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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I'm not exactly sure, but I've been avoiding this thread for some reason.

I'm feeling a bit numb and totally disociative. Not really wanting to deal with anything or anyone.

There are times when it's just too much work to figure out what my feelings are.
 
Stressed.webp
 
I did extremely well throughout a 24 hr. day Mom sleep over here at home. Managed very well the first 12 hrs. and managed nearly as well the next. :tup:

However, I must say exposure to witness of her abrupt personality change and followed by its UNFREAKIN'BELIEVABLE toxicity. It was intense!

I set myself free.

And, thereafter as I was meditating very stressful circumstances, outside of me and beyond my control erupted and this made for the evaporation of much personal congrat's and confidence and was immediately replaced with stress and exhaustion.

I collapsed on my bed as soon as walking through the door and dozed off into some surreal sleep state.

Was swaying, thrown off balance and weak in the legs when waking 30 min's. later.

But, I can say. I learned amazing amounts about Mom, Foo, myself, life, as well as triggers today.

I feel torn between one part of me and another. The adult and the child me. Present throughout though was the adult me. I like to (really need to) completely supress the child me.

I feel experienced, educated, strong, happy, weak, hopeful, sad, hopeless and courageous. (lol)

And, very, very tired :sleep:
 
It's 1:38 am and as usual i can't sleep. Work in the am, guess it'll be another blur of a day.

Getting divorced sometime in the next few weeks. I feel guilty because of my PTSD and depression are major factors in my behavior and she just doesdn't want to put up with it anymore.

I've poured my emotions out to her and all i got back was a blank stare. She has become numb to her feelings, Like i used to be. I feel that is directly my fault. She used to be so happy and sweet. But not anymore. She was my only support and now she's gone. I don't have any other friends or family to talk to. So i'm hoping that sharing things with you on this forum may be able to help me. I just needed to try something...
 
I feel that I need to collect up all the scattered pieces and focus on getting through today.
I feel fatigue.
I feel some anxiousness.
I feel glad my mister is home with me today.
I feel guilty I haven't spoke to my mom.
I feel sad I didn't get through the split shifts with any energy left over.
I feel confused.
I feel content that I made two good side dishes for supper tonight with my friend.
I feel like I'm a coward because I'm going to pass on the offer of a summertime job with kids... I'm just not ready to be full on and "balls to the wall".
I feel frustrated because I want so much more than my simple life.
 

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