Anger Attacks?

[Maxwell]

I'm certainly no stranger to panic attacks. However, I've noticed something similar yet different in the last few months. I seem to have the same symptoms of the panic attacks except that, instead of feelings of fear, impending doom, etc., I have feelings of anger, rage, and (I hate to say this) revenge. I feel like a different person (dissociation), my heart races, and I feel anxious (my stomach is clenched, for example). These moments last an average of 10-20 minutes. They've occasionally gone on for hours. Might this also count as a "panic attack"? Does anyone have a similar experience?

 

[Pearl Black Eyes]

I've experienced rage attacks before. Mine would get so bad that after kicking and throwing whatever what was near me I'd fall to the ground and just writhe with venom coursing through my veins and dig my nails into the carpet to keep from ripping myself apart. I've nearly used a hammer on myself, not once but twice during these attacks. The hammer was part of the revenge. It was like the person who abandoned me wasn't there, so I'd use it on myself instead. They'd hafta pay a hefty guilt tax.

These started happening shortly after I went off Zoloft. I suffered prolonged withdrawals for nearly a year and these "rage attacks" were part of them. I found out that my adrenals were exhausted and fits of rage can be a symptom of overtaxed adrenals so I started working on building them back up through nutrition, supplements and adopting healthy habits. The rage attacks seemed to have die down considerably. When I get angry now I no longer turn into The Incredible Hulk.

 

[Hashi]

Peter Levine has written about the fight, flight or freeze response and how "as they go in, so they come out". If you were in fight mode during trauma then had to freeze for survival, that fight response is held in your cells waiting to emerge when you come out of freeze. He says, "The impulse to attack in frantic rage, or to attempt a frantic escape, is biologically appropriate. When captured prey come out of immobility, their survival may depend on violent aggression if the predator is still present."

Unfortunately, because we curb our animal instinct to discharge fight/anger energy when we unfreeze, we're still holding it in and it will try to emerge - then we express it or manage to suppress it again. (Same if it's flight/fear energy.)

I once experienced literal murderous rage when someone in the street tried to grope me. I went insane with anger and didn't know what I was doing other than feeling an all-consuming drive to kill him. Luckily he managed to run away, because I'm certain I would actually have done it otherwise. I was literally out of my mind and had that intense adrenaline-fired strength that comes in emergencies.

I understand now it was because of past trauma, and the description of the unfreezing fight response is exactly what was happening. At the time I had no idea about that. By normal standards, my response was completely out of proportion and it scares me how easily I could have been convicted of murder. At the same time, I have to say it was the purest emotion I've ever felt.

Now I still have bouts of rage and violence, and they're bad but they're controllable. That's good in the sense that I hopefully won't end up in jail, but I'm aware of how I'm still suppressing it so it isn't going away.

 

[ericaboo]

When triggered, I have hurt myself, others and property over the years, but I have been learning how to desensitize myself to things people say/do, how to find outlets that don't cause so many consequences, and how to calm down quicker.

I'm still so disappointed in myself that I haven't been able to conquer this behavior completely. Each time I fly into a rage, I feel like all my efforts have been for nothing...

 

[evergreen]

Yes I have this happen! Thanks everyone who responded and for your advice to the OP.

 

[Anna]

Yes. It feels like a boiling rage. If I didn't maintain control, I would lash out, normalyl against myself. Banged my head against the wall, almost broke my hand punching the wall, pinch bite and scratch myself, or pull chunks of my hair out.

I now can control my emotions. I don't ever want to get like that, it is horrific. Most of the time now I am completly calm the joy of emotional numbing. Is better though to remain calm. Just sometimes people push your buttons.

My last trigger was my partner calling me crazy. I felt the anger rising in me. A burning pain in my throat and hatred. Was pretty scary that. We spoke and he promised never to do it again. I hope so, it really sucks when people do that, especially when you are having a normal argument e.g over housework etc.... and then they just try and hurt you by saying shit like "You are crazy" and throwing all kinds of psychological crap at you... bah

Then you freak out and they keep on going

"See look at you, you are crazy" adding fuel to the fire....

Hope it never happens again. The worst part is, if someone has done it you end up feeling like that they deliberatly want to f*ck with your head.

 

[ericaboo]

I actually had a therapist tell me this was normal. Glad I'm seeing someone else now...

 

[Philippa]

The last time I really lost it, was in a car with my mother who was making me crazy, yelling at me, provoking me to attack back, threatening to put me back on the plane and send me home (which I actually wouldn't have minded, and told her so at the time), but I wouldn't...and then when I finally did crack it with her, she pulled the old "Have you taken your meds...look at you." crap on me and then told my brothers she can't be bothered with me...all because I refused to let her use me as her personal counselling service, and placed boundaries up.

I slept at the airport that night. I could not stand to be in the same house as her.

People like that really shit me. THEY are the ones acting crazy and they push your buttons trying to make you the same. It's very challenging not to give into it...and if you do, you're immediately the crazy one, without any sort of mercy or compassion. And they will NEVER take any responsability for their part to play in it.

 

[Beverly G.]

I have had this rage attack once. It was directed at a totally inocsent person. I almost ended up in jail but thankfully I was diagnosed with epilepisy that year and the neuroligist said I was having a seizure. He was way wrong but it kept me out of trouble.

 

[evergreen]

I bet that rage that we get was rage we had that we stored during the trauma. Or rage that this happened to us.

I remember the first time I really raged. I was in third grade. I decided to just let it all out, and I trashed my bedroom. I felt really powerful.

Sometimes I wonder if when I rage, it is for feeling of control also.

IDK, but it is annoying and embarrassing and destructive.

 

[Beverly G.]

Evergreen, I always feel out of control and that feeling is terrifying. I throw up to regain control but all I am really doing is harming myself.

 

[ericaboo]

I do feel like certain people deliberately set me off - but it's critical to take 100% responsibility for my own actions/ reactions.

I can't control what others do, and can't make excuses for what I do.

The best I can do is to stay away from people who set me off - it's up to me to do whatever it takes to prevent my unacceptable behaviors.