Nam said:
Doing well today. I feel that rereading my memory log didn't cause too much hurt. I'm surprised. I shook a little and had trouble falling asleep (normal for me) and got up and was fine. Now, that's two times that for sure I thought I was going to crack, based on past experience, and I didn't. I hope that's good.
That's great news Nam. I won't lie to you about these things, and whilst you handled rereading those with no problems, if you actively continue to push yourself from this point and get more of your trauma out through memories, then you will have times your going to crack, and go to pieces, but its healthy to do that, not the unhealthy, self destructive type going to pieces.
A person can do trauma therapy themselves with various techniques that I have mentioned here, they just need someone to be there to pick them up when it does get hard, and to motivate them to continue on. This could go on for months, or a year even, but at the end of the time, and the release of every bit of trauma and full memory recovery with no more suppression, life gets much much easier.
I think you already got yourself to a great point Nam mentally, its just that you forgot to rid yourself of the trauma along the way. A big step for you now, but a little step in the overall process you have already done yourself. I think you know you have done well with yourself already, and if you don't, you have. I think you also know that your intentional suppression of your trauma was wrong, but you might just realise that maybe its time to rid yourself off it now.
Remember Nam, there are lots of people who can help you with this. Don't be afraid of your trauma, embrace it and cry, breakdown if need be, but at the end of the day, remembering and getting it all out and documented, or memorized even, is the best way forward, because then you will no longer be scared of your past.
YA, hang in there sweetie... your doing great. I understand that things are tough for you at the moment. Just continue analysing everything that happens, keep your realistic attitude and approach to your fears, and you will come out the other side of this.
Me.... well, I have the flu back again. Here for 24hrs, gone for 24hrs, back again now, worst than before. I feel like shit! PTSD wise, all good... though I am a little distressed at present, because I am sick, bub is sick, kerrie-ann had a cat jump on her tummy this morning and has made her distressed, so bub has been checked out and is still sitting in the womb all happy and content, though kerrie is a little sore where the cat jumped her.
An interesting past 24hrs to say the least for me... see what the next 24hrs brings me!!!