BPD Need help understanding borderline personality disorder(bpd)

[Anna]

BPD I find to be an antagonistic and distressing term and I don't have it.....

Indeed, as it is also met with hostility and discrimination. Sadly....:(

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((LoveNeverFails)))))))

I am sorry you were hurt by and continue to be hurt by this person. A person with psychological trauma and mental illness can exhibit behaviors that are very damaging to their loved ones, particularly children. Whether it was the BPD, the NPD, the PTSD...it's good to know what the typical behaviors are of the toxic people we were hurt by so we can identify the parts of our psyches that are likely to need some introspection.

Our recovery is not about assigning blame, but about discovering how it affected us

Thankfully, there is tremendous hope in the knowledge that we do not have to 'understand' what makes other people 'tick.' That would be an impossible task.

We just need to learn some new skills for how to keep ourselves safe from them, and minimiz their effects on our lives in the here and now.

Skills can be learned by anyone willing to practice them. ...and there are skills available to successfully deal with just about anyone no matter what their behavior is.

The way to deal with this person is the same way to deal with anyone.

Self-love & self-care for you, first and above all else. Fill your life with so many satisfying moments that any negative ones become just a drop in the river of your journey. Spend most of your 'people time' only with those who love you, value you, and are supportive and non-judgmental.

Once you discover what vulnerabilities you have that need some skills to decrease the vulnerability, those things that hurt so much then will not be able to have that power over you now.

Treat yourself well. You deserve it.

One of the things that I carry so much shame over is how much my negative behaviors affect my family. It keeps me committed to trying to move forward.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I still stand by my assessment. I feel like categorizing any dysfunctional relationship where a personality disorder is present as 'understandable' is perfectly fine and would like to stress that my feelings are my own and reflect the relationship itself, not people I don't know. It is possible and understandable for a relationship to be toxic under 'normal'(using that term loosely) circumstances, thus I would think it would be even more so when there are more determining factors. I am aware that some past relationships I've had that were affected by my issues concerning my PTSD were volatile and toxic...and I am not offended and do not find it discriminatory in the least. What I had been through and my dysfunctional coping mechanisms, fears and hyper vigilance effected my behavior and it takes regulating my own behavior and taking steps to change in order to stop that from happening again.

That being said, Anna thank you for the link. It was very informative and I do appreciate it. Honestly I originally posted a lot more...but I don't really feel up to having a heated discussion with anyone about an issue that already causes so much distress in my daily life so I've deleted it.

 

[BloomInWinter]

We have a saying in Al-Anon...

"Name it. Claim it. Tame it."

Being able to give a name to my abusers behavior was a great relief in helping me understand a lot of the behaviors that were evident in our relationship. All people are unique, yes, but the cluster of symptoms in certain diagnoses can be a huge relief to those of us who grew up believing we were crazy or imagining things.

It is simply a beginning point in a map towards understanding ourselves.

I see nothing wrong with the initial post here. Anna, I'm sorry that you have found this upsetting. We don't have to agree with everything everyone says, nor like it.

When I see a thread that is 'true for them' but not for me, I am working on not taking that on, as it only hampers my own growth. I try to move on to the threads that I do find helpful to me.

Another saying we have is "Take what you like, and leave the rest."

Over the past two years, I've found triggering threads immensely helpful in that I learn how to not take things personally. I don't have to take offense to another's perception of their struggles. It is very rarely against me personally.

I focus on changing myself because that is the only person I have any authority over.

...and changing myself brings me ever greater peace in dealing with others.

Let's try to give each other compassion and allow each other to explore what is true for them. There's plenty of threads to hang out on which we can find to be 'true...for me.'

 

[Loveneverfails]

I will agree about practicing compassion. I tend to be very blunt and very rigid in how I view and handle a situation. I see the cold, stark 'reality' and how to fix it. I am trying to learn more compassion, obviously not completely there yet.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I wasn't speaking about any of the people on here in particular, just 'compassion' as a general concept for keeping forums supportive and helpful.

That we're still trying means we're all in the winner's circle, already. We just forget to tell ourselves that.

:>

 

[anthony]

I have CPTSD. My therapist said if I lived elsewhere I would be diagnosed with BPD. It is a term. nothing more.

Your therapist is an idiot, to be perfectly blunt. Looking at your profile stating Scotland, means all therapists in your location officially use the ICD for diagnosis. Some may use the DSM, though the UK NHS uses the ICD, thus the UK insurance and legal system would use the ICD. Nowhere in the ICD is there a diagnosis for CPTSD or proposed diagnosis for it.

Nobody on this forum has a diagnosis of CPTSD. It is impossible because it doesn't exist in diagnostic specifics. That means your therapist is basically making shit up outside the scope of mental health legalities, insurance and ethics protocols for treatment of mental health.

 

[Shellbell]

I've researched a bit on BPD and it's different to PTSD. Yes there are a few similarities, but from what I've read they are very different disorders. Even in my limited knowledge and don't understand how they can be so easily mixed up by 'professionals'.

I asked my therapist about the term CPTSD, she said she doesn't use that term. PTSD is PTSD, there are no variations, no different forms. But there is complex/multiple/combat trauma that can cause it. I was glad to hear her say that, gave me more confidence in her.

 

[anthony]

If anyone wants to know about the written rules list, before you even get to looking at symptoms for a personality disorder, they are:

The Written Rules Applied To Personality Disorder Diagnosis

You won't find these rules that must also be applied to a person for a personality disorder diagnosis within the symptom checklist, which so many people readily take for application and labelling purposes. These are the required factors before a physician can even review a person for a personality disorder diagnosis:

1. The traits of the personality disorder/s began in childhood / adolescence.
2. The traits affect the thoughts, emotions, behaviours, impulses and relationships.
3. The traits of all personality disorders are inflexible and difficult to change.
4. The personality disorder is impeding functioning within your life, work, school, family life, friendships and relationships.
5. The traits and habits of a personality disorder cannot be acknowledged or confused with the traits and habits of your societal cultural background.
6. If problems are caused by more specific medical or mental health problems that affect the behaviour, such as drugs, alcohol, anxiety, depression, etc, then a personality disorder is not correct diagnosis.

The above six factors must all be correctly processed in order for a person to even continue towards actual diagnostic assessment for a personality disorder.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/what-is-a-sociopath-personality-disorders-general.23710/[/DLMURL]

 

[lisamarie]

This is also unfair. As Shellbell says, with treatment people who have personality disorders can be helped. Saying that you have to change because of the person.

Like I said, if we are sticking with currently accepted clinical perceptions/information, people with personality disorders are very unlikely to change, as it is difficult to change someone's base personality. And, honestly, as much of a hopeful person as I am about people's abilities to change, you can look up the research on personality disorders yourself and see that treatment is usually not very effective for any type of personality disorder.

Hence, my original statement to the OP to set boundaries him/herself. (And I think that's valid feedback regardless of the "problem" person's mental health conditions, if any, as we can only control our own behavior anyway.)

 

[anthony]

people with personality disorders are very unlikely to change, as it is difficult to change someone's base personality.

They are absolutely very difficult to treat, and agreed, only a small percentage have success. There are many misdiagnosed as well, who get put into the recovered percentage, who never had a personality disorder to begin with. They're not common, yet the same issue with many disorders today... they're handed out like candy for monetary purposes in treatment.

 

[Anna]

you can look up the research on personality disorders yourself and see that treatment is usually not very effective for any type of personality disorder.

True, the person has to want to change and all that. It is possible though to live with the disorder. If you realise yourself that certain issues are coming to light for example paranoia.

If I realise I am becoming paranoid for example, I will think before I act, I never used to do this. Sure, the feelings and issues are still there, but you can learn to recognise them and deal with them in order to keep them under control. Indeed, it is give and take.

Also learning self respect to stop self harming for example. When I think back to when I was young, cutting and burning was normal for me, especially when under stress, I really used to hate myself. I have learned to like myself and I have not self harmed for many years. It is possible. Learning to live with it, but it does require support of course, there is nothing worse than having someone around you who's behaviour leads to self hatred and loathing.