How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[soulofLC]

Big price to pay Sandra, but it sounds like you have radical acceptance of it. I am still dealing with the financial fallout of my divorce, but I have to do the bankrupt route. There is no other way. I can't find work, and even if I did find it at this point, I don't think I could perform more than menial tasks, which would not even support me (I am on SSI and appealing SSDI rejection, due to time I followed his career!!!! GRRRRR...). I have his debt that he convinced me to put in my name, and now I am stuck. He also spent my retirement money when I wasn't looking. I was a teacher in higher ed; I struggle to organize my bills now!!!! Yikes! It is a daily dance, but somehow, through seeking help, I am slowly getting better. One step at a time...

 

[simplekindofgirl]

A big hug to the both of you. Really, you are both amazing. Keep moving forward.

 

[Sandra]

I know all about that being stuck with his debts. Luckily I was able to get my 30 years in and took the early retirement when I was 49 due to my ill health. And yes I know all about losing the retirement savings, let's not even go there. When I have needed things at times I have had to add extra to my mortgage to get them done. I'm just glad I didn't have to go on the long term disability as the insurance companies are such jerks to deal with. I didn't need that headache.

 

[Sandra]

Big hugs for you too Simplekindofgirl. Keep you head up sweetie, you can do it.

 

[soulofLC]

I'm just glad I didn't have to go on the long term disability as the insurance companies are such jerks to deal with. I didn't need that headache.

Yep, I am finding that out. In fact, I need to resolve my problems with mine. By tomorrow! Ok, back in body now. Must leave in a few...hate to leave such good company!

 

[Sandra]

Hugs for you SoulofLC. I hope you have a good day. :)

 

[Sandra]

there is no chance of them changing.

Or I should say little or no chance of them changing. Which is usually how it is.

 

[soulofLC]

Thank you Sandra. Hugs to you back. It will be much better now.:)

 

[ms spock]

Does she really NOT realize she is doing it???

When they really don't know that they are doing it. Then they stop when someone points it out to them.

It is like a racist or sexist joke - if someone protests then they stop immediately. If they continue they have an agenda of racism or sexism.

IMHO people mostly know what they are doing.

 

[ms spock]

Or I should say little or no chance of them changing. Which is usually how it is.

You have no control over their behaviour, but you do have control over your behaviour. There is a wonderful book called "Don't Shoot the Dog!" by Karen Pryor - it is about animal training in positive reinforcement but works equally with humans as well I have found.

They did a study of women using the techniques in the U.K and the research found that women who used those techniques had better outcomes than those that didn't. So in a nutshell you reinforce and notice good behaviours.

ms spock

 

[Sandra]

I wouldn't doubt that Ms. Spock.
And yes it's up to them to want to change.

 

[ms spock]

That is the key SoulofLC. We were blackmailed into thinking we were worthless and as children and we believed them. Now we tend to think that when we were treated in this manner that we must settle for second best.

And we, unfortunately, teach people to treat us badly without even realising it. Our expectations on how to be treated either don't exist or are very poor and lead to disappointing outcomes.