What Do I Do When There Is No Safe Help?

[goingonhope]

What do I do when I've reached my limits and I'm not able help myself? Especially since me not being able to locate and find safe and/or lasting help in my life, and the helplessness of all of that, was very, horribly traumatic and may as well be included as part of my traumas?

Does anyone have ideas for lists of How's, Do's and Do not's for escaping and or surviving psychological (sometimes fatal) destructive patterns games and torment from another?

Or, even Where's, ......as in where does one call, plead with them to not turn me away, and how do I push past the feelings of shame and failure when confronting such a situation.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think there are things you can do. But I don't know the nature of the psychological abuse that you're going through. Would you feel safe to expand on your situation a bit? If not, I understand.

I feel psychologically bullied from people wanting to ostricise and silence me.

To stop it happening, Ive had to walk away from everyone I know. I'm not a weak person and I get angry that their bullying is working for them, because I'm giving into it.

But I don't know whether it would stay at psychological bullying, or whether it has the potential to become physically dangerous. Its the not knowing that is torturous.

But I remind myself of my priorities, and the things that make me the stronger person.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think Hope the one thing no one can take is what you choose to believe in your mind and heart and soul.

I think the first thing is to get physically safe, depending on the issue perhaps a woman's shelter.
The second concurrent thing is radical self-care, eating, sleeping etc.
Also get away to places of peace, a park or some place safe to think. Work on stabalizing yourself.
Then to call, tell someone, ask for support. Al Anon or whatever may apply, a church, a Hotline, a domestic violence shelter, here on the forum, a friend.

Hugs Hope, (((((Hope, xox))))

 

[712xx]

I had to do the same as Meadowsweet ... cut everyone out of my life, because they were not good for me. Some people might think that this is an overreaction -- but those people don't understand the nature of ptsd & how our bodies overreact physiologically & can't change how we feel inside in the moment. It is very hard to suppress physical reactions, which affects our behavior. The only way I was able to learn how to keep my outside behavior from matching my internal reactions was to practice during calmer periods and educating myself on the biology & chemistry that drives my inner turmoil.

Understanding your body more will help you control your behaviors during the extreme phases of our condition. A lot of people think isolation is bad for you -- but temporary isolation, at least for me, is essential for everyday functional existence. I have to have time alone everyday to recharge. My social energy is limited, and must spend it efficiently or else I run out -- it seems my back-up alternative fuel is anger & paranoia.

In order to function, I've cut out extrainous socializing so I can use my energy for work & school. I no longer even speak with former family & friends (if they were even my friends to begin with -- but that could be my paranoia talking). I don't know if this is an option for you, but you asked what do we do when things are bad -- isolation, music, posting on forums to maybe give helpful advice on topics I'm familar with (helping others to help myself through the moment), writing out my frustrations & burning the paper, laying still in bed with fluffy clean covers (the fan on low if it is a warm day), trying to clear my mind by doing nothing except breathing & Wracking my brain for any comforting thought I can possibly come up with -- sometimes I have to think of what I would tell someone else in my situation.

Hope you find your zen place soon.
--{@

<Edited to remove full post quote, as members name is mentioned in reply.>

 

[goingonhope]

Speaking openly here, I am very afraid to respond. In fact I am presently afraid to even be upon the forum, considering I managed to open up and pull out such difficult words to something that's been and unexpectedly reoccurs still too intense and as immensely difficult here at home.

If there is a right or wrong way for me to discuss, or a time limit imposed (as my mind wishes me to believe - :(..:tdown: ) then I'm gonna fail.

So I'm apoligizing in advance as I truly mean no harm nor inconvenience. :(

I am making sense of what has been commented, but I've got to push past my fear to go further, perhaps steady in small bits.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hope there's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just the feeling. :(
(((((((((Hope)))))))

 

[Meadowsweet]

(((goingonhope)))) theres no time limit or pressure to talk about anything.

 

[goingonhope]

I wanna delete what I wrote and just make this go away. It seems that anything I might further comment is bad and wrong to do so. :unsure:..:cautious:..:(

 

[goingonhope]

I pushed myself. I posted something(s) here. I deleted these.

I think I wrote my last post confusing, backwards and upside down. :notworthy:

 

[goingonhope]

I just want to add that what I mean by sometimes fatal is that someone that freely inherits the title carer, (simply through relationship to) should not consistently disregard, deny, mistreat, abuse and threaten 'their sufferers' -(LOL) :roflmao:..:cautious:..:cry:, psychologically and emotionally when doing remarkably well, as well as when, grieving and badly suffering, and additionally while still breathing and supporting you and loved ones as well.

It's neither good nor safe for anyone. But of course, that just might be the goal. :O_o:

 

[bethinhfx]

@goingonhope: For me, I had to start taking myself very seriously. To live or to die. To get my needs met or to be another casualty on the highway of broken souls. Its that simple. When noone is around I pray. I have a lot of faith and that helps. I also have team of professionals that I rounded up for when I go into a crisis. Have faith but we have to believe that we are worth it; that our story matters because it does, and at the very least we need to be able to process it in a safe environment with people who respect and care about us. I left everyone I knew. I had to. Sometimes, we need to travel this highway alone but god is always with us. Peace!

 

[goingonhope]

I think I feel the need and obligation to take family members needs, and that of managing home, too seriously, and mine though important to me, …less seriously. Therefore when you factor in a weeks allowance of time and energies, there isn’t enough to go around.

I am still in my pajamas and missing a party right now and it’s not due to illness, loss of sleep last night, nor not waking early enough. It’s simply that again this morning, I’ve been surrounded and woken from family talking to me as I lay sleeping, while speaking to me of this and that, …everything from needs of pets, to those needs of another’s for their morning shower, ...to that of another’s dreadfulness and anxiety along with what is additionally expected of me. And, all simultaneous.

So I stand up, my morning coffee gets delayed and then when I do sit, out comes unbearable weight (another’s- H's...fears presented as reality, anxieties-numerous, grudges, sabotaging thinking, criticisms, blame, negativity, instruction once again at me and then of course that invitation to argument.)

In the past, out from my auto accident and with both Ptsd and tbi this weight was too heavy and even unbearable to support. I’d be awake to take my responsibility and I’d resultingly miss carrying my own , due to that of other’s needs, wishes and anxieties/irritabilities, being ridiculously so demanding and even quite insensible at times. My attention and efforts were thereafter thanked with then agonizing blame and criticisms and instructions on how I should do this and that right.

I trust that I’ve minimized much here and made this sound perhaps like ’typical family business’, but what I do know is that this can’t possibly be just the way things are for every mom, because if it were, I think they‘d all be either rapidly heading for the morgue at amazing speeds, or there already.

I know rude, crude and disloyal and probably a betrayal to be honest about this here, but isn’t this perhaps so with all telling of whats been traumatic. Unless of course the perp is some stranger scum that randomly selects individuals to overpower and control. Then of course IMHO publicly…………, (Ooops, the list is too long).

Now I will go get out of my pajama's because I am free to find this time to do so, as other's needs have been met and family is now at a party.