Anyone got experience re having a legal guardian?

[Ecdysis]

I'm not sure whether "legal guardian" is quite the right term...

Where I live, if you're disabled and need help with your fianances or legal stuff, you can apply to the court system to get a "legal guardian" who has power of attorney and can help do stuff that's too hard for you to do.

We have pretty strict laws here covering this, and professional, trained "legal guardians" and I've been recommended a good one, so the risk here is very low.

Probably the main risk is: it impacting my self-esteem because it'll make me feel "even more disabled".

But then, there really is a bunch of stuff that I'm not able to do to look after myself and my affairs sufficiently... and all those things not working and messing up my life is also shit for my self-esteem and also makes me feel pretty disabled.

I've contacted the person who was recommended to me. I expect to hear back from them sometime in the next 1 - 2 weeks (unless they happen to currently be on summer vacation).

I guess I'll see what they say and make a decision then.

 

[Rose White]

because it'll make me feel "even more disabled".

I think the point of supports and accommodations is to make you feel less disabled! As in…

help do stuff that's too hard for you to do

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not sure if this is helpful @Ecdysis , as it's not exactly the same. But..

Probably the main risk is: it impacting my self-esteem because it'll make me feel "even more disabled".

^^ FWIW my mom, one sister and I had POA on each other since I was about 18. Legally that allows you to access the banking etc (though it ends at the moment of death). That being said it was because so many in my family died early +/or without warning. We did it for my aunt too. Yes, she was 'physically disabled' but she also hated math/ banking. My dad asked my mom if she would do the books. Not because he wasn't intelligent.

I hope you will put the word disabled away. Utilize whatever resources make life manageable and easier and better. I said in another thread, I would likely get a lot farther and with less pain if I parked my shame etc. There is no need for value judgements IMO. And if you know yourself well enough to know if it would be unhelpful without assistance and helpful with it and you have the option, fantastic. As long as it's a trustworthy person you will benefit. Just make sure you know what their reach is and feel confident with your choice.

 

[anthony]

Tough gig. Tough situation.

Probably the main risk is: it impacting my self-esteem because it'll make me feel "even more disabled".

Or you look at it on the other side: your self-esteem improves because you have less stressful factors that you're constantly beating yourself up with mentally because you need help and don't have it.

I say, kudos for reaching out for help, knowing you need it; recognition of our own issues is a huge majority of our own internal battle. Well done!

 

[Weemie]

My dad was my legal guardian from about 19-22, had complete control of my finances, medical proxy, etc. I don't have much information about the technicalities because the purpose of me needing this is that I was basically catatonic.

I couldn't talk properly or engage in adult activities like working or banking or managing life in any real capacity. Unfortunately he was also a drug addict and took most of my money for "rent" aka drugs, lol. At least he shared them with me! Gotta look on the bright side, eh?

I do caution anyone here who actually has cognitive capacity to be mindful of getting yourself into these situations - because once you're in, it can be hard to get out. My dad is a lot of things but primarily he is lazy, not truly malicious. Once I kind of came out of it around 22, I simply got a job, and got all of my money as a cheque and refused to use that bank account, opening up a new one.

I don't really remember having an issue with doing this stuff, nor did I need his permission for it as far as I remember - it's possible he simply gave the permission though. Again my memories of this time are all f*cked up, but once family members have access to joint accounts they can do whatever they'd like with the money involved. I lost around $14,000 total.

He also had access to all my medical records, came to dr's appts, met with my social worker on my behalf, did all my income statements etc. At one point during this I wound up being my mom's medical proxy?

So I'm not sure the timeline on this, or what was all legal or what. If I was truly legally incompetent or not, or if he just had greater permission than normal. With her, I had to make all the decisions for her medically, which I really shouldn't have been put in a position to do as I was not competent myself.

My grandma wound up getting something similar as I had to call adult protective services on her as she needed a carer and I wasn't allowed to live with her (nor realistically could I take care of her as I'm physically and mentally disabled myself). For her she had a lawyer who had control over her finances and as far as I know, pretty much followed her and I's wishes but also made sure bills got paid and got rid of all the weird shit she had signed up for.

 

[arfie]

learning how to ask for help without feeling disabled was a major breakthrough in my own healing journey. i still regress to that pridefulness on a fairly routine basis, but have established enough of a track record that putting that pride into perspective has become increasingly easy. nobody is good at everything and being comfortable with my own human limitations has helped me heal my self esteem tremendously.

for what its worth
those human limitations seem to be getting harsher here in my 69th year while asking for help seems to be getting ever more indignifying.

 

[Ecdysis]

Thanks @ all

I still feel really conflicted about it.

It feels like something shameful - something I wouldn't want to tell any of my friends, wouldn't want any work colleagues or neighbours to know. Probably wouldn't even want a partner to know. Sigh...

I think part of my brain knows it's a good idea and will be helpful.

But another part of my brain thinks it's awful.

Stupid brain.

Or maybe that's just normal... after all, there are both pros and cons to everything in life, so why should this be an exception?

I've sent my enquiry off with the mail and unless something weird/ unexpected happens, I guess I will go down this route...

Maybe I'll eventually transition away from it again, but given I'm at the worst I've ever been, it at least seems like sensible help to be getting in a crisis, to help get me through the crisis.

And whatever happens afterwards... well, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it... But to get to that bridge, I have to make it out of this crisis first and I guess I'll be better able to do that with a (professional) legal guardian.

The person that's been recommended to me is a lawyer and she does a lot of "legal guardian" work, so there's no risk of it being a potentially dodgy relative who will put their interests above my own...

Heh... just realising that it will mean I sort of have something in common with Britney Spears... Sigh...

 

[Ecdysis]

Got a call from the legal-guardian-lawyer today and she was lovely. Really kind, patient, reassuring ans she agreed to take me on as a client.

So I've sent off a request/ application and emailed my pdoc what paperwork I need from him for it.

Fingers crossed.

I'll have to see a judge who will talk to me about it and who will formally do the court order to approve it.

Feeling a bit panicky but also relieved that I'm doing it and that the legal-guardian-lawyer sounds so kind and that she was also recommended to me by someone whose judgement I trust and who has known her work with clients of his for two decades

 

[Teasel]

Hope it goes really well and takes some stress off you

 

[RLJ]

I'm not sure whether "legal guardian" is quite the right term...

Where I live, if you're disabled and need help with your fianances or legal stuff, you can apply to the court system to get a "legal guardian" who has power of attorney and can help do stuff that's too hard for you to do.

We have pretty strict laws here covering this, and professional, trained "legal guardians" and I've been recommended a good one, so the risk here is very low.

Probably the main risk is: it impacting my self-esteem because it'll make me feel "even more disabled".

But then, there really is a bunch of stuff that I'm not able to do to look after myself and my affairs sufficiently... and all those things not working and messing up my life is also shit for my self-esteem and also makes me feel pretty disabled.

I've contacted the person who was recommended to me. I expect to hear back from them sometime in the next 1 - 2 weeks (unless they happen to currently be on summer vacation).

I guess I'll see what they say and make a decision then.

Guardianship is done through state agencies who provide trained personel. Some are more effective, compassionate, capable than others. Nobody is getting rich doing this job, just fyi. The mentally ill need help making sure they don't spend all their money on... scratchers and shoes. That someone gets them to a dentist, that someone helps them with books, shoes they might need. The state is supposed to pay for medical but everyone knows no one accepts 'obama care'. insurance. so the poor and sick are in a pretty terrible position. People who are ill, infirmed, they can use a guardian to protect them and their assets from nefarious people, relatives who have their own views that differ from the patient, and keep the money in a bank account to pay bills or whatever. It can be helpful but yes there is a weird 'girl with the dragon tattoo'. stignma. Although the movie might have helped people see that not everyone who is 'court ordered' is totally incapable. Some people really do need to be in locked facilities.... they are safer, they feel safer, and it's a chance for them to get their ducks in a row. Well people ... are not like sick people. I think they (well people). sometimes forget that. good luck Investigate .. public 'opinion' just goes so far...

 

[RLJ]

Got a call from the legal-guardian-lawyer today and she was lovely. Really kind, patient, reassuring ans she agreed to take me on as a client.

So I've sent off a request/ application and emailed my pdoc what paperwork I need from him for it.

Fingers crossed.

I'll have to see a judge who will talk to me about it and who will formally do the court order to approve it.

Feeling a bit panicky but also relieved that I'm doing it and that the legal-guardian-lawyer sounds so kind and that she was also recommended to me by someone whose judgement I trust and who has known her work with clients of his for two decades

hope things are still going well....

 

[Lost in the Woods]

This is interesting in that where I am Legal Guardian is for children. For adults it is a Conservatorship. Normally a person has to be shown to lack capacity to manage their affairs. If a person is in such a state they lack contractual capacity and thus cannot enter a contract that is enforceable against them. So how can a person who lacks contractural capacity contract to acquire a legal guardian?

There is another avenue and that is for you to set up a trust with you being the beneficiary. There would be a trustee who would manage everything.

Be mindful of permanent solutions to temporary problems.