it’s worth i have an arcom for valor against armed enemy combatants. When the rage comes i dont feel anything at all. Just rage. I personally have to remove myself before it happens or find something else to beat on because it’s like an on/off switch. I find that door frames are good if you can manage but avoidance is best. Truck beds and dry wall are not good at all. Afterwards i cant sleep for long periods of time, maybe half a day or longer and when i finally do its bad. Complete and total exhaustion. There is nothing to be proven with violence. People are fragile and you could beat someone near to death and they survive or you could barely hit them and they die. Either way the consequences are unacceptable. Adrenaline dumps are by far the worst. I am terrified of hurting people. I guess thats what happens when you see them turned inside out or rendered into small pieces and a puddle of blood.

I don’t lose it over nothing. I go out of my way to help people and am always respectful regardless of age. I don’t want trouble I for sure never cause it, I just want to be left alone.

For me it’s a win at all cost mentality, it’s not something I have worked to instil, it just is. I can’t switch off until it’s resolved one way or another. Life is put on hold until it’s settled.
I will always go over and beyond to try and not have a problem with anyone weaker or stronger than me, and if we still have a problem then I feel that a clear intention has been shown to harm me, be it physically, financially or verbally. A declaration of war, oppression, abuse. Whatever we want to call it. So what am I supposed to do apart from defend myself?

This line of thought crosses over into my daily life and relationships, obviously I’m not fighting my friends and family or going around hitting people for little to no reason, but it does result in over reaction and over analysing in arguments and has led me over the years to just not have ppl close to me and have little conversation with pretty much anyone.

I guess I love and protect my people from a distance. I’m always told that they feel safe around me as they know I’m switched on. But that’s all I’m switched on to, I have no powers to build any sort of relationship with anyone.

 

[Friday]

I won’t talk to no one, don’t want to, can’t have tried it’s not a part of my make up.

Reading helps me.

Not just modern psychobabble, which definitely has a place in my heart / has proved damn useful… but?

Ancient to ModernHistory texts.

Modernly, I tend to stick to journals, for the most part… but ancient? <low whistle> These texts have survived for thousands of years becajse kf how useful & relevant they remain today (and 500 years ago, and 1,000 years ago, & 1500 years ago).

Just off the top of my head? (I was watching Black Sails, recently, so I dug out my kid’s copy of Marcus Aurelius : Meditations.

The emperor writes, 'How should you be? You should be like a rocky promontory against which the restless surf continually pounds. It stands fast while the churning sea is lulled to sleep at its feet. I hear you say, 'How unlucky that this should happen to me.' But not at all. Perhaps say instead, 'How lucky I am that I am not broken by what has happened and I'm not afraid of what is about to happen.' For the same blow might have struck anyone, but not many who would have absorbed it without capitulation or complaint.'"

^^^ Straight up CBT working on Cognitive Distortions ^^^ BUT written by a man a couple thousand years ago, experiencing the same hardships of heart & mind we struggle with today.

They published your diary
And that's how I got to know you
The key to the room of your own and a mind without end
- Indigo Girls

^^^ Music is another place I find answers, in addition to solace & grace.

Whilst I typically use music for its EMOTIONAL OOMPH? Including cooling rage, motivating my ass up and out, thinking, etc.? I’d never even thought to chat up ghosts to find out how THEY did things, when presented with the same problems, until I heard this song.

Countless other songs have presented the same info I’ve had people attempting to pound into my thick head for yeeeeeeears, that just suddenly clicks, and makes sense. Oh. This was what they meant. (Well why didn’t they say so?!? ) LMAO. They did. I just couldn’t hear them.

***
One of the many benefits of books & music? Like here in the forums, I can choose who to listen to, who I’m in the mood for, and work at my own pace… rather than depending on sheer luck to have the right person around to talk to, at the right time, and place.

 

[Ghazi]

It took me 20 years and the threat of possible imprisonment for me to ask for help. I get what youre saying. But i would consider the fact that you are here now is a good sign. Nobody is going to help you if you dont ask for help. Do you want help?


When im at my worst there is no middle ground. Whatever i occupy my time with is all consuming. So i cant really relate to that.


Ive never experimented with anything harder than weed. But i do have an alcoholic abusive father and a mother who was a tweaker. Maybe there is some correlation. Alcohol makes me really sick since i was young. The hangovers last for days and tweakers send my spidey senses on overdrive. Maybe you are having a reaction to past trauma you attribute to substance abuse. Thats what i think it is with me.

Hope this helps.

Yes I came here as I decided my only option is to try and get guidance of anonymous people who I can respect because they understand.

I cannot take a graduate seriously who learnt this stuff out of a book. Maybe that’s wrong of me but it’s just how I feel

I don’t drink and have never done any hard drugs even when everyone around me was out of their head and living life like a party. I would take a little weed and just observe them ensuring we were safe from threats.

I don’t mind defeat, everyone loses. But allowing myself to be weak and getting defeated I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.

Reading helps me.

Not just modern psychobabble, which definitely has a place in my heart / has proved damn useful… but?

Ancient to ModernHistory texts.

Modernly, I tend to stick to journals, for the most part… but ancient? <low whistle> These texts have survived for thousands of years becajse kf how useful & relevant they remain today (and 500 years ago, and 1,000 years ago, & 1500 years ago).

Just off the top of my head? (I was watching Black Sails, recently, so I dug out my kid’s copy of Marcus Aurelius : Meditations.


^^^ Straight up CBT working on Cognitive Distortions ^^^ BUT written by a man a couple thousand years ago, experiencing the same hardships of heart & mind we struggle with today.




^^^ Music is another place I find answers, in addition to solace & grace.

Whilst I typically use music for its EMOTIONAL OOMPH? Including cooling rage, motivating my ass up and out, thinking, etc.? I’d never even thought to chat up ghosts to find out how THEY did things, when presented with the same problems, until I heard this song.

Countless other songs have presented the same info I’ve had people attempting to pound into my thick head for yeeeeeeears, that just suddenly clicks, and makes sense. Oh. This was what they meant. (Well why didn’t they say so?!? ) LMAO. They did. I just couldn’t hear them.

***
One of the many benefits of books & music? Like here in the forums, I can choose who to listen to, who I’m in the mood for, and work at my own pace… rather than depending on sheer luck to have the right person around to talk to, at the right time, and place.

I do read, I like taking in knowledge.

Music I find strange. Rap used to make me more aggressive, and all other songs happy or sad ones just give me a huge emotional downer. I don’t have happy memories to relate to happy music, I can only call upon bad times.
Strangely if find I kind of get addicted to that downer feeling. I’ve stopped listening to music about 6 months ago for this reason.

 

[Ghazi]

Appreciate all the replies. I don’t know how yet, but I feel like it’s a positive step exchanging experiences