What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Philippa]

Ms Spock. I don't like the taste either. I do love cocktails though. They are a very creative way to drink. But I was being a bit melodramatic. I may be having a few cocktails tonight with a friend, but it won't become a habit. I've come way too far to turn back now.

I feel so depleted though. This and the course and all the crap with my brother have just drained my energy. It all happens at once doesn't it...

 

[ms spock]

Some days it does all happen at once Philippa and you have had more than your fair share.

Being depleted is so hard and endlessly feels like it will never end. Even in the event of five minutes passing.

 

[ms spock]

I am better now. I am okay now. I was finding it hard as I made my allegiance to the Flying Spagetti Monster known today in class. (I know this is really silly but it did get to me.) I was laughing about the creationists that made the youtube with the peanut butter jar where the man opens the jar and says because he can't find sentient life in the peanut butter jar - thus there is no evolution - and thus evolution is not real. So I was explaining to the Flying Spagetti Monster to some of the younger people in the group. In my art class there was one other Flying Spagetti Monster adherent. I grew up with my family and other families covering up for sexually abusing nuns and priests.

I also grew up with some of the most awesome nuns who had the best anti Catholic jokes. So I told a few of these and this one old guy got really angry. If he had spoken up earlier I would have ceased immediately what I was saying I am not trying to offend people but that peanut butter one sends in my in to a real fit of the giggles.

So once he said that some people find that offensive I replied calmly that I found that the sexual abuse of children and cover ups by the clergy and the congregation offensive and that he might want to see my comments in the context of a life time of watching this. I immediately stopping telling jokes, stories and so forth. If he had spoken up earlier I would have ceased my commentaries. (Yes I told the jokes the nuns taught me and really they have lead me astray.)

This man was most aggressive. His comments upset some of the other students. It is a free world and he is entitled to his opinions.

The problem for me is that though on the surface I handled it well with diplomacy and diffusion - I went in to a ptsd spin for a bit as he a a bit of a doppelganger for my father in terms of physique. So that was hard for me.

I do believe we mended our bridges by the end of the day. He did the best painting in the class today and I commented on it positively.

Anyway I took it too personally and that was ptsding which was not helpful.

 

[ms spock]

Tension in my neck has been there all day. Still hurting a lot from being attacked by my brother, without an apology the other day. It was horrible.

That is horrible. I totally accept the legal road might not be for you. But I hope you charged the [insert negative epithet here].

 

[ms spock]

Interest in my art teacher, who is gorgeous. feeling like I'm bad:(. I'm being made out to be the bad guy when they are the ones who have all treated me like shit here. I feel broken and broken-hearted.

I hate being made out to be the bad guy. It really sucks.

I, too, have a gorgeous art teacher, who I am secretly a little bit in love with me. I find being a little bit in love and not in a real relationship actually a lot more successful than being in a relationship. [If you are confused and think I am totally a silly billy then you have understood the previous sentence quite well.]

Being broken and broken hearted is a pretty ordinary experience and not much fun. If there is something that you love and it will distract you for a bit (but is not self destructive your self or the universe) then I say some time for some treats are in order.

 

[Philippa]

That is horrible. I totally accept the legal road might not be for you. But I hope you charged the [insert negative epithet here].

haha...no I haven't charged him Ms. Spock, but thank you for the idea :devilish:;). I'm just not speaking to him and accept that I may never get a sincere apology from him. It's not in his character to give them. I don't think verbal abuse is something one can charge someone for, at least not in Australia?

He thinks I attacked him first...which is crap. All I did was disagree with him and offer information to maybe get him to think about the campaign he was supporting. I didn't say he HAD to think like i did, and I didn't intentionally make him out to be a fool, but his ego is that fragile, that he felt attacked and retaliated.

That's the Internet though.

 

[Philippa]

I, too, have a gorgeous art teacher, who I am secretly a little bit in love with me. I find being a little bit in love and not in a real relationship actually a lot more successful than being in a relationship. [If you are confused and think I am totally a silly billy then you have understood the previous sentence quite well.]

Ooooh, isn't it fun...:) I get what you mean here, and I agree. I haven't been in a relationship in years. I'm not even sure I know how to be in one anymore?

Being broken and broken hearted is a pretty ordinary experience and not much fun. If there is something that you love and it will distract you for a bit (but is not self destructive your self or the universe) then I say some time for some treats are in order.

Oh how I wish that would happen...:inlove:

 

[Loloma]

Got out of bed early this morning, the sun is shining and it's a glorious day. Can't shake the extreme tiredness I feel. No energy at all. However I'm sure if I can get myself into a more normal routine of going to bed on time and rising early that slowly I will feel better.

Have to work on my breathing to help my bronchial tubes open up a bit more and let the air in. Looking forward to moving out of here and going back to Australia. Even though I have a tremendous job in front of me.

 

[intothelight]

Nervous about getting everything done that I need to today. There are a lot of important tasks that I have to complete today and several more for this week. Just flat out worried that I can handle it all. Afraid that chemo may be hard and take away even more energy. Uhh....worried about something I haven't started yet. Not a good thinking pattern.

 

[KP the nut]

I feel as if I'll have to spend today in the car.

I feel triggered, when will I be free of the panic I feel at seeing firefighters in full emergency kit and an appliance. It takes me straight back to watching the aftermath of my accident, I know it is not real but it feels real to me.

 

[Loloma]

(((((Deb))))) (((((KP)))))

 

[Jen93]

I'm feeling tired-and this is not one of my better days.