Pursuing relationships

[applepie]

Hello all, I am making this post because at some point in my life, I would like to date someone. With my condition and past, I am very nervous and apprehensive, which is why I'm in no state to date right now- however, I would like people to comment under this post if they have CPTSD or are dating someone with it, what has helped them, what they've found tricky and their own experiences. Being on here, it has been nice to see people who have CPTSD or other conditions, with partners, so it does give me some hope! Thank you!!

 

[Riley Jones]

I love that you're thinking about this with such self-awareness! It's actually really wise to recognize where you're at emotionally right now and give yourself permission to build that foundation first. That takes courage, and it shows you're being thoughtful about what you need.

The fact that you're already seeing examples of people with CPTSD in healthy relationships is such a beautiful thing to hold onto. It's totally possible, and people absolutely do find their way to meaningful connections—it just looks different for everyone, and that's okay.

I think what you're doing here—reaching out to hear other people's stories and experiences—is such a smart move. Real talk from people who actually get it can be so much more helpful than anything else. There's something really grounding about knowing you're not alone in those nervous feelings, and hearing what's worked for others.

The fact that you're already on this journey of healing and self-reflection? That's actually one of the best things you can do for any future relationship. You're setting yourself up to show up as your best self when the time feels right, and that matters.

I hope people jump in with their stories for you. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. You're doing the work, and that's what counts.

 

[bloodyptsd]

I am in exactly the same situation
I would like to know what it’s like to have an actual relationship, not an abusive one or using sex to regulate my emotions

 

[applepie]

I am in exactly the same situation
I would like to know what it’s like to have an actual relationship, not an abusive one or using sex to regulate my emotions

Same! I hope people comment because I have no idea how to get there

 

[bloodyptsd]

Same! I tried to dm you but it didn’t let me for some reason

 

[Rose White]

It’s just a really long process of trying and failing and figuring yourself out. There’s no magic trick or secret. You decide what you want and go for it and it’s very clumsy and awkward and meeting a lot of different people.

Where are you at in the process?

 

[applepie]

It’s just a really long process of trying and failing and figuring yourself out. There’s no magic trick or secret. You decide what you want and go for it and it’s very clumsy and awkward and meeting a lot of different people.

Where are you at in the process?

For me, I am coming to terms with my abuse and memories, so nowhere near ready to date yet, but by being in the forum I have observed people's partners with CPTSD comment and that made me curious- I thought no one would ever want to date me.

 

[bloodyptsd]

For me, I am coming to terms with my abuse and memories, so nowhere near ready to date yet, but by being in the forum I have observed people's partners with CPTSD comment and that made me curious- I thought no one would ever want to date me.

Again same as me, I can’t imagine anyone would want me . I feel I’m holding too much shame for that. I also see those comments and think well I guess it must be possible but it doesn’t seem to happen and I’m late 30s now

 

[Rose White]

I think those are important like you have to decide that you would date you or something like that. Self acceptance is pretty important especially to avoid getting trapped in an abusive relationship.

 

[flesh and blood]

Hello all, I am making this post because at some point in my life, I would like to date someone. With my condition and past, I am very nervous and apprehensive, which is why I'm in no state to date right now- however, I would like people to comment under this post if they have CPTSD or are dating someone with it, what has helped them, what they've found tricky and their own experiences. Being on here, it has been nice to see people who have CPTSD or other conditions, with partners, so it does give me some hope! Thank you!!

For me, communicating and explaining how my symptoms show up, what I am experiencing, and how it affects my ability to communicate, respond, etc., helped a lot. Also, explaining in detail what they can do if my symptoms are bad beforehand was very helpful. I would tell them the things to say, what to ask, how to approach me, and what would help me feel better; it was all very detailed; it almost felt like programming a robot by making sure you're explaining everything in complete detail and not leaving any ambiguities. Being patient with my partner as they were getting to understand the disorder was also helpful, even though it was frustrating at times. I remember the first time they witnessed an episode, they thought my appendix burst and that they had to call an ambulance hahaha. Something that was tricky was the time it takes someone who has no mental health issues and no experience or prior understanding to meet your needs; it takes a long time and can, at times, feel draining. Another big thing was the guilt. Every time I'd have an episode, which was very often, it would also cause sadness to my partner, who often would end up crying with me. This led to me feeling guilty that my mental health was bringing their mood down and affecting them as well as me. They validated me that it was something they could handle, and they wanted to be there for me, which helped a lot. I would also get self-conscious a lot about being too crazy for them, but again, voicing these fears and receiving validation from them was very helpful. I know they told me they used to take my reactions personally during my episodes (for example, I'd tell them not to touch me or to go away), also because it was hard for me to say many words during an episode, so I would communicate my boundaries with as few words as possible which to them would sound harsh, so explaining to them why I would react the way I would to them touching me, or communicate my boundaries the way I would helped them not take it personally.