BPD Need help understanding borderline personality disorder(bpd)

[Loveneverfails]

I grew up in a home with at least one 'caregiver' given the BPD diagnosis. Understandably the relationship was volatile and toxic. Now as an adult I'm trying to understand how to deal with this person who I cannot entirely cut out of my life, without having my life entirely taken over by their wants and needs. I am hoping there are articles and information other forum members can share with me about interacting with a family member who has BPD. Any help given is appreciated as I am relatively unsure on how to proceed. Thank you.

 

[Anna]

Understandably the relationship was volatile and toxic?

Just because the person had BPD? I find this unfair. That is like saying my father had PTSD- Understandably the relationship was volatile and toxic, please understand that just because someone suffers from a mental illness it is not an excuse for their behaviour neither is it fair to assume this. You obviously do not have any understanding of BPD.

I understand you had a bad time with the person in question, but please do not tar everyone with the same brush. Many people who have a diagnosis of BPD are not volatile and toxic.

Firstly you should talk to a professional who can give you a clear answer and understanding of BPD as a mental illness. As long as you have this view that because of this illness the person is volatile and toxic this will cause problems for you. It is not a good way to start. The best advice is from a professional.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Whoa, ANNA, calm down!!

I understand the OP. People with borderline are quite often hard to deal with, just as are people with ANY personality disorder. I sense that you're diagnosed as borderline and that's why you're defensive. Understandable.

And please don't just brush the OP off by saying she needs to talk to a professional. Would you like it if every time you posted, someone gave you that canned response? No, you wouldn't. People are here for help, not to be told to just go see a pro. If so, this board would be pointless as we'd all just be talking to professionals.

 

[Shellbell]

I understand both the OP and Anna's response, both could be taken the wrong way. But some BP relationships can be volitile and toxic, especially if it goes untreated. Like with PTSD - there are supporters on here saying that thier partner can be volitile. It does go with the territory with both these disorders.

But not all sufferers of BPD or PTSD will be abusive, aggressive or toxic (and there's no justifying this either). I have PTSD and consider myself a little volitile - as in the sense that when my anxiety and stress become too much - I can snap over little things, but it's not that I want to be like that at all - just I am only at the start of therapy and don't yet know how to control it. I'm not aggressive or abusive, but just snappy on bad days :grumpy:

I think that good treatment/therapy is needed for all mental health illnesses and that it s sad fact that relationships can suffer badly as a result.

I don't really have any advice for the OP, but really hope you can find it Loveneverfails. And as ScredOfLonely said - there is a lot of advice on here that is very helpful :)

 

[lisamarie]

I think with most personality disorders, the name of the game is boundaries. Setting your own boundaries in that relationship and sticking to them - since a person with any personality disorder is unlikely to stick to them themselves, haha.

I'm not a big fan of diagnosing people with personality disorders. But if we are working with the current clinical information/perceptions of personality disorders, they are lifelong enduring patterns of behavior which are unlikely to change even with treatment. Thus, "we" have to be the ones to change. Make sense?

 

[Shellbell]

I totally agree with lisamarie saying we can change oursleves, set our own boundaries, but I don't really agree that treatment is unlikely to help. Therapy and medication can help. Depends on whether it is the right therapist and the right medication.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Thank you everyone for the advice, obviously I don't know much about the disorder- hence my posting that I didn't and asking for help. What professionally cited information I could find online categorized many supporters of those with the diagnosis feeling that the relationship was 'volatile' or 'toxic' hence the wording I chose as I felt it fit. I feel like people are looking for an apology here and I really don't plan on making one. I admitted I didn't know much about a disorder and asked for help...and then was accused of not knowing much. Thanks again to those with some advice, it is appreciated but I guess I'll seek help elsewhere.

 

[Anna]

Here is a link you may find useful:-

[DLMURL]http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/borderline_personality_disorder[/DLMURL]

 

[Anna]

Noone wants an apology. I reread my post and I still do not see why it was viewed as being bad?

I just meant to choose you words carefully and labelling a relationship with anyone who is suffering from any mental illness in such a negative way, especially on a forum like this is not a good thing to do.

Lisamarie:- Setting your own boundaries in that relationship and sticking to them - since a person with any personality disorder is unlikely to stick to them themselves, haha.

This is also unfair. As Shellbell says, with treatment people who have personality disorders can be helped. Saying that you have to change because of the person.

I just see a lot of negative comments posted about personality disorders which in my opinion is hostile and also it is discrimination.


Loveneverfails:-
I have posted in a link above with some information about BPD that may help you. It is completly unbiased and is information about supporting and understanding.

 

[Lucycat]

I have CPTSD. My therapist said if I lived elsewhere I would be diagnosed with BPD. It is a term. nothing more.

 

[Springer80]

Personally, I don'y like the mixing of personality, behaviour and mental health. They aren't the same thing and it causes a lot of upset.

I suppose it's to do with a lot of out moded and blunt terminology that for the most part is crafted by people diagnosing rather than the people with a condition and therfore is loaded with this them and us charge. Labels are static, health isn't and how you think about yourself influences your health. BPD I find to be an antagonistic and distressing term and I don't have it.....

 

[Anna]

I have CPTSD. My therapist said if I lived elsewhere I would be diagnosed with BPD. It is a term. nothing more

Indeed, but labels can have a huge impact on our lives whether we like it or not. Also a diagnosis of an illness is important, they have to find the right treatment for you. There is no use for example treating diabetes if you are suffering from a thyroid problem, if you get my gist. Also a term nothing else? It is a psychiatric illness, just like other illnesses, sure doctors make mistakes, they are after all human but at the end of the day if you get diagnosed you normally get treated for what you have been diagnosed for or?

Here is some more information about it that maybe useful:-

Link Removed