Constant Depression.. When does it end?

[smmkaymmmkay]

Hmm I am not sure exactly how to start this off. Or even just explain it altogether. I guess I just struggle with a low - medium grade constant depression. It is always there. I have been a Guinea pig for many psych doctors - antipsychotics, antidepressants, naltrexone, mood stabilizers, trazodone, even lithium, adderall.. you name it - I have tried it. I'm currently on trintellix and welbutrin - which I have been on for years. These can not change.. I have tried and it goes down hill fast. I need to find the right med to "add".. but I havent yet.

I think I am always going to be this way unfortunately. I am just struggling with ways to "deal" with it lately. Sort of a way to acknowledge it and move on anyway? I usually let it upset me and then I just do whatever.. work if its a work day, lay around if its the weekend. I sleep and lay around all weekend and all free time off work. My poor dog doesnt get walked..

I have NO goals in life. All I want is for life to leave me be... not bring me any bad news or large bills. Nothing I cant handle. I wish I had a goal or a job/career I was going for... I just dont see that in my future. I don't even know how to envision something like that. I dont even have a goal for tomorrow. I write out a to do list and I can not and will not stick to it. I just let the depression and "I'm not in the mood!" get in the way of ALL of my needs/to do lists. I will literally not return a library book and pay a hundred dollars in fees because I "cant go" to the library. And now - I am paying rent that I cant afford so I REALLY cant do this type of thing anymore...

The thing is... I am not "depressed" on the surface. I am pleasant enough in my day to day life. I guess? I am not a debby downer. I like music and to sing and dance when I hear a good song....

So what do I do? How do you fix this? I dont want to be like this forever. I want "goals" and things to look forward to. I'm scared I forgot how to make them or even stick to a dang to do list. :-(

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @smmkaymmmkay and welcome to the site. Do you suffer from trauma or ptsd? Try getting professional help in the form of a therapist/counselor, also walk your dog, you have a responsibility to your dog, it will make you feel better also to get outside and do something .

When was the last time you felt happy/more content? Did you used to have any hobbies etc...? Therapy would definitely be very useful to you.

 

[Anne-Ana Mouse]

I don’t believe in Western Psychology anymore. Freud is a fraud as anyone who is educated knows. That wouldn’t include therapists with a bachelor's degree, by the way. They ask you if you feel better ‘getting it out.’ which feels like modern day blood letting and as about as brilliant. In the meantime, I found hypnotherapy. I didn’t understand how my ‘not caring’ and ‘not feeling’ was apathy from depression trauma ptsd ect when it infuriated me that I couldn’t ‘care’ and ‘feel.’ So I felt rage. for years. During this time, I got of the psych meds, and was pleasnelty surprised my homicidal fantasies (the kind where I’d see dead bodies in my mind like I’d been to war when I have never been to war and don’t play violent games or watch violent movies) well - they ended a week after I stopped the pills I’d taken for 3 years. I learned about detoxing, the body, the mind, from tech, from social media, from noise. I’ve been using hypnotherapy as taught by Arnoux Goran which built on what I already understood about it from Marissa Peer. In the past 6 months, I’ve ending my feelings of rage and apathy and instilled back into myself my greatest passion: art. I’ve lowered my anxiety tremendously and only have episodes when triggered from verbal abuse. I’m still working on that. So, I don’t recommend to get back into hobbies, or getting a new/better/more counseling at all. We can change our emotional perspective through self-hypnotherapy and by using that, we can live happier lives.

 

[thursday]

I wonder if you have a numb feeling most of the time. Or that you have mastered to hide from your feelings. Medication like anti depressants are there to help you to stop feeling sad, anxiety, etc. I've been on both for short periods. You're not suppose to take these medications for long times. You also need to work through the symptoms and what ever caused these.
It might sound harsh what I'm going to write, but psychiatrist are drug pushers, what they did to you is make you a junky. You said you can not get off the medication you're on now, you believe you need to take medication for the rest of your life.. I do agree you can't get off these Trintelixx and Welbutin on your own well seek professional help - rehab. I hope you're angry now. It's good to have an emotion. If you keep things botled up inside, you never heal. Crying is good too.

 

[Sideways]

It might sound harsh what I'm going to write, but psychiatrist are drug pushers, what they did to you is make you a junky.

Some, sure.

But depending on the person and the type of depression they’re experiencing, medication can be absolutely essential. Life saving. The only reason that other forms of therapy are helpful. Shaming someone for taking psychotropic medication on a mental health website appals me.

I wish I had a goal or a job/career I was going for.

I did a complete u-turn with my career late in life, and it all started with volunteering in an area that had meaning/value to me.

It was probably ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) that got me there. Helped me identify my values, and start taking small steps towards them.

I write out a to do list and I can not and will not stick to it. I just let the depression and "I'm not in the mood!" get in the way of ALL of my needs/to do lists.

Things that can be really helpful might include a daily routine, and exercise - even just a short walk can have phenomenal impacts on depression over time.

 

[thursday]

But depending on the person and the type of depression they’re experiencing, medication can be absolutely essential. Life saving. The only reason that other forms of therapy are helpful. Shaming someone for taking psychotropic medication on a mental health website appals me

I'm talking about psychiatrists, not about their clients. For your information.

 

[Friday]

I wonder if you have a numb feeling most of the time. Or that you have mastered to hide from your feelings. Medication like anti depressants are there to help you to stop feeling sad, anxiety, etc. I've been on both for short periods. You're not suppose to take these medications for long times. You also need to work through the symptoms and what ever caused these.
It might sound harsh what I'm going to write, but psychiatrist are drug pushers, what they did to you is make you a junky. You said you can not get off the medication you're on now, you believe you need to take medication for the rest of your life.. I do agree you can't get off these Trintelixx and Welbutin on your own well seek professional help - rehab. I hope you're angry now. It's good to have an emotion. If you keep things botled up inside, you never heal. Crying is good too.

Meds are different for different people.

Some people -c’est moi- cannot take antidepressants at all.
Others, it actually lets them feel like themselves.
Others, are chasing a high, or fighting coming down.

@smmkaymmmkay … Have you had your thyroid levels checked, your heart checked, &/or considered any hormones or beta blockers in your regime?

 

[whiteraven]

I've had depression for years. Meds and standard therapies never have helped. I'm learning to lower my expectations and just get through. It doesn't feel fair, but...it seems to be the way it is.

 

[Susan Jane]

But depending on the person and the type of depression they’re experiencing, medication can be absolutely essential. Life saving. The only reason that other forms of therapy are helpful. Shaming someone for taking psychotropic medication on a mental health website appals me.

Thank you Sideways! Nobody should judge, especially here. I struggle with my own guilt about not being “strong” enough to deal without meds. I lower them and then have to up them. My depression episodes are brutal and I cannot get through them on my willpower. I am too depleted from dealing with other symptoms. My episodes are beyond meds, but they hold me through months when I cannot get out of bed and stop speaking and eating. It is a horrible place to be. Just struggling out of it again at the moment and yesterday I decided to up my dose. It was not easy for me to accept. I don’t want to take meds but they are essential for me

 

[anthony]

My episodes are beyond meds, but they hold me through months when I cannot get out of bed and stop speaking and eating.

Whilst meds can be right for some people, most make depression worse. Usually the first side-effect of taking the med (here, have an anti-depressant that oh... first side effect is depression. WTF!)

I really can't stress enough how important exercise is in keeping depression in check. If you can push yourself, walk, whatever, but exercise and it will help control your depression. Exercise is the #1 treatment for depression, as it is the only thing that will naturally create the chemicals in your body to counter depression. It is that important.

 

[Susan Jane]

You are right Anthony, I have had both, the side effects can cause what they treat . I use them in really dark times. I believe you about exercise, I am walking at the moment. I am pushing myself most days but it helps. I hope to get back to more activities. My go to sitting in the sun, is not enough.