How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[Sandra]

Also from the same book.
If a person genuinely wants to resolve the conflict with you a fair and caring way they will:

Talk openly about the conflict with you.

Find out about your feelings and concerns.

Find out why you are resisting what they want.

Accept responsibility for their part of the conflict.

Like my late husband would have taken this approach, not a chance. As in his eyes he was the most perfect man who walked on this earth and I was the one with all of HIS problems. He never listened to anything I had to say unless it suited only HIS needs. But that isn't an uncommon behaviour of an addict. Since most addicts are very selfish people. When everyone had enough of his heavy drinking look what happened when he couldn't have his way. He ended his life.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Sandra,

I am so sorry. I don't have any words, so I will simply send you warm thoughts. And hugs.

J

 

[Sandra]

Hugs to you too.

And that's the sad part when they won't listen when it's for their own good.

 

[Sandra]

When I bought this book I thought it was going to pertain more to my bad childhood but in turn it points more towards my lousy marriage. But that isn't a bad thing as I am learning a lot from what I have read so far in this book. It sure has been an eye opener so far.

 

[Sandra]

From the same book.

If someone's goal is to win, he or she will:

Try to control you

Ignore your protests

Insist that his or her character and motives are superior to yours.

Avoid taking responsibility for the problems between you.

 

[Sandra]

how to deal with these emotional vampires?

That is the key issue Revelry is one usually doesn't know how to deal with and handle the situation.

 

[Abrasky]

My psychologist said my mother was an emotional blackmailer. It's not the usual sort though. Most people do something and they get emotionally blackmailed. My dad would do something and I would get emotionally blackmailed. She chucked me out at home at 9 because my dad was being violent. SHe withrew her love completely from me until he gave up being as violent. That was a whole year:(. When I made friends, my dad would be violent with my mum, and then my mum would emotionally blackmail me by withdrawing her love and removing me from social situations (like a choir). WHen I was 19 my dad found out I had a lot of friends was violent ( life threateningly)and then my mum emotionally blackmailed me by chucking me out of home emotionally and telling me I didn't belong their anymore and withrawing her love. Every time she emotionally blackmailed me it dug in like a knife, bringing me closer to losing touch with any desire to be close to people. Emotional blackmail felt like more of a shock than the violence. It's especially bad if they build you up to knock you down.(my mum gave me love sometimes).
I'm not sure why my mum thought punishing me would bring my dad into line:O_o:. lol. She still does that, except replace dad with other people. It is why I don't talk to her anymore.

Sorry sandra for your husband:(. Both his passing and his abuse.

 

[Abrasky]

gosh that book sounds just like my mother:O_o:

 

[windwoman]

Been there, done that - have the T shirt, sweatshirt and the coffee mug. I believe my first husband's picture is next to all of the above as the poster boy for emotional blackmail.

 

[Eleanor]

how to deal with these emotional vampires??? (and especially when its family)

Like Dr. Phil says, "Love them at a great distance."?

 

[Eleanor]

And that's the sad part when they won't listen when it's for their own good.

Louis Armstrong says, "There's just some people that, if they don't know, you can't tell them."

 

[Sandra]

Many times too Eleanor it's also denial.