Sufferer CPTSD and social interactions

[NikkiJJ]

Hi all,

I'm new here, Apologies if this has been discussed before. I'm reading on my mobile, so difficult to see all entries.

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2017 and I'm now 48. My trauma is from childhood neglect and both sexual and physical abuse.
I'm wondering if anyone else has issues with thinking everyone hates them? I find it very difficult to read people and always feel unwelcome and unworthy. I don't like social situations and always ready to leave. I make sure I look at ways to get out and always on edge. I find social events overwhelming and very stressful. I'm hyper vigilant and I disassociate.

I'm also unable to take any criticism at all. I take it very personally.

I have a desperate need to be liked and fit in. During my school years, I kept myself to myself. I didn't make friends easily and dealt with bullying daily. So I never really fitted in anywhere, I was never comfortable at home or school. I still feel like this now as a mum with daughters and a loving husband. I never feel like I belong - even with them.

I'm really not sure if this is common or if it's just me.

Thank you for reading, its my first time reaching out.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello,

Welcome to the community, and thank you for sharing your story with us. You are not alone in feeling this way. Many individuals with C-PTSD struggle with similar feelings of unworthiness, hypervigilance, and difficulty in social situations due to past trauma. The fear of being disliked or judged can be overwhelming and deeply rooted in the experiences of neglect and abuse you have endured.

It's important to know that what you are feeling is valid and understandable given your history of trauma. Seeking support and connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly beneficial. Here, you will find a safe space where you can share your feelings without judgment and receive understanding and empathy from others who have been on a similar journey.

There are specific forums on myptsd.com that focus on topics related to C-PTSD, social anxiety, and difficulty with relationships, where you can connect with others who may have experienced similar challenges. You may also find it helpful to consider seeking support from a mental health professional who has experience in trauma therapy to assist you in processing these difficult emotions and developing coping strategies.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take small steps towards self-compassion and self-care. You are deserving of love, understanding, and support as you navigate through your healing process. We are here for you every step of the way. Thank you for reaching out, and feel free to share more whenever you feel comfortable.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the community:)

What you’re describing sounds very familiar - I couldn’t do people at all for a long time. And I’m still liable to fall apart when I get criticised. Not nice things to be working through.

Do you have a therapist helping with this?

 

[NikkiJJ]

Hello,

Welcome to the community, and thank you for sharing your story with us. You are not alone in feeling this way. Many individuals with C-PTSD struggle with similar feelings of unworthiness, hypervigilance, and difficulty in social situations due to past trauma. The fear of being disliked or judged can be overwhelming and deeply rooted in the experiences of neglect and abuse you have endured.

It's important to know that what you are feeling is valid and understandable given your history of trauma. Seeking support and connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly beneficial. Here, you will find a safe space where you can share your feelings without judgment and receive understanding and empathy from others who have been on a similar journey.

There are specific forums on myptsd.com that focus on topics related to C-PTSD, social anxiety, and difficulty with relationships, where you can connect with others who may have experienced similar challenges. You may also find it helpful to consider seeking support from a mental health professional who has experience in trauma therapy to assist you in processing these difficult emotions and developing coping strategies.

Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take small steps towards self-compassion and self-care. You are deserving of love, understanding, and support as you navigate through your healing process. We are here for you every step of the way. Thank you for reaching out, and feel free to share more whenever you feel comfortable.

Thank you Riley, I'm really grateful for your response, advice and reassurance. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Welcome to the community:)

What you’re describing sounds very familiar - I couldn’t do people at all for a long time. And I’m still liable to fall apart when I get criticised. Not nice things to be working through.

Do you have a therapist helping with this?

Thank you, it's reassuring that the feelings are familiar. I've had to stop work as it was just all too much. It's like, I've had it with people, unable to take anymore and I've just cocooned myself away. I've had several therapies over the years, for such a long time I was treated without diagnosis. I think I cried when I was given diagnosis, finally I was able to understand myself so much better. I'm currently having therapy after a 3 year wait, although he is unsure which of the 3 therapies I should have. With the NHS, therapy is condensed to 12 weeks. The therapy on offer is CBT, EMDR and schema - I only get one shot at it so feel pressured to pick the right one. I've had CBT in the past but not trauma related. I tried EMDR but I just wasn't ready at that time to face my demons (things are different this time, I am ready). And the thing that's putting me off schema therapy is that usually it's completed over 6 months, so I'm worried that the 12 weeks on offer will be too short for it to work.
Thanks for taking the time to respond - I'm very grateful.

 

[Sideways]

The therapy on offer is CBT, EMDR and schema

I haven’t tried EMDR (availability issues), but I definitely wouldn’t try cramming schema therapy into 12 sessions. With complex trauma, it can bring up a lot of stuff to work through.

CBT is very widely available, with apps and books etc. And any amount of CBT can be helpful. But if I was setting aside just 12 sessions for the most impact (and I was stable and could already ground myself well…big if’s!) I would probably lean towards EMDR. But all 3 will probably be helpful.

The concept of recovering in 12 sessions is pretty bogus. But 12 sessions definitely has the potential to at least turn things around a bit, so good luck!

 

[NikkiJJ]

I haven’t tried EMDR (availability issues), but I definitely wouldn’t try cramming schema therapy into 12 sessions. With complex trauma, it can bring up a lot of stuff to work through.

CBT is very widely available, with apps and books etc. And any amount of CBT can be helpful. But if I was setting aside just 12 sessions for the most impact (and I was stable and could already ground myself well…big if’s!) I would probably lean towards EMDR. But all 3 will probably be helpful.

The concept of recovering in 12 sessions is pretty bogus. But 12 sessions definitely has the potential to at least turn things around a bit, so good luck!

Thank you for the advice, I'm leaning towards EMDR too, just because of the 12 weeks timescale.
Thanks again

 

[Friday]

Thank you for the advice, I'm leaning towards EMDR too, just because of the 12 weeks timescale.
Thanks again

The 12 week timescale is for a single trauma. Like 1 rape, or 1 car accident.

EMDR is INCREDIBLY effective. Expect a helluva lot longer than 12 weeks if you’re looking at YEARS of trauma, rather than a few minutes of trauma.

 

[NikkiJJ]

It totally makes sense that it would need to be longer than 12 weeks for years of trauma. There's a lot to cram in. Thank you

 

[beckyblue10]

Thank you Riley, I'm really grateful for your response, advice and reassurance. Thank you for taking the time to reply.


Thank you, it's reassuring that the feelings are familiar. I've had to stop work as it was just all too much. It's like, I've had it with people, unable to take anymore and I've just cocooned myself away. I've had several therapies over the years, for such a long time I was treated without diagnosis. I think I cried when I was given diagnosis, finally I was able to understand myself so much better. I'm currently having therapy after a 3 year wait, although he is unsure which of the 3 therapies I should have. With the NHS, therapy is condensed to 12 weeks. The therapy on offer is CBT, EMDR and schema - I only get one shot at it so feel pressured to pick the right one. I've had CBT in the past but not trauma related. I tried EMDR but I just wasn't ready at that time to face my demons (things are different this time, I am ready). And the thing that's putting me off schema therapy is that usually it's completed over 6 months, so I'm worried that the 12 weeks on offer will be too short for it to work.
Thanks for taking the time to respond - I'm very grateful.

Hello, we sound very similar. I am in London, where are you. I am definitely at a similar point in my journey and about to have some talking therapy before they can offer me the other methods. Good luck I can imagine deciding is hard. I also felt such a sense of relief for my PTSD diagnosis as I have felt I have been going mad for years trying to figure it all out. And constant researching. I am hoping to get a cptsd diagnosis as it's all stemmed in childhood trauma for me and living in a lot of emotional and visual flashbacks from being a small child. Good luck on your journey

 

[NikkiJJ]

Thank you for replying. In a way it's reassuring to know there are other people the same as me, although sad at the same time that others have gone through similar childhoods. I'm originally from Bristol but have lived in Wales for over 20 years now. I started talking therapy with the MIND charity, but they had to stop as they weren't able to deal with trauma half way through. I was asked what I wanted from therapy and I guess the ultimate thing is for it not to be at the forefront of my life. I really don't want the trauma to define me. I have regular bouts of wanting answers, which will never have. I was working until 2023, but had to leave as the symptoms were overwhelming me. I too have flashbacks, unwanted memories and night terrors. I haven't been able to piece together some of the flashbacks yet, it's like jigsaw puzzle but with some missing pieces. It's mad that you also had to research and unsure what your diagnosis was - very similar to me. I experienced mental health issues from around 14 years old, but in those days ptsd was something you got from war (I.e. vetrans). It's obvious now that I was displaying clear signs of the condition, were you the same? Good luck to you too, I hope the therapy goes well. Thanks again.

 

[arfie]

hello nikki. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. you are most definitely not alone.

the symptoms you describe are normal-for-me. the good news is that they are manageable. as i have healed and gained greater skill in managing those symptoms, i have also discovered great strength beneath those gnarly symptoms. keep stepping. share freely. share often.

for what it's worth
the 12 step approach to recovery has been called, "bogus." i respectfully disagree. every case is unique. i started my own recovery from child sex trafficking in 1972, 25 years before ptsd coalesced as an official dx and all its official treatment were available. in 1972, the 12 step programs were the most cohesive treatment available. i am eternally grateful i didn't wait 25 years to begin recovery. the steps work for me when i work them. the clinically detached professionals who have helped me on my healing journey have never seemed capable of providing the sort of understanding, emotional support and camaraderie i have received from my 12 step groups. "pro" means, "detached," doesn't it?

that said. . .

i am equally grateful that more options have become available. steadying support while you discover what works best for you.

healing happens. i hope it happens to you. welcome aboard.

 

[NikkiJJ]

Thank you. And thank you for sharing with me. I'm pleased to hear that the symptoms are manageable with healing and recovery. The forum has helped me to understand that I'm not alone with my feelings. I'm so glad I've reached out. Thanks again.