What Is So Great About Sobriety?

[BloomInWinter]

Doc, No trust fund could undue the damage to his daughter that your suicide would do.

...she needs you in this world. Drinking is one way to cope...but it's not building good things in your life today that may bring you and your loved ones joy, healing, and peace tomorrow.

Fantasies of heroic suicides are a normal coping strategy for those of us with compassion fatigue & PTSD. It's a type of rumination that is our brain trying to heal traumas by replaying them, only with a just outcome we didn't have. But those are not healing the traumas enough to bring us healing....just a way of getting through the day.

Of course you know there are far too many people accidently killed by others while they are 'under the influence' - and these are otherwise wonderful people who handled their feelings by drinking, making a bad choice in the drunken haze....and making a mistake that they have to live with the rest of their lives.

I know that is one reason I never want to start drinking again...spending days in blackouts doing God knows what...ugh. Never want to go back there.

Your drinking does affect people, whether or not you see it. You matter to people. You are not invisible, nor is your pain and trauma. There are people who notice and probably wish they could help you. Your daughter would be collateral damage in that. How would it be for her in her life if everywhere she went, the story of your fantastic suicide kept cropping up in social media, the news....made for tv movies?

She'd be as traumatized as you are now.

Your responses and feelings are normal. The drinking and drugging, though....not likely to be helpful in the long run. ...speaking as one who has been there. It's trading off the small joys of today for avoidance of the pains of yesterday. What does that mean for your tomorrows?

Hang in there.

 

[Ted Moen]

There are some people alive only because it is illegal to kill them. I will be taking as many of them out with me as possible (with out collateral damage). The top of my list is the killer of my ex and our unborn baby. There are a long list of rapists and child molesters that follow. I try to do a little good in everything I do, even if if involves extermination and suiicide :)

Boy Doc, every now and then someone says something that reminds me of how far I've come. In the early eighties I wrote a book (unpublished) in which I killed off my parents (each in an appropriate way) and set up a trial in which a large number of deserving individuals were involved and ended it by blowing up the courthouse with all of us in it. At that time that was the most productive end to my life I could imagine. I didn't act on that set of intrusive thoughts and feelings, and that is a good thing for me. Next month my first great-grandchild will be born and the anticipation of helping her and her mom (my grandchild) with the challenges life will throw at them fills me with joy and a positive energy I would have never known had I continued letting my ptsd symptoms dictate my behavior in my current situation.

Self-medicating is allowing your ptsd symptoms to dictate your behavior in your current situation.

Isolation too.

Anyway, thank's for the refresher :rolleyes:

Ted

 

[doglover]

Suicide is never the answer. You might think it will help your daughter and your family but it won't.

I understand being a functional addict, but there are other ways to cope. For one thing, you could get treatment that helps you manage those symptoms - and it could even be cheaper than all the booze and illicit substances.

You can make changes toward health. You can find your way through the storm of feelings about enemies and wrongdoers, to come to a place where you can sleep better at night not allowing their choices to continually bring you down.

I have not had your experiences, so I may not be able to relate perfectly. But I know pain. I know violation, on multiple levels. I know boundary crossing and injustice and a broken system to address those things.

Maybe you could look at how you are viewing things, how much additional pain it gives you, and how you might be able to look at those things differently so they don't add to your pain so much?

I don't have my life together nearly as much as I sound here. I'm struggling too, many moments. I get it, it's really hard sometimes. I envy your financial stability - I'm not good with money as it was tied to my abuse. I hope you can reach a point where you want to enjoy the gifts and blessings of this life, with your natural brain chemistry, and find some peace.

 

[Srain]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Peace,
Rain

 

[Lionheart]

I wanted to answer the question, what is so good about sobriety? The first thing I think of is control...sobriety gives me control over myself and my life that I didn't have when I was using/drinking. Back when I was a drunk, I would process the abuse trauma, but my mind was not sufficiently able to record it, so the next day, I was back where I started and still had the trauma to process.

So I guess the answer, for me, is that sobriety allows me to process the trauma and move on with my life, so that I am not stuck in the past anymore.

 

[Doc]

"Doc, No trust fund could undue the damage to his daughter that your suicide would do." So true, however, in my experience as a homocide detective, I feel I would have no problem not leaving a trail that would indicate my weakness. I think I am in control but, don't all addicts? After the Judas Priest concert last night, I party with a rockstar friend and his girlfriend and and mf gf until the bars closed then until the Casinos closes. We left up 65 and 75 % from the blackjack tables. We kept the party going all night playing 5 poker tourneys. We party liked rockstars until noon today. It was so fun I didn't think about any of my problems. Sleeping from 1 to 7 wasn't a problem because I take care of the mother of my child very well and she has a maid and gardeners. Everything seems so good when I am high. I woke for Heinekins and Xanix to keep the pain away. I am not sure of the drugs are helping or hurting me. With out them I don't go out and ding anything. I stay in and stress out. With them I get a break form the pain and can ride my horses, quad, surf, etc. I am so confused. I feel like I do wrong and get rewarded for it. I am not really much of a drinker IMHO. It just helps the drugs work better.

 

[Tinyflame]

If you had a choice Doc, what would you want?

 

[Doc]

I like life through my rosey bloodshot eyes. I am high but, not to the point where I don't still kick ass. I know many people eventually crash and burn. I have crashed 11 motorcycles. On the jobn I have been shot, stabbed, and run over by cars twice. I seem to always just keep on pushing ahead for the better. The drugs dull the pain and proximity to death allows me to take risks that would paralize normal people. I feel different becasue I have spent my sober learns learning form the best. I still do surround myself with the best and brightest I can find. They keep me on the right track no mater what my mental state is. I have good interpersonal intelligence sober or not. I have people that do the things that need to be done so I can pull all nighters. It all has been by my choice. I am responsible for what ever happens. My luck is too good to not to enjoy the streak. If it changes I will.

 

[doglover]

So Doc you are giving us all the reasons why you feel your drug use is okay.

But you wouldn't have started this thread if you felt that totally.

What are the little fears and concerns nagging you about your use of drugs/alcohol that underlie the starting of this thread? What led to writing it from that side of things? Why are you worried enough about your substance habits to start a thread to justify them?

 

[Srain]

hmmmm

My luck is too good to not to enjoy the streak. If it changes I will.

...how do you come back from the dead?

 

[Doc]

They put paddles that shock you on you to restart your heart. With out that you stay dead. If a doctor tells you something it must be true (said with a lil sarcasm)
I am worried. People die from self medication. Michael Jackson, Elvis, etc. I push things. I don't want to be jerk like Charlie Scheen.

 

[Srain]

Yes, they die.

As you might have read, I almost died due to an accident of meds, this was NOT self-medication,oddly, it was Migraine "Maxalt" with my sleep meds. Funny thing is I ended up on a respirator in 2009...my husband thought I was going to die and I would have, I had stopped breathing.

I had not taken pain meds or drank but just that I had taken the "Maxalt" too close to the dose prior. However, the neuro doc said I could! I was deemed a self OD...only they thought it was due to the sleep meds NOT the Maxalt- Migraine meds! Those knock your blood pressure down asap.

So my point being, yes, you can die, yes, you might die, yes, you know this, and yes, all that self-medicating destroys organs and at the very least weakens them.

My point for the story....pay attention..if you are worrying you should be....

I worried about all the people that all of sudden were dying of lung cancer...I LOVED smoking, never intended to quit in my life...kept watching the news..started worrying about it, thinking about...after 33yrs I quit...that was 6yrs ago, I was in New Orleans on my 4th day nicotin free when Katrina was on her way in the Gulf...weird how things work