General Managing The Household..

[Inthistogether]

Just looking to start a discussion about managing a household while supporting someone with PTSD. I find this to be a struggle, in part because I am so much more motivated to clean house and be productive when I have someone willing and able to work alongside me.

Please share what works for you, and what hasn't. I will be back to post more, I'm in the midst of digging myself out from a huge pile of neglected housework today. Thanks in advance!

-sheri

 

[Inthistogether]

Got a lot done yesterday and things are looking up. Even got praise for it from J, which means a lot. I might have fished for compliments a little, but he still took notice and that matters to me. :)

 

[bethinhfx]

Personally I don't do anything anymore to be pleasing. I should have gone to " pleasing anonymous"...:). I like housework; I find it grounding. I don't do anything anymore that I will resent later- hard won experience. I don't think having PTSD means that you can't make your bed or clean out a toilet bowl; does it? I am sure it would be good for everyone. Like Dr. Phil says, " we teach people how to treat us!". xoxoxox beth

 

[Eleanor]

I second bethinhfx - no "pleasing" ..Please!:x3:

Also, not a thing wrong with fishing for compliments. Especially from someone who might otherwise be a bit preoccupied.

H and I are working (NOW! hurrah!) at unravelling each of our 'domestic martyrdom' scripts. So it complicates things for us. Housework is grounding for me too - it is a way I distract myself from anxiety.

I also have ADD and can't "revisualize" so clutter (and removing it) is really really hard for me. It requires a level of concentration that has been difficult to come by between crises.

For me what helps most is just not having much stuff. Use up all the groceries. Don't have extra things. Don't buy books, go to the library. Only keep ten days worth of clothes available. Also, routines - clean (vacuum, dust, laundry, put away) every Sat morning to "reset" the house. I don't have the mental bandwidth to do more.

I've had to get over my resistance to getting rid of things. But it helps a TON to just have things GONE.

 

[bethinhfx]

@Eleanor: I have ADHD...Me too, keeping it simple!!! I find housework very grounding and helps get rid of clutter. I got so good at it I was actually paid to do it; de-cluttering and organizing! I am good at cleaning out spaces kind of feng shui. Its funny how we can become really good at stuff that challenges us! I am taking a med break right now. We should start a sub group for Adders can we do that? Let me know! Peace.

 

[Eleanor]

Would you like to take a road-trip and do a major organizing job in California? :)

I had to go off my meds last Jan - when I was so exhausted. I haven't gone back on. A friend (also ADD) suggested I try nicotine patches for concentration when I go back to work. I haven't felt "stable" enough to try something new yet, but hoping....

 

[bethinhfx]

Nah-ya don't want to do that. I am on dex- LOVE IT. Went of for 4 years- life got very unmanageable although I picked up yoga-- very helpful but dex just pulls it all together for me-- we are very lucky to have found this diagnosis early! Peace!

 

[Toria]

Personally... I wait until it gets so bad that I can't stand it any longer and then I throw a strop and spend an entire day pulling things out, washing floors, hoovering and dusting and feel so much better! I do keep thinking that I should have some sort of routine - Bedrooms Monday, Living room Tuesday etc etc but that would never work!!!!

 

[bethinhfx]

@Toria: Thats probably the best way- even better if you have a housekeeper! :)

 

[amethist]

Oh a housekeeper would be just stunningly simple, just the cost would stop the idea from the off.

So I do as Toria does, blitz it when I can't stand to see hubby put one more thing down and leave it there. Yea I know he should put it away, but I really think part of it is just the man thing. They know where to find stuff, just have not got a clue where it lives after they have done.

 

[Inthistogether]

I am working on developing a routine that will work consistently. I am not aiming for anywhere near perfection..just basic cleanliness and being able to find the things we need. Always having clean socks or a clean towel when you need it and keeping the kids' rooms tidy so that they can have fun in there.

I got a real kick in the pants the other day when my sister and her husband wanted to stop by, and I was too embarrassed by my completely trashed house to have them here. I am not just being oversensitive, this place would not have been comfortable for anyone to spend time visiting in.

I've been working on it consistently for the last couple of days, and it's looking much better. I feel better too, and my sis and her hubby are stopping by tonight. :)

 

[bethinhfx]

@Intothelight: I hope that everyone in your household is making a contribution. It is unfair and it send the wrong message (IMHO) for the " woman" to be doing all of the work!