Anyboy Else Have Trouble Hearing About Other People's Traumas

[Heather]

Nicole (my 7y/o) had a playdate today. We planned to take the girls to McDonald's and then bowling. Her friend's mom (Alicia) and I were talking and I was telling her about another playdate that Nicole had. She had gone over to her little friend Daniel's house and he wanted to kiss her. Needless to say Nicole WON'T be going over to Daniel's house anytime soon.

Anyway, Alicia said that she's very protective of her daughter because her niece who had lived with her for over a year was sexually molested by her Uncle. Alicia would talk to her all the time about good touch/bad touch but her niece never said a word. She became pregnant with his child. She didn't realize she was pregnant utill she was 24 weeks along. The child was placed up for adoption. He denied everything. Even after he was arrested he still maintained his innocence. He made that poor girl testify in court to everything that he did to her. In the end, he got sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Then she proceeded to tell me that two of her girlfriends were molested when they were children.

I'm sitting there listening to her talk and talk and talk. Barely making eye contact. I just felt numb. I had no intention of telling her that my father sexually abused me or that my brother-in-law sexually assaulted me 3 years ago.

I don't like the way that I feel now. I feel shaky and I want to cry. I didn't think I'd have a meltdown but now I'm not so sure.

 

[intothelight]

(((Heather))),

It is really hard to hear about someone else's trauma, especially when it strikes too close to what we have experienced. It stirs it all up. Cry if you need to.

Deb

 

[Heather]

I don't want to cry. I don't want to deal with it at all.:( I'm tired of this sh*t.

 

[jokuzzi]

I agree. It's very hard to hear of traumas similiar to your own. But sometimes I think people sense that you've "been there" and are looking for common ground to gain their footing. Share if you can, hug if you can't, cry when you need to.

 

[Reclusive]

It's okay to cry and let it out. I have trouble reading about and hearing about traumas that are different from my own. Reading what you wrote about that little girl makes me teary-eyed. There's just so much wrong in this world and you don't have to pretend it's not wrong. I don't know, somehow I'm glad I get upset because I don't want to stop caring.....

 

[jokuzzi]

It's okay to cry and let it out. I have trouble reading about and hearing about traumas that are different from my own. Reading what you wrote about that little girl makes me teary-eyed. There's just so much wrong in this world and you don't have to pretend it's not wrong. I don't know, somehow I'm glad I get upset because I don't want to stop caring.....

You're absolutely right Reclusive. I rather feel bad or sad than feel nothing at all either. Believe me, reading things such as this break my heart. It's sometimes even harder when you've suffered a similiar situation.

 

[karissa]

If I am ever around people talking about their trauma or abuse, I ask them to please stop and that I don't like to talk about that stuff outside of therapy. It's happened a few times when I have hung out with people I have met in the hospital and treatment programs.

 

[Heather]

It's happened a few times when I have hung out with people I have met in the hospital and treatment programs.

Treatment programs and hospitals are one thing.....Just curious to know have you ever asked someone that is just an acquaintance? I really wanted to tell her to stop but I didn't want to tell her about my "stuff". I value my privacy A LOT. When I was younger I found myself unloading to pretty much whoever would listen because I wanted someone to fix it but now I know that's not possible, I'm the only one that can do that.

So, I've yet to find a way to tell someone I don't want to hear it, WITHOUT telling them why. Besides it's none of their business when you get right down to it.

 

[ronin47]

Oh, I feel that way all the time. That's the main reason I've yet to start a trauma diary, it's difficult enough for me to just read other people's diaries.

 

[Heather]

it's difficult enough for me to just read other people's diaries.

I'm with you on that one ronin, I only read 1 or 2 other member's diaries and that's it. Can't handle it. I have enuff sh*t in my head already. Why add more to it? Can't deal.

 

[Philippa]

Yeah, I had to stop reading peoples diaries here. I read one persons and it changed me...I actually woke up a different person the next day, I was so distressed. I think I took on that persons stuff empathically, and felt so f*cking angry and could feel so much pain...which I already had enough of myself. It really disturbed me, so I can't let that happen again. I've been through enough without traumatizing myself that way.

 

[blogitout]

I am new here but I saw this thread and felt I could relate..I was told this not wanting to hear others problems comes from the ptsd..I have become one of these people over the years almost laughing at things some would tell me..I suffer everyday and would not share a thing about it..Of course My way did not work ,I ended up being hospitalized and have to talk now...I would feel so guilty not wanting to hear..But I just felt so crappy inside and felt no one could beat the pain I have been through for my life span..
But everyone has there limit..We need to remember this in dealing with others..
Is what I say to myself.