I think that is the problem with PTSD and counselling, in that we know what we want to say, we know we need to say it, but when we hit a counsellor, a barrier comes up between us and them. Why? For me, I allowed the barrier to drop a little, but never to the point of discussing the same point with one of my mates who was either their in location at the time, or another with PTSD. I think it has something to do with PTSD itself actually, because this is not uncommon to hear from just about everyone with PTSD, in that they hold onto secrets their entire lives, whilst counselled or not, but will divulge them to someone else with PTSD very quickly. I believe it has something to do with the immediate report a sufferer has with another sufferer of PTSD. We all feel the same things, we all experience the same symptoms, and our lives will often replicate one anothers during each phase of symptoms, regardless of the materialistic points of our unique lives, our paths are often similar in sentence form, thus what we say to each other is near immediately reflected in knowing from experience, and not just sympathy or support.
A big difference in many of those terms...
Nam... you really shouldn't relate yourself to worthless at anytime, feelings or not. Your certainly not worthless, as each and ever person upon this planet has some purpose, some scope, ambitions, dreams, hope and aspirations... all which depict everything but worthless. If you feel this, then maybe you need to be highlighting all the positive attributes that you bring to each day, by doing so will show you a completely different story when written down. Worthless depicts that everyday life would just go on, with or without you, leaving no pain or suffering to anybody left behind. I don't think that is the case with you Nam, as you have loved one's, you have support, you have people that care for you, and people that rely upon you each day... so that automatically says, your worth something to all those around you. Find the positives, because for every negative, there is always a positive that far surpasses it.
YA... you most likely hit the nail on the head, and posted the problem without knowing it. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Reconstructive surgery in less than a month! Still seems like a long time, but when PTSD is still as uncontrolled as yours is, as your only in the early stages of learning, but doing a great job so far, you will generally be anxious, moody, angry, irritable, depressed, etc etc etc, all because of a significant event that is coming possibly months away. You might not think your thinking about it, but I can tell you now, your brain is processing it in the back and this is what's causing all your slow, bad and depressing days at present. You need to recognise this, and you need to control how your brain processes these things. As you get better, you will find your moods will only begin to change a day or two before a significant event, and no longer months or weeks before, but you can learn to control this. You need to isolate the event, you basically need to give yourself thinking time about the event, so instead of trying to dismiss that it is coming, and telling yourself not to worry about it yet, all of which is causing the grief to begin with, you need to face it head on. You need to make some time each day, or several times per day, when you cognitively process the event, what will happen, repercussions, significance, etc etc, even talk with your partner about just one small portion each day, and the leave it alone until the next day. Even make a time on a calender each day when you can think about it.
This sounds silly, but its actually doing something that may not jump out at you. Its teaching you to allocate cognitive thinking time to events, instead of constant processing as your brain is currently doing. It teaches your brain to have a turn on point, being the time allocated tomorrow, to begin thinking about the event again. It is basically training your brain when to think about events, and when not too. It takes time to get a grip off, but it works in conjunction with all other PTSD education. It all comes together in a nice tight package in the end.
