Undiagnosed Ptsd From Spouses Affair

[anthony]

Whilst I am not disregarding what you feel is traumatic, I am still going to disregard your physicians view on what PTSD is, because they have not diagnosed it IAW the DSM IV-TR standards, because an affair does not meet criterion A. Saying that, physicians are playing on words for self interpretation right now with PTSD, however; soon you won't have it, as you will no longer meet the criterion for the new diagnosis as per the DSM V, which will be released 2013, which states:

The person was exposed to one or more of the following event(s): death or threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violation, in one or more of the following ways:

This is what PTSD has always been aimed at for diagnosis, though the choice of words at the last writing didn't cater for some unscrupulous people playing on word interpretation, and handing the diagnosis out to anyone who had some symptoms, regardless whether they had abnormal trauma or not.

The above, DSM V classification stops it all, which means anyone who has been previously diagnosed, no longer meets the diagnostic criterion for PTSD, so they will no longer be able to state they have it for things like a relationship breakdown or such.

Again Bernie, this is far from against you personally, you are merely caught within an industry of abuse, and one that is so noticed and recognised, the APA are taking specific and direct action in changing in over the next 2 years. Your trauma is still valid to you and real, but it is not PTSD, as the disorder vs. posttraumatic stress with symptoms. There is a vast difference.

Unless you meet these new criterion, then as stated, there will be no more once the DSM V is released.

 

[Irreversibly-broken]

As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD 3 months before finding out about my spouses affair I am appalled that anyone who has not been the victim of an extramarital affair would say it does not meet the criteria for developing PTSD. I can tell you a spouses affair is the most painful thing I have ever been through. It is worse than the childhood abuse, worse than being taken away from your parents, worse than having someone threaten your life if you tell about a crime. Please let me validate that yes, an spouses affair can most certainly cause PTSD. What does an extramarital affair do to a betrayed spouse?

It shatters our assumptions about our safety in the world. It reminds us that we have no control over what happens to us. Our emotional well being is a lie we told ourselves to make us feel safe. It teaches you that no matter how much you wish you could rely on other people, this just is not true in life. It teaches us that the security we once believe we had can be stolen from you in an instant and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

It is horrifying to know that the person you chose to share your life with, someone who promised to protect you and love you is just an abusive, selfish liar. It is horrifying and humiliating to wait to find out if you have some in curable disease such as AIDS or other STD. It is painful to know that someone you shared your life with would knowingly and intentionally put your life at risk, but not blatantly, they did it covertly with a smile on their face. When the horror of it all comes out, they blame you for their decision to put your life on the line.

To know that someone else would willing play with your life for their own selfish gain is nothing less than horrifying and debilitating. It takes away your belief that the world is a just and fair place. You realize that it doesn't matter how hard you've tried to do good things in your life, the world is cruel and you are not rewarded for trying to be a good person. If you had faith in God you soon come to realize God is a creation of man, because the human mind just can not fathom how people can get away with such horrid acts and that the victim may never receive justice. Man can't accept that we do live in an unjust world and that it is every man for himself. It steals something from your soul that can never again be replaced - it steals whatever amount of innocence you have left in your soul that told you the world had good, kind and loving people in it. You soon realize that your perception of having control over the path of your life is all an illusion. You don't have any control over anything.

The only way to protect yourself from this harsh world is to harden your heart, rely on only yourself and look out for number one. Caring about other people does not stop them from hurting you, so why bother. You soon realize life is just an illusion of control - the illusion is that we have any ounce of control over what happens to us. So you sit on guard waiting for the next blow, hoping that if you can anticipate the next event it won't be as painful. You wonder what you could have done differently to have prevented this. You play it over and over again in your mind. As you go about "trying" to live life you become enraged when you hear a song on the radio, see a person, hear a word, anything can trigger the rage as if you were reliving that day all over again. relive a calendar date as it approaches years later, going over what you thought was happening at that particular time, but now knowing what was really happening behind the scenes.

Piecing the puzzle together days, months and years later. Just when you thought you had a handle on how the puzzle was put together, you begin to re-evaluate if those pieces really fit where you thought they did, never knowing if you'll complete the puzzle correctly and knowing that the only person who can help you do that is a complete liar.

Affairs steal our dreams of the future, make us doubt our pasts, shatter our assumptions of a fair world. They kill god, goodness and hope. They steal control, values, trust in humanity and a piece of your soul. Yes, affairs are traumatic! So please unless you've walked a mile in the shoes of a betrayed spouse, don't ever assume you know the depth of the trauma it creates! Infidelity is abuse, it is trauma and it is life altering!

Let me leave you with quote from a war veteran that posts on an infidelity forum.
I can honestly say this to whomever takes the time to read this post and this I swear; I am a 6 time Veteran of multiple wars and I have seen the face of death far to many times to count, my days and nights have been filled with the memories of lost friends and the tragedy that brought it. The only thing humanly possible to erase my pain was the Affair that my wife had. She saved me from my nightmares of war but burdened me with a pain that all of my worst days in combat all rolled up into a sigle moment couldn't compete with. I have never known such a pain, never in a million lifetimes should another person be subjected to this.

 

[cherryblossom]

As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD 3 months before finding out about my spouses affair I am appalled that anyone who has not been the victim of an extramarital affair would say it does not meet the criteria for developing PTSD.

While I understand your pain, and appreciate that an extramarital affair can be traumatic, it doesn't fit within the criteria for diagnosing PTSD. That's not my personal opinion, that's the facts based on the diagnostic criteria. I'm not invalidating your feelings, but just because an extramarital affair is painful, that doesn't lead to a PTSD diagnosis.

An extramarital affair may be horrifying, and it may be debilitating, but it doesn't put your life in danger.

If you already have PTSD, then certainly an extramarital affair will surface PTSD symptoms, but an extramarital affair alone does not result in PTSD.

 

[mmodica]

I already had PTSD when I dated a girl who cheated on me. Needless to say it made life that much more hellish, so I can somewhat feel your pain...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think that anyone is arguing that an affair can't cause post traumatic SYMPTOMS. Its the actual diagnosis that cannot be given based on an affair alone per DSM criteria.

 

[lauriel]

I have to say I agree that you always have to protect yourself to some extent when in relationships. I learned the hardest cruelest lesson today.

I have been in a relationship for 12 years married one and just learned that I opened myself up completely only to be tortured emotionally for two years over an affair he refused to come clean about. It was not just that pain but lies , He became a bad trigger , put me through all kinds of hell. Nightmares, and feelings that I never thought I would have to ever go through again. All the while telling me he loved me. I let him destroy a part of my soul that I will never get back. I wasted time waiting for him to care when I could have left and protected myself. I am completely devastated.

This didnt have to happen this way had he bothered to put in the effort. I know that I am the only one that will look out for me.

And yes betrayal is devastating in itself. But I dont feel its even comes close to the hell I endured as a child. A man cheating on me isnt even close to the feelings of being stalked and abused and made to deal with the feelings that haunt me daily. I feel terror and anxiety among other things that infidelity in itself could never do.

 

[matthios]

Devil's advocate response to follow:

spouse's affair leads sufferer to become suicidal. This is plausible.
Suicidality increases well into the advanced and specific ideation and maybe into the actuation stage. (perhaps there is a failed attempt)

the person then feels shock and horror about his or her own near-death.

So while I don't see the DSM IV or V specifying suicide attempts, I don't see them excluding them either. There have been a number of academic and "popular" articles on suicide attempts leading to PTSD (which often then exacerbates suicidality).

 

[anthony]

DSM does cover suicide and depression quite well already. PTSD criterion does not allow for internal dialogue to be replicated into self-harm. That is self-harm, and there are disorders for that. PTSD requires an external abnormally traumatic event to be considered. Relationship breakup is not an externally traumatic event.

You don't make diagnoses fit the circumstances, instead, circumstances fit the diagnoses. If a person is depressed and anxious, due to a relationship breakdown in which they also tried to kill themselves, then suicide is part of depression, not PTSD, and anxiety is also diagnosed for the anxious symptoms (sleep, restlessness, awareness, sweating, etc etc).

 

[Shellbell]

I completely agree with Anthony and Cherry Blossom that a divorce due to cheating does not put a persons life in danger, therefore cannot lead to PTSD.

Every book I have read on PTSD states this so clearly - it has to be an 'existence/life threatening trauma' to cause PTSD.

There are a lot of wrong diagnosis occuring out there, for non life threatening situations. Which annoys me as the person isn't getting the therapy they need.

 

[matthios]

PTSD requires an external abnormally traumatic event to be considered.

I've read and re-read the DSM "A" criterion concerning the trauma, I do not see where it specifies "external." Suicidality does not equal a de facto depression diagnosis. I've got the IV standard handy (thanks va.gov website!) I also do not understand what "abnormally traumatic" means... it also doesn't appear in the diagnostic literature. Could you clarify please?
Criterion A: stressor

The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following have been present:

1. The person has experienced, witnessed, or been confronted with an event or events that involve actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of oneself or others.
2. The person's response involved intense fear,helplessness, or horror. Note: in children, it may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior.

(if memory serves, for the DSM-V changes, the qualifier of "unexpected or accidental" death is limited ONLY for the "learning about the death of another" and nothing about one's OWN near death.

Ok- I dug it out, the only part of the DSM-V that applies is A 1, or
A. Exposure to actual or threatened a) death, b) serious injury, or c) sexual violation, in one or more of the following ways:1.directly experiencing the traumatic event(s) ")


Perhaps you're not understanding the situation I've posed... a person is suicidal. A person acts on suicidal urges and almost dies. The near-death (or perhaps an event related to it such as medical intervention) is a traumatic event which clearly involves the threat (if not reality) of "death or serious injury", this causes a response which includes "intense fear, helplessness, or horror." (going back to the IV wording just to cover ALL bases, since IV and V aren't contradictory, though V trims this)

At no point am I saying "depression is the trauma and depression causes PTSD."

Is all suicide caused by depression? No. That's not my opinion nor is contested in the medical community.

For what it's worth, this exact scenario has been accepted as a potential cause for PTSD diagnoses. If memory serves, Dr. van der "I wrote the diagnostic criteria" Kolk addressed it in the Traumatic Stress collection (albeit in passing... perhaps in the intro?).

The world of PTSD had change substantially since the then-outdated '93 Journal of Traumatic Stress article. (which says that suicide attempts SHOULD account for more cases of PTSD but for some unbeknownst reason barely do... I don't have access to that article in its entirely anymore as I'm out of academia now. I won't rely on a fuzzy memory of the discussion lest it lead anyone astray.)

 

[Shellbell]

Being suicidal is a 'choice' the person is making to end their own life. This doesn't cause PTSD as the trauma needs to be a life/existence threatening situation imposed on by someone else and there is no 'choice'. This is my understanding from all I have read.

 

[matthios]

by someone else and there is no 'choice'. This is my understanding from all I have read.

Every bit of combat a US military person has seen for forty years is by choice. Are you also saying that soldiers are now immune from PTSD and all of the diagnoses are false? I don't think so. Please point me to the literature that says that.

The recurring theme I've seen from "all that I've read" (academic and popular literature, and even offered up on this forum by armchair experts) is that there must be an actual threat to one's existence, the brain kicks into survival mode, and psychological (neurological? physiological?) mayhem ensues.

If you believe a person can try to take his own life and that absolutely precludes the brain from going into survival mode.

There are also a great number of deaths throughout history (up to and including present day) whose ghosts would love to argue with you that suicide is a choice. As I'm not a medium and would shoot myself before believing anyone is: I can't channel Socrates or Rommel...