I have read something like, if 15min out of the week, where you would "normally feel disregulated ", you are not(due to practicing coping tools), then you are showing marked improvement(believe it or not) when the nervous system is in need of deep healing.
It's easy to want a big change or one we think is sizeable but the reality is professionals expectations of someone who is very disregulated typically(but working on it), what they consider progress takes a lot less then what you may "consider progress ".
So be patient with yourself.
Our nervous systems themselves may be very burnt out and so require significant healing, "before tools can work", or even be applied that is why, high expectations of self may need to give way to self compassion.
One may say, easier said then done. Absolutely agree with you there. It is hard.
I am a mom with CPTSD who's nervous system has gotten to a point of burnt out to the point of it needing to heal significantly(not just PTSD wise) but you're already in therapy, you're already applying tools, and learning more- so the missing step is self compassion, as we can not learn when we are shaming ourselves ♡
I "see you", and I know it's hard. I know we want to be better for those we love but also all your efforts count too, ok? It will come. What you put into, eventually bares fruit but even miracles take a little time and in the meanwhile, understand, our children aren't designed for perfect, so if we know how to do meaningful repair work, that may mean more at times, then "being that ideal parent" if we are doing all we can.
That looks like coming to the child and saying "I am sorry I(plain child friendly version of the wrong done), (do not rationalize, try to "make it make sense"(just then), do not try to "help them see why". No. Instead it's "that must've felt(name two or three simple feelings like "scary, sad") for you", "I'm sorry for that", now you can say (2 or three simple feelings) "mommy was overwhelmed and scared", next time I will(name coping tools) you will use or simple things like "mommy will step away and take a moment", so I will do better.
This validates, without excusing,rationalizing, or persecuting and shows genuine empathy for them and makes it "kid appropriate " while also naming your intent/and you will *try x thing next time*, cause you are learning and it still doesn't shame you, either.
It's a neutral place where they learn to be accountable without shame and that it's ok to be imperfect.♡ and that's good.
Best of luck mama, post again ok? We are here to listen and I am here to be kind/helpful.
Remember, if you were a bad mom, you would feel "like you do no wrong" ,it wouldn't register and it's hard to ask for help or be vulnerable like this, so good on you♡ :) ok? Good steps ♡
and welcome to the site. This forum is a wealth of information, resources and support. What kinds of things have you already found that help with emotional regulation? It's such a great goal to have for you and your children.
