I am stuck with no way out.

[Poison]

I live with family (I have always lived with this family member). There is a long history of violence and mental health issues in said family. This has lead to my own CPTSD. Everything has calmed down a lot over the last decade or so and I was making some progress. Then I had a child and the hormones reacted badly with existing conditions and led to OCD.

I have constantly been told I should move out, by professionals and friends alike. But I had a carer role since childhood and it was always too difficult to break away from that mentally and deal with my own issues.

I am now 30 and more trapped than I have ever been. I am largely unable to take care of myself and my partner acts as my carer as well as taking care of our child. I do my best, but it is by no means enough.

I cannot work, my ocd largely leaves me unable to function. My CPTSD is constantly triggered by my family member (who also suffers from CPTSD). I need to move out.

However all the same reasons it didn’t happen before still exist, along side my child being happy and settled here. I don’t know and have never been taught another way. Living with family makes money issues manageable and I am terrified of my own unreliability. I have no consistency in my ability to manage my health. And I am scared of what may happen to my family if I leave them alone.

Now it is not only myself at risk if I fail, but my child. The pressure is insurmountable. I am doomed if I stay, but my child may suffer if we leave. So I stay. Not that I really know of any reasonable way to leave anyway.

I am stuck, lost and slowly dying from inaction.

 

[PamelaS]

I live with family (I have always lived with this family member). There is a long history of violence and mental health issues in said family. This has lead to my own CPTSD. Everything has calmed down a lot over the last decade or so and I was making some progress. Then I had a child and the hormones reacted badly with existing conditions and led to OCD.

I have constantly been told I should move out, by professionals and friends alike. But I had a carer role since childhood and it was always too difficult to break away from that mentally and deal with my own issues.

I am now 30 and more trapped than I have ever been. I am largely unable to take care of myself and my partner acts as my carer as well as taking care of our child. I do my best, but it is by no means enough.

I cannot work, my ocd largely leaves me unable to function. My CPTSD is constantly triggered by my family member (who also suffers from CPTSD). I need to move out.

However all the same reasons it didn’t happen before still exist, along side my child being happy and settled here. I don’t know and have never been taught another way. Living with family makes money issues manageable and I am terrified of my own unreliability. I have no consistency in my ability to manage my health. And I am scared of what may happen to my family if I leave them alone.

Now it is not only myself at risk if I fail, but my child. The pressure is insurmountable. I am doomed if I stay, but my child may suffer if we leave. So I stay. Not that I really know of any reasonable way to leave anyway.

I am stuck, lost and slowly dying from inaction.

Thanks for reaching out. Sorry for your struggle. Do you have anyone on the outside who can help you? I understand. I have been stuck in unhealthy situations as well. Do you have a counselor or therapist who can support you as you consider the possibility of moving out or face staying there? Change is hard. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[Poison]

No, I don’t. Been in and out of therapy for years. But the services keep moving further towards a results based system and my issues don’t fit. It’s mainly my family that have rail roaded me into this situation. I escaped one danger for another, more complicated one. I am safe here now, but the trauma remains.

Thought about going on the list for housing, but have been reminded that my family would likely lose their home and they are such a big part of my child’s life, it would feel like I’m taking her away from them.

My daughter is happy, safe and cared for here. It is myself and my family member who have issues.

 

[PamelaS]

No, I don’t. Been in and out of therapy for years. But the services keep moving further towards a results based system and my issues don’t fit. It’s mainly my family that have rail roaded me into this situation. I escaped one danger for another, more complicated one. I am safe here now, but the trauma remains.

Thought about going on the list for housing, but have been reminded that my family would likely lose their home and they are such a big part of my child’s life, it would feel like I’m taking her away from them.

My daughter is happy, safe and cared for here. It is myself and my family member who have issues.

Thank you for your honesty and explaining your situation. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I understand completely. In my own situation, I chose to sacrifice myself for the good of my children. It was not fun. It was not good for me. But it was better than the alternative for my children. The definition of true love is to lay down your own needs and desires for the one that you love. I will be praying for you as you move forward in order to not only survive your situation, but to thrive in it. If you are safe, that is the most important thing for you. I will be praying that you stay safe. Please invest some time in learning about boundaries in order to protect yourself from further harm. It took me two years to be physically and emotionally safe using boundaries, but it was well worth those two years of hard work. I am now living at peace and am physically and emotionally safe. We cannot heal when we are not safe. The first thing that is necessary in order to move forward and to heal is to achieve safety. Please feel free to reach out anytime. I understand your situation completely, and I am here to support you in any way that I can. Thank you for reaching out and being vulnerable to share your situation. I like to look at things as seasons. For two years, I was in a season that was very, very, not good for me. But now I am in a season that is good for me. I am safe. I am benefiting from not having to pay the bills. I can make sure that my own needs are being met now. Try to see your situation as a season that will pass. It will not last forever. One thing that is always true. Is that change is inevitable. That’s a good thing. That allows for the possibility of a better future. You are making decisions now in order to have a better future for your daughter and yourself. She will not always be dependent on you. That means you will be able to get out of the situation as soon as she is on her own. Now all you need to do is learn how to thrive in your situation, and not just survive. It is possible. I know because that’s what I’m doing. Focus on the hope of a better future. Keep your eyes on that hope as you endure your current situation. You may not have other people in your life to support you, but you have a safe place here in this forum with people who understand what you’re going through and what you have been through. That is very valuable. You are not alone. You have all of us. Please feel free to reach out anytime.

 

[Poison]

Thank you for your honesty and explaining your situation.

Thank you for your heart felt words. It genuinely helps to hear that others have found peace with similar situations.
Is five years considered a season? My fear is that this will last another ten. Is it really okay to only start living at 40? Is there a way to learn life skills secretly?

 

[PamelaS]

Thank you for your heart felt words. It genuinely helps to hear that others have found peace with similar situations.
Is five years considered a season? My fear is that this will last another ten. Is it really okay to only start living at 40? Is there a way to learn life skills secretly?

There is no defined length for a season. My life has many seasons going on at the same time. I have a season of disability and sickness for the past 25 years. I have multiple seasons of multiple years of dealing with abuse. When caring for a child, I believe the season starts when they are born and ends when they are capable of caring for themselves. For some that is 18 years. For others that is shorter. And for others that is longer. My son only graduated from high school at the age of 19. But he is still not capable of caring for himself. This season may be a lifetime, his lifetime. It all depends on the issue how long the season may last. Hope this helps. Most importantly, it helps to reframe the situation by looking at the ultimate good outcome that may come at the end of the season. Sometimes there are multiple good outcomes, some for you and some for others. It all depends on how you look at it. I am hopeful that you will learn the skills necessary to maneuver successfully through every season of your life. It is a skill to be learned. There are tools available to do this. Boundaries are a tool that are used to protect yourself. I encourage you to look into what boundaries are and how to use them. Thank you for reaching out.Feel free to reach out anytime. We are here to help and support you.
Is it possible for you to be able to have a counselor, therapist or coach to work with as you maneuver through this season of your life? I have found it very helpful. Hoping that tomorrow will be a little bit better than yesterday for you as you learn skills and rely on the people available to you, like this forum, for example. One day at a time. One step at a time. Trying to move forward to a better future.

 

[Rose White]

Hi, you are definitely not alone. I was also trapped with family members taking care of me and kids and mental illness and I believed I was incapable of living on my own. Yes you can learn life skills in secret. I agree with Pamela that boundaries are an important first step.