Relationship How Do You Guys Manage?

[Onlyhim]

So, I'm trying really hard to be strong for my sufferer and give him what he needs because I love him so much and also trying to maintain myself. But there are some days, like today when I just woke up and needed my boyfriend. I miss him so much. I see glimpses of him here and there, he's starting to move back to himself but not entirely yet..

Basically, how do you guys manage on a daily basis? On days like today for me, how do you get through? I just want to talk to him and be selfish and not give him the space he needs, I am, but I don't want to. I just miss my boyfriend. :c

 

[Pebbles]

I am asking that same question. It is very hard for me. I am learning the hard way that it is best to give him space. If I pressure him it drives him away and makes him angry. I just hope I haven't completely blown it. Respect his space. :(

 

[amethist]

Giving them space is the only way forward.

There are times when hard as it is you have to put their needs first. Looking after yourself in the best way you can without them. It is not easy, but you have to respect their wishes.

The more you try and contact them, the more they can pull away. Then the next time they want space, they pull further away, because they are waiting for you to contact them, which adds more stress.

So please, to make it easier for them to come back to you, let them be when they ask for it. They will come back quicker and brighter.

 

[Nicolette]

Basically, how do you guys manage on a daily basis? On days like today for me, how do you get through? I just want to talk to him and be selfish and not give him the space he needs, I am, but I don't want to. I just miss my boyfriend. :c

You make perfect sense Onlyhim and your questions are all ones we struggle with.

Some days are like you are living with someone completely normal; others you hurt so much for doing nothing wrong yet get punished by this evil illness.

It is easier to get through if your own life is balanced and you can logically explain to yourself it is the PTSD. Other days, such as with PMT, it is hard to reason without emotion and that can bring us unstuck when they are unwell.

Isolation is due to overload so you have to find somewhere else to get out your emotions in relation to the situation. Amethist has been my savior at times and I have noticed she copes better now she does not have the stress of going to work like when I first met her. So, our stress impacts on them even if we say nothing as does our ability to cope.

Most humans crave and want attention and human comfort - it is hard when you need that and your partner is isolating. As Amethist said the worst thing you can do when they are isolating is push. Sometimes this is okay and other times it feels like you are ripped off, have the short straw, and that they seem to come before you and its difficult to hold back the resentment during this time.

I find keeping myself busy works for the better part; staying away and having someone to vent to even if it means coming here and typing while you bawl your eyes out (our in a diary - anything). After an emotional release females tend to settle more and come back to being more grounded.

Easy stuff to say; sometimes really hard to live.

 

[Eleanor]

Learn how to care for yourself. That's the simple answer. DOING it, that's the hard part like Amethist and Nicolette said. It helps to have a "plan B" before hand. Not that you have to do it, you can if you like, but it helps to know that you always have other options...

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, ptsd (as with most things) is very different to live (or live with) than on paper. :(

I'm sorry it's so difficult.

 

[Onlyhim]

It's like exactly how you guys said. I agree with all of it but it's so hard to live it out.. I'm trying to take it day by day but I keep finding myself waiting for him to call or message.. It's awful.

 

[przmuneca]

My man hasnt went into isolation on me yet thank god i dunno what i will do when he does because we spend everyday and night together...do all ptsd suffers go into isolation?

 

[AzureMind]

PTSD has a way of making even the most sociable of extroverts, become reclusive, and introverted; whatever it was he went through, it was a life changer, because the nature of PTSD changes you at a very deep level; My advice is to care for him from a distance until HE is ready to come close, and more importantly for you, so you don't burn yourself out trying to be his everything, you still have to get your needs met, and live your life for you too. Don't loose yourself in him, because what good would you be for him, or yourself if you couldn't take care of yourself because you burnt yourself out trying to care for him? So lead by example, and care for yourself so that way he'll eventually begin to come around, and confide some things in you, and you can suggest him seeing a therapist, and perhaps medication.

PTSD, is ALOT more different on paper than in real life, and it takes ALOT of patience to manage it, and live with it if you are a sufferer, or the lover of a sufferer...sometimes, I think it's harder on the spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends, of sufferers because they see their lover going through something they can't at times wrap their heads around, or protect them from and yet, when you guys love us, and it's so obviously true, but we feel HORRIBLE for not being able to reciprocate even though we want to love you so deeply that you NEVER question our feelings for you, but we resolve since we are sick, and we cannot love you like we're capable of doing, we should stay away, unless we risk causing further harm to our loved ones; that's what I do when I withdraw/retreat, I just don't wanna hurt the people I love.

 

[fairywings]

My man hasnt went into isolation on me yet thank god i dunno what i will do when he does because we spend everyday and night together...do all ptsd suffers go into isolation?

I do. I'm a sufferer. It feels like nothing else will save my life. When I isolate I'm saving my own life. I haven't yet met anyone who wants to deal with it. I really do understand why they feel that way.

I haven't had a partner yet that can handle it. But, I still have hope.:)

 

[Nicolette]

I think a lot depends upon the type of isolation - isolation whilst still being in the same household versus isolation and not even being present is harder IMHO.

 

[przmuneca]

yea we live together so if he isolates in the home ill be fine but if he just dissapears for days or weeks ill freak :cry: