Anger

[bright_morning]

Thinking on it, the primary thing that will tip me into pure rage is when someone stomps on my rights or treats me like they can do anything they want to me.

+1

Huge trigger for me as well, and also a justified reason to be angry... when the 2 mix its mushroom cloud time. More than one acquaintance has unintentionally ventured into even appearing to have this attitude towards me and walked away with a new perspective. When I am being mistreated, however, I have no issues with tearing a person a new one.

 

[Sethe]

Thinking on it, the primary thing that will tip me into pure rage is when someone stomps on my rights or treats me like they can do anything they want to me. This is when I have to (quickly) put a physical distance between me and whoever sparked those feelings because I don't trust myself.

I can relate to this a lot.

 

[bright_morning]

I try to channel my anger into better things; "The best revenge is living fabulously". My revenge is proving them wrong.

I too try to live this way. Sadly from time to time I have to deal with extremely strong urges for violent revenge. Its a bit of a conundrum for me.

Reaping what they sowed did catch up with one of my abusers and he was killed in such a horrible way that I can't even relay it without being triggered myself. He finally ran into somebody just like himself.

 

[kal]

I've been reading some diaries on the forum, and I am just so mad that other people have the power to destroy lives. I think we should not give anyone the ability to inflict us with ptsd. It is infuriating to think that someone put you in this position and while it affects you, it has no effect on them. Just plain unfair.

But forgiving is the key, because the anger will get us nowhere, life is just unfair and keeping a grudge affects our own health. I am trying to forgive by doing some exercises in a ptsd self-help book I'm reading, because my main motive is that by being angry the pain-inflictor still has "power" over me. By forgiving you actually take your power back and accept the situation and move on.

 

[Rainbow_Habitué]

I don't think it's true that it has no effect on them. Many people who inflict this kind of pain are seriously disturbed. Narcissists, for example, end up unable to trust anyone because they've broken everyone's trust and they lead tragic lives because of it. In cases like mine, where bullying is the cause all my worst bullies have gone through really hard times since then and some are still getting worse (try jail, drugs, alcohol, getting involved with a worse abuser....). I come from a small town, everyone knows everyone's business, so it wasn't hard to find out how they were doing.

I know abusers are trying to take 'power' by force, imagine the life for someone so caught up with power they cannot love. I don't think they are happy, and they are weak people really, much weaker than any of the people they abuse because they are willing to hurt other people for only their own gain.

 

[AzureMind]

My revenge is proving them wrong. Some of my best accomplishments have come from what my abusers told me were my biggest flaws. I laugh, every little thing is proof of how very wrong they were.

Oh yea, Spiderallis, I'm completely on board with you here. It's funny that you said that your best accomplishments came from what your abusers told you were your biggest flaws. Isn't it amazing how we all have the ability to transform our worst nightmares into the best dreams! I realized I had no choice but to push myself forward in circumstances like these, I felt that failure wasn't an option, and I couldn't even see it because of that.

 

[OtterMedicine]

But forgiving is the key, because the anger will get us nowhere, life is just unfair and keeping a grudge affects our own health. I am trying to forgive by doing some exercises in a ptsd self-help book I'm reading, because my main motive is that by being angry the pain-inflictor still has "power" over me. By forgiving you actually take your power back and accept the situation and move on.

I happen to agree. I also have to acknowledge that forgiveness is really hard when I have to continue to interact with a person that abused me. I lose the desire to be forgiving when a person continues to behave in the same way that they behaved before.

I'm fully aware that forgiveness is not about the other person, but I haven't been able to release this. How to forgive, or if I should even bother when a person is still being snide and condescending is as yet beyond me. I this case, knowing that this person is a damaged human being doesn't help because or current behavior. This is something that I want to solve, but getting past the utter contempt that I feel...

Well, I just don't know how.

 

[Venusian]

For a lot of years I had no anger because I was irrelevant inside my own mind.

I very rarely get angry and when I do I usually get the comment "That was you angry?" They can't believe I was even angry, it fades so quickly. Since participating in these forums it has been something I have thought a lot about and I still don't know the real answer. Maybe somewhere inside I have this same feeling, I am irrelevant, I just don't see the point. One of the abusers was angry he brought me there and angry I was still alive and she took it out on me. I had to listen while they planned how to do it. I will never know why it didn't happen, I believed it was going to. Then the first place I went to when for safety when he let me out of the car I faced another angry woman who never asked why I was crying, it just made her angrier. I was 5, I was hurt and terrified and anger just scared me more. I still shy away from conflict. I have never want to use anger to hurt anyone else but I can't use it in a healthy way either, if there is a healthy way.

 

[Spiderallis]

After getting half a dozen 'your password has been reset due to suspicious activity' emails from different sites, I'm guessing some blast from the past is angry at me again. My anger comes out in strange ways, I go cold and calm like an old-time mobster. The most angry words that I speak come out in a soft, even tone, usually while I smile. They're welcome keep blaming me if they can't own their part in what went wrong. They can keep spewing vinegar alone, I've found plenty of new friends to share sugar with.

 

[heidi]

My biggest struggle is with anger. Although I wouldn't call it anger. It's beyond anger.

 

[Loner]

I've been reading some diaries on the forum, and I am just so mad that other people have the power to destroy lives. I think we should not give anyone the ability to inflict us with ptsd. It is infuriating to think that someone put you in this position and while it affects you, it has no effect on them. Just plain unfair.

I think this is different for people who didn't have years long relationships with their abusers, but I don't feel this way. I KNOW my parents are miserable broken people. Thats why they needed to use their children as targets for their rage, for comfort, and why my mother needed to use me and mostly my brother to make herself feel pretty and sexually attractive, its because they are broken empty joyless people with no hope for real happiness at any point in their miserable little lives that are constantly seeking something to just make them 'feel better'. My mother especially, she has narcissistic personality disorder, I am sure of it. Everything she does revolves around some form of flattery either given or received. Sounds unattractive, but think about it this way, she is a pathologically lonely person that is incapable of feeling love for or from anything or anyone, including herself. That is a formula for lifelong misery.

Its easy to feel like they have so much power over me, because they still do, its easy to get wrapped up in that, but the truth is, with all my pain and anguish, I am still happier than they will ever be.

This is quite off topic, but this is actually what shook my faith in God. I don't mean to disrespect anyone elses beliefs, but saying this does illustrate my point. I was willing to accept that God gave me parents like that as a challenge and to mold me into the person I would become, but I just couldn't wrap my head around believing in, and liking, a God that would create THEM. What I mean is, they are mentally ill, and I am positive they were just born that way. What kind of God would create such miserable creatures, destined for lives of pain, guilt, emptiness, and sorrow? I have absolutely no doubt that deep down they hate themselves and feel huge gaping holes where their love should be. As bad as I have it, I do not envy them in the least.

 

[Rainbow_Habitué]

Its easy to feel like they have so much power over me, because they still do, its easy to get wrapped up in that, but the truth is, with all my pain and anguish, I am still happier than they will ever be.

This is exactly my feelings. At least those of us with PTSD have it better sometimes, in-between being overwhelmed, having flashbacks and such, we can recognize our problems which allows us to improve and heal and we can feel love amongst it all. I know far too many people who are surrounded with a wall of hatred, and can't even see it.