I hate myself so much

[apoxia_1997x]

Pretty much everything about myself is so disgusting.

Like for real even the fact pretty much all of my thoughts are about what others think of me makes me feel f*cking awful about myself as it contradicts what I'd rather be like.

I've got an unhealthy obsession with personality typology, and I get extremely distressed by certain results.

I want to be seen as intelligent and logical, I want to be skinny, I want my hair to be fluffy, I want to pass as a male.

AND the fact I used the term "I want to be seen" is evidence of how f*cking attention-seeking and shallow I am (and I'm so irrational I didn't realise that myself, I plagarised it from a Reddit MBTI meme)

I feel like Im not deep enough, I feel like Im too extraverted, I feel like Im too grounded in reality, like acknowledging too many "bad" traits simultaneously in myself makes me feel bad about myself.

my days are very unstructured and are mostly internet addiction (reddit/wikipedia facts about whatever I quickly forget, pinterest, druggy stuff, typology stuff), getting public transport to different locations for change of scenery, imagining fake scenarios, reminiscing on past memories, counting calories, journalling, and smoking weed

Im scared of looking shallow, illogical, hysterical, attention-seeking etc and I'm also equally as scared as being soft sweet shy effeminate docile modest cute naive etc as well.

Typology is not just an interest of mine but it's the air I breathe, where are all my typology buddies at??

 

[nayayar3]

Hi. You’re in a bad place right now, and that’s okay. You’re not bad. A lot of people have similar fears. Try small steps: simple routine, small goals, fewer screens, more air. Write down thoughts on paper. If you can, talk to a psychologist. You have already made the first step - write here. You are not alone.

 

[Rose White]

Typology is not just an interest of mine but it's the air I breathe,

To me it kind of sounds like typology is a distraction from accepting yourself.

pretty much all of my thoughts are about what others think of me

 

[Friday]

Im scared of looking shallow, illogical, hysterical, attention-seeking etc and I'm also equally as scared as being soft sweet shy effeminate docile modest cute naive etc as well.

Ever tried moving somewhere to BE all those things? In a place you don’t care about. With people you don’t care about.

Fair warning : There are dozens of places “you being you” is desirable, loved, lauded, accepted, cherished. So DO choose a place you like things like climate & extracurriculars, in addition to its wanting more people like YOU in its circle. As you’d be apt to fall in love with anywhere that sees/accepts/laudes you, as that’s clearly not where you are now/before. And climate? Matters. Seeeeeriously matters. To anyone forced to breathe its air.