Almost Lost My Mind At The Store!

[Goose]

Yesterday I had a really good day:). Everything was going great. I had been watching a movie last night and after it was over I got a little bored, so I decided to load up and go to the store. Normally I don't go out by myself especially at night. But for some reason I didn't even think about it. So I drove the 28 miles to the store where I do all my shopping. As I'm walking into the store I noticed a man standing about 20 feet from the entrance smoking a cigarette. I glanced back in his direction and saw that he was looking at me. Like I do most times I try to not let things get to me. I continue to do my shopping and notice that same guy doing some shopping too. I was in the store maybe 40 minutes or so. And every time I saw this guy I got more and more nervous. I could feel myself getting really nervous so I didn't even finish my shopping and went straight to check out. As I was putting my things on the counter I noticed this man was in line to check out a few rows down. By the time I start going to the exit to leave I'm already in a panic. I look out the exit and there are a group of college age guys standing outside talking. I could see my truck from where I was at. But it might as well have been 1000 miles away. And I realized that me being out by myself like this was such a bad idea. I couldn't even make myself walk out to my truck. I call my friend Jason and as soon as he answers the phone I have a complete meltdown. I could barely tell him where I was and what I was doing. When he figured out where I was he told me to just stay put. When he got there I was a total mess. I couldn't even think straight. I cried the whole drive home with my friend following behind me to make sure I made it home. I felt awful that he had to drive all that way because of all my bullshit not to mention how embaressed I was that once again he saw me freak out like that:unsure:. I was disappointed in myself. I had such a good day and it ended completely messed up. I feel like I'm always going to be a prisoner:cry:.

 

[KP the nut]

((((Goose))))

Celebrate the good day you had. I don't know your story but anyone would be wary of a man appearing to follow you. I would be. Although supermarkets here (England) have singles nights, find love over toilet rolls or fresh fish :eek:

You should be proud of yourself for being able to phone a friend. Please try not to be embarresed, I'm sure your friend was just concerned for you and no-one minds helping a friend - that's what friends do.

You are not always going to be a prisoner, maybe try a closer, smaller store and build up. Discuss this with your T, if you have one and try and remember your breathing and grounding techniques.

Take care
KP

 

[Goose]

I can't help but feel bad about my friend always having to help me out of my "kinks". Hes had to do it so many times. He was a little upset last night because I scared him and I didn't mean to to that either. This may sound like a stupid question but what are grounding techniques?

 

[Dorian]

Goose,

First I want to say good on you that you were able to call your friend. And while I am sure he was scared when you called, he was probably relieved that you were ok and that you called him.

I know I have had times when I am in a store I have had to either go check out right away or I have just left the stuff in the cart and left because I would start to panic because of certain triggers I have. It got to the point where I had to do just what KP said and go to alternatives and work my way back up to the bigger stores. I am glad you are ok and I also would like to know some of the grounding techniques as well.

 

[Goose]

Yes, I am also very interested in some grounding techniques. I don't have a Therapist or anything. I did have one for a short period of time right after my accident when I was 15, but had an awful experience and never went back to one. So any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Srain]

It's not unusual to not always have the right fit with a therapist the first few times around, please don't let that stop you from searching for another, OK? It's important to keep looking so that whatever is bothering you doesn't continue to fester and become even worse than it already is. Each time you have another experience you are not helping the situation by backing yourself into a corner without professional assistance, does that make sense?

Before going out it would be a good idea to practice the "Grounding Techniques", you can look them up online. It's much like Mindfulness, relaxation. You can stop in the store should you feel your pulse start rise and just breathe, remember to become aware of where you are, relax, etc. You did the right thing by calling your friend, perhaps next time you could have them talk you to your car and when you are safely in, lock the doors and talk until you are calm enough to drive.

In the future, should you drive at night, you might try to park as close as you can to front door. First it's safer and second it's closer should this occur again. I am still prone to panic and anxiety attacks from interactions with staff or flashbacks in stores so getting to my car, being able to lock the doors, and getting on my phone to call a friend is vital to me in order to steady myself. Should mindfulness or grounding techniques are out of the questions at that moment, it's like stepping into my safe room.

Please don't be hard on yourself, I've no doubt you would do this for your friend. Take good care,
Rain

 

[anni]

Hi Goose,

I wished to just offer one of my grounding techniques for public places? I'm sure others have heard this many times. I think it's probably calming plus tends to break the anxiety thought loop, although am not a professional so do not know this for a fact. My T 'gave' it to me some years ago. You breathe in through your nose slowly for 5 counts, hold it for 5 and out through your mouth slowly for 5 counts. Take normal breaths in between so you don't get light headed! It can be done unobtrusively and I've found it awfully effective when needed to help bring things back from 'that place' sometimes.

Yes, please don't be so hard on yourself with this. It does sound as if this swine was behaving badly enough to have been genuinely alarming, after which we all know what the PTSD nervous system does with the adrenaline overload, much less the rest of the sometimes inevitable chain of events. I think it was a very good excercize in exposure therapy to have attempted some night shopping, I'm so sorry it ended so badly for you. Perhaps if you can bring yourself to try it again another time, put the measures others suggested into use this time sort of pre-ensuring your peace.

I know we all feel we wear the stuffing out of our friends and loved ones. I hope you can let yourself off the hook with this also. If he was lovely enough to come out and help you, he's probably not viewing it as the imposition you think it is.Good friends don't keep score, as I'm sure you do not, they're just there.

Do take care,

Anni

 

[Froggie]

Hi Goose, I see you're fairly new to the forum. You did the right thing and you have a very good friend. As some mentionned here, it would be important to find another therapist and you have the right to "shop" around. Even if this forum helps and has some good tricks, it will never replace a professionnal who will accompany you through what you are going through.

 

[Goose]

Several of my friends have told me to find a therapist. I tried about 2 years ago, I made an appointment and everything and when I got there I couldn't make myself get out of my truck and go inside. I had a complete meltdown in the parking lot. I hate being around people I dont know. There are times when I feel like I've let this go on for so long that there is no way I can fix it.

 

[KP the nut]

You breathe in through your nose slowly for 5 counts, hold it for 5 and out through your mouth slowly for 5 counts. Take normal breaths in between so you don't get light headed! It can be done unobtrusively and I've found it awfully effective when needed to help bring things back from 'that place' sometimes.

Mine is in for 4, hold for 2 and out for 4. I think the idea is to slow the breathing and something to concentrate. I also look for a seat and then think how my body feels in the seat, how my feet touch the floor, my legs on the seat etc.

 

[Reclusive]

I find holding something very grounding, and concentrating on how it feels - warm or cold, rough or smooth, plastic, metal, glass, whatever. It's nice because you can do this with a shopping cart and you don't look too out of place. At the same time, breathing and bringing your heart rate down will help a lot.

 

[ktmarie71]

Love the breathing advice. I do that and I taught it to my daughter when she is feeling irrational -she is a teen so that is more often now..LOL- Anyway, I have experienced the stranger-supermarket- parkinglot thing myself. I usually try a few diffrent things...one breathing.. then if I dont feel comfortable. I will turn around and go back into the store, skipping the parkinglot and go window shopping until I feel calm..I especially like to go the greeting card section and look at the funny cards...gets me laughing and then I forget I was so scared....then if I just cant shake it I have actually asked one of the store employees to walk with me to my car...if I can just ask them to help me with my bags which they are glad to do. Finally if you really do feel that someone is following you turn around and be bold and say something firm but not mean like "Do you need something?" look them right in the eye too. if someone wants to hurt you they are not going to be comfortable with you confronting them like that...it means you got a good look at them and you might be someone who wont go down easy. of course it could all be just a coincidence and the other person may be startled but thats ok...Its more important for you have a sense of the true nature of the situation. Oh and I agree with the others ...get another thearapist. at some point you will get out of the car...would be helpful, if you tell the doc that you have tried before but couldnt get out of the car...they might be able to give you a pointer, meet you in the parking lot or maybe come up with an alternative plan.