Chastised and humble ...

[RiverDog]

I am back from my "time out" and it has gained me some clarity within the realm of social interaction. I.e., nobody likes a smart ass or someone with a superiority complex. I apologise for what what amounts to complete frustration. So let us take this subject and its subtexts step by step. What do you say?

 

[PlainJane]

Well, if there is one thing about us, we understand dysregulation and frustration! For the sake of this thread, what subject are you wanting to delve into?

 

[Ecdysis]

Welcome!

 

[arfie]

welcome back, riverdog. congratulations on finding your way back. may the precedent grow into a healing path.

what do i say? mostly, i am listening.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

glad to see you back, it’s nice to see people with reflection

 

[Torch]

I am back from my "time out" and it has gained me some clarity within the realm of social interaction. I.e., nobody likes a smart ass or someone with a superiority complex. I apologise for what what amounts to complete frustration. So let us take this subject and its subtexts step by step. What do you say?

I think you're being too hard on yourself.

What I saw was a person joining new a social group and deciding to use an icebreaker... something very common, even encouraged in some spaces, when introducing oneself to others or a new group.

The icebreaker being hit with the levels of passive-aggression was really out of line. You hit back with passive-aggression and it spiraled.
IMO you took the fall because you were 'new', and the people who were part of the 'in group' didn't receive any similar bans or punishment for their embarrassing, awful behavior. The entire situation was incredibly unequal, unjust, and embarrassing for the forum and it's members.

I'm glad to see that your unjust treatment didn't dissuade you from rejoining, and that you were able to learn something about the 'norms' regarding socialization in this space, regardless of the regretful, shameful conduct of the members who use this website.

 

[Torch]

@anthony @Friday @Sideways
Perhaps clarifying and elaborating on some forum “social norms” and adding them to the copyright “read before you post” section would be beneficial for new members and established members alike.

We all come from a variety of backgrounds, social groups, upbringings, etc- meaning that we come from many different sets of established norms. It seems pretty normal that someone might not be able to read the culture and “social norms” of this forum immediately without looking towards some sort of guideline post for guidance.

Only suggesting to avoid a high school cringe drama situation like this from repeating on the forum.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@Torch - already covered! You can find info about the vibe here in the Community Constitution. Beyond that, as it says in the CC, we embrace diversity, rather than norms.

 

[Torch]

Mod Note:
@Torch - already covered! You can find info about the vibe here in the Community Constitution. Beyond that, as it says in the CC, we embrace diversity, rather than norms.

Fantastic!
Is there a way to make this Community Constitution more visible or otherwise accessible at each log in or before posting?
I see the copyright link before each post, but wasn't able to find the Community Constitution on my own without asking.
Perhaps without an easier link, the community will be more likely to break the Community Constitution unknowingly.

In Riverdog's introduction, there were/are established members who met Riverdog with passive-aggression and poor regulation, which sent Riverdog down a similar path and to what appeared to be an attempt to utilize humor to diffuse the tension. The humor did not successfully placate the passive-aggressive members of this forum, and arguably added aggression.

I notice that Riverdog got a temp ban and that the forum members who 'read the icebreaker/situation wrong', acted passive-aggressively, with poor regulation, and by doing so, escalated an initially goofy and harmless intro post, and failed to meet the Community Constitution agreement through their poor behavior.

I'm curious, if this Community Constitution is to be taken seriously by the community, then why did these passive-aggressive community members receive pardons from a temp ban, but the person who was aggressed at introduction receive a ban?
This unequal treatment is a problem.
I'm surprised that Riverdog decided to return to the forum at all after how that played out.

All this to say- I'm trying to think about how things can be done differently to avoid a similar situation from repeating.

 

[anthony]

Is there a way to make this Community Constitution more visible or otherwise accessible at each log in or before posting?

It is there at registration, it is sent to each new registered member by email and direct conversation, it is linked in the footer of every page. Besides taking each person and slapping them with it... there isn't much more to do. Not sure that would work either. This is a classic example of how many times I have placed a link to a subject in front of people, and they still haven't read it due to ignorance. Don't be offended, we all do it, especially online. So many terms and conditions, and this and that, when signing up online nowadays, we don't read stuff, we just register and go. It's like ads online nowadays... users are blind to them a majority of the time.

 

[Torch]

It is there at registration, it is sent to each new registered member by email and direct conversation, it is linked in the footer of every page. Besides taking each person and slapping them with it... there isn't much more to do. Not sure that would work either. This is a classic example of how many times I have placed a link to a subject in front of people, and they still haven't read it due to ignorance. Don't be offended, we all do it, especially online. So many terms and conditions, and this and that, when signing up online nowadays, we don't read stuff, we just register and go. It's like ads online nowadays... users are blind to them a majority of the time.

I'm not only talking about poor conduct among new members, but regular memebers as well.

I can't speak for everyone, but I read the Community Constitution upon creating an account, and here almost a month later cannot recall the contents or find the link without asking. Sure, some people might not actually not read it, but even the ones who do might forget ever having the link introduced upon joining the forum.

This isn't about personal offense, this is about trying to find a better system to minimize bans of new members and keep regular and engaged members more aware and mindful of the Community Constitution and their own conduct.

Could it be possible that in making the Community Constitution more visible and accessible, that more users would be mindful of it or browse it during a log in - new and regular members alike?
Could this make forum members less ignorant?

I've clicked on the copyright link that highlights yellow or other colors before posting- simply because it is there. Even though I've read it a number of times before. It doesn't say anything new, but each day it's a reminder. I know this is pretty back-end coding type talk, but if there was a way or common place to home the Community Constitution link- somewhere like below the copyright reminder 'read before posting' reminder, it's possible that the moderators will have less interventions with regular forum users and potentially have to issue less bans.

There will be exceptions, sure, but maybe there will be less new user bans, which I've noticed a lot of in my short time here, and ideally more mindful forum members. Mindful enough that someone who is using an icebreaker as an introduction isn't passive-aggressively attacked and put on defense on their first interaction.

 

[Ecdysis]

I think you're getting yourself absolutely and utterly tied up in knots about something that was no big deal at all.

It was a bunch of people speaking frankly to each other in a situation where communication wasn't working well and had hit a snag.

Then there was some re-calibration about how to get into good, useful, meaningful exchanges with each other.

I'm not sure what your point is about turning this into some kind of complicated pseudo-problem.