Relationship We Meet Again, Combat Ptsd.

[princessx]

After being apart for almost five months, the ex boyfriend and I are attempting to be together again. He says he realizes now what a mistake he made in leaving me and that be truly believes I'm the love of his life. Well thanks mister, I knew you were the love of my life the day I met you. None of your so called imperfections ever made me love you less and I gave you my everything. You absolutely tore me apart. A part of me almost feels like I have PTSD now from him leaving me. I was completely devastated as the breakup came from nowhere. We were reaching our year and a half mark and there really was nothing wrong in our reationship. He just decided one day that he didn't want me anymore and bye bye. Now the truth comes out and now he says he left because he feels I deserve better. He feels I deserve someone who is completely there emotionally and mentally. Too bad he can't decide who I love or want in my life, that's my decision. As much pain as he put me through, I still love him so much. I still want to be his and I still want to have a future with him.

Now the hard part. In a normal let's get back with my ex situation, the ex would prove himself and fight for me. He would have no problem expressing himself and throwing himself out there for me to trust again. This isn't the normal situation. My marine is a veteran with combat PTSD, regular rules no longer exist. I want him to fight for me, I want him to sweep me off my feet. What I want is something I kind of need to let go because normal expectations do not apply. He is stressed about work, school, and his health because he currently has a hernia from excessive lifting. Alongside trying to get me back is probably an extra stressor. Last night he had a tantrum and just said he can't be perfect and do what I want but he actually acknowledged and took responsibility for his lack of actions. He even wiped my tears whereas in the past he would tell me to man up. As I woke up this morning, I realized the little things mean the world to me and maybe I'm not getting what I really want and he's not being a hopeless romantic; but he's giving me all he can give me in this point in time. He's wiping my tears and hugging me tight. Instead of pushing me away last night, he hugged me so tight and told me he loves me. As much as I want him to realize how much I still hurt, I don't want him to feel more pain. He's already dealing with enough. As much as I want him to make up for leaving me close to my birthday and not being there the past 5 months, just a simple text where he called me baby today sufficed. As much as I want him to fight for me, maybe him just being back and admitting he made a mistake will have to be enough.

Sorry for this ramble, rant, and off the wall post. I just needed to get it all out. (:

 

[Johna]

I admire your strength and dedication to your Marine my son wasnt so lucky in his marriage some people find it easier for "them" to just walk/throw it away & you werent selfish you will be rewarded in more ways than one because you have kindness,compassion and dedication its people like you who celebrate their 50th wedding anniversays.

God Bless you both

<It is not necessary to quote the post directly above your reply Johna. Thanks Amethist>

 

[wife of]

I think you are "getting it", don't look to the big picture,the details of small things are the big things with these guys.x

 

[princessx]

Thank you ladies! (: It's responses like this that make me smile and reassure me that maybe things will be alright in the end.

 

[MsPositive40]

Wow I read your post princessx and that sounds exacly what i am going through now. My boyfriend of almost 8 months broke up with me about a week and a half ago, and i love him so much, he tells me I desrve someone that can love me and give me everything i deserve, Im so crushed I did not know what to do so I decided to write him a letter that pretty much said everything you wrote on your post, and I mailed it out today! I pray that when he recieves it he will understand that I fell in love with Him just the way he is! I new from the very beging he had PTSD and I still fell in love with him, he is the sunshine of my life and I always told him that! Sorry for going on and on but i need to get this out of chest!
Thanks:)

 

[princessx]

I wish you the best of luck, keep me updated on your situation! My vet told me he was in love with me and that I was the girl of his dreams while he was ignoring me and leaving me. Unfortunately, it took him almost 5 months and another woman to basically use him for him to realize what he had lost. I hope things do not get that far with your man and that he's not as stubborn as mine.

 

[LoyalOne]

normal expectations do not apply.

True. Print that out and put it on your bathroom mirror.

And squeeze him tight when he lets you. ♥

 

[May1321]

princessx...

All I can say... and I apologize for the bitter as I have reached an end to my rope with the one that walked away and came back... No... normal rules do not apply and you have to be wary of expectations but DO NOT sell yourself short.

They TOO can make efforts. Small efforts are great... but actions speak louder than words.

Whereas my sufferer suffers a great deal and we work through that... he has also gotten 'comfortable' because I've made it so easy for him to just only work to the level of the "xoxoxo" "your pretty" texts. His efforts are childish and selfish.

I don't ask for much and I'm sure you don't either... but validation can be given no matter how sick or stressed one is. Actions speak louder than words. Keep striving for better even within your relationship. Don't let your heart become a bitter tomb where you keep your mouth shut so you don't make things worse. Don't allow him to get you back without some effort.

I know it is hard because you LOVE him. Trust me... I love my sufferer SOOOO much... but I love myself more and he recently after a six month, what I thought was a try again, crossed a big line... or maybe just triggered what I had stowed away because my feelings (literally, a few minor things) weren't being validated - ie. RESPECTED - And now I just want him to go away.

I hope for your heart... you don't lose yourself just for the sake of your love for your Marine.

Take care of you.

 

[LoyalOne]

But Marines are so perversely lovable. Despite their own best efforts.

 

[MsPositive40]

I wish you the best of luck, keep me updated on your situation! My vet told me he was in love with me and that I was the girl of his dreams while he was ignoring me and leaving me. Unfortunately, it took him almost 5 months and another woman to basically use him for him to realize what he had lost. I hope things do not get that far with your man and that he's not as stubborn as mine.

Thank you so much, I will definetly keep you updated on my situation. Im so glad I found this Forum now I feel like im not alone. My family and friends would never understand why I dont just let it go. Oh and my Vet is very stubborn but he is very lovable at the same time! Ayyyy I love that man so much :D

 

[Cyndi S]

Stubborn, It should be a patch that the War Dept puts on the uniform because I've yet to meet a Military man that wasn't. Although I'd say we may be more stubborn then they. Even when their like "give up on me you deserve someone better" we are like "NO I WILL NOT! I. LOVE.YOU!" Congrats to you for being stubborn enough to not give up.

True. Print that out and put it on your bathroom mirror.

I'd put on post it note all over the house if I thought my significant other wouldn't think that I'd finally lost my mind lol

 

[May1321]

I'd put on post it note all over the house

Lol! I had these inspirational notes all over my house when I started dating my sufferer. He must've thought I was crazy before hand. :D

I had a girlfriend tell me this weekend that "giving up" is such a terrible way to look at things and negative thing to say.

It's true... for me saying I've had enough and deserve better isn't really about "giving up" but about demanding a little more respect... if not for me, at least have it for yourself. That is the hardest part about caring for someone and please be careful about how often you say, "That's all he can give and I'm willing to accept that" because it is a spiraling path if you don't stand up for yourself for some of the things that are important to you. Co-dependency isn't something we choose but something we get sucked into.

Please take care of yourselves. I say that out of love... for the carer and for the sufferer.