Self-esteem Is At An All Time Low

[goingonhope]

This is challenging, tough, feels impossible. Apparently, I'm really afraid that I'm gonna leave myself weak and vulnerable to the mood and mercy of others. Started this thread today because I just realized that I am in so much fear of nearly everyone here, and I don't understand this, and I feel weak and powerless to communicate, and I think well of others, but freeze and feel bad, and afraid that others are gonna make sure that I know that I am bad.

I just wanted to say Hi to some friends here today and I am just too afraid to. It's like this now in my life and it's like this here, and it's like this way too predictably these days, I keep returning to the disbelief that anybody does actually like, or could care about me, and certainly they don't need me contacting them, disrupting them, bothering them and saying hi.

Ya' embarrassing,

I know......thinking/believing like a kid apparently, Ouch. but truthful.

Anyhow, just saying hi here to friends I am currently wanting to say hello too.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Hope,

Sounds like you are having the same day I had on Monday. But even though you feel this way, you still reached out and posted.

Everyone is always happy to hear from their friends, even when we don't think they want to.

Take care.

Deb

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Hi Hope,

You are not alone in your fears. Thank you for taking the time to post and say hi. Reaching out is hard to do and you did it. Proud of you! PH

 

[goingonhope]

Deb and PH, I'm glad you got my hello's and btw your comments have seriously helped me, as did me forcing myself to post that hello.

There is nothing more hurtful then to feel shut down and closed off against your own will, and not even able to say hello, simply from believing the lies coming from within.

An awful lot lately, I am again unknowingly and painfully creating versions of stories in my thoughts from vague, general interpretations and conjecture of what evidence I think I have seen that supports the lies that my head is telling me. And, then all the fears sweep in and set out to control me and my decisions to want to open up, accept and allow myself to be and to want to communicate with and continue to know family and friends.

 

[intothelight]

There is nothing more hurtful then to feel shut down and closed off against your own will, and not even able to say hello, simply from believing the lies coming from within.
.

Hi Hope,

The battle "within" is the most difficult. In times of stress, I will immerse myself in activity, defining my own self-worth in what I do, rather than who I am. Then when I fail to meet my own impossible standards, the feelings of worthlessness become overwhelming.

It is a vicious cycle and it is good to even break it a little bit, because when it is broken we can start to see ourselves for who we truly are, and not as what someone told us we were.

Wishing you peace.

Debbie

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Hope, my Dear friend
xoxxoxoxox

 

[blueangel371115]

I don't think you're weird or a bad person. My first day here was very scary. Fear of judgement is a big thing with me. But the love and hope I feel here propels me every day.