Has Anyone Reverted To Childhood And/or Have A Hidden Life?

[Shellbell]

I watch a teenage dancing school TV program, aimed at teens. And I am in my early 40's. I was a talented dancer and I think I like watching it as escapism and I think what could have been if I had been able to pursue my talent.

I also like doing a lot of things like colouring etc, and worked in the child care industry for 6 years and loved it! Doing kid stuff every day. Was great!

I saw on a psychology TV show, that with people who are severely abused as children - often their emotional progression stops at the point of the worst trauma, and they don't emotionally mature past that point.

 

[Springer80]

Doing kid stuff every day. Was great!

I saw on a psychology TV show, that with people who are severely abused as children - often their emotional progression stops at the point of the worst trauma, and they don't emotionally mature past that point.

Hi Shellbell,
I think doing kids stuff, i.e. being allowed to play is something that everyone needs really. Its just that some of us had less opportunity for that experience. I think so called 'experts' that categorise people as static or imprisoned in that state is dangerous. Everyone's development is different, perhaps for some the issue is more pronounced but it isn't static and depending on how its handled can be integrated well. I don't want to get rid of the playful part of me. It's one of the few things that have come out of my experience that I value and I want to figure out how to capitalise on it.

Neurology is coming along alot and mind-body approaches to trauma. Traditional psychology IMO has a lot to answer for in terms of entrenching a person in a negative label and thereby creating a self fulfilling prophecy. Your become what you perceive yourself to be. Be very careful of experts and their labels.

Yeeha! :p PS...my local community centre does adult ballet for all those thwarted white swans with itchy twinkle toes! GET YOUR TUTU!!!:tup: Show us our stuff...;)

 

[maddog]

I had an amusing discussion with my T the other day about the importance of engaging our creative selves and how healing and therapeutic it is to do so, for absolutely everyone. He was telling me with much colourful descriptive flare how his kids, who adore drawing and are obviously soothed by this exercise, had been nagging him to draw animals for them. After his initial prolonged complaints that "there's only so much I can do with stick figures", he finally relented and made an attempt at drawing as they instructed.

He told me he was amazed at how rewarding and calming he found the experience to be, and how engaging that normally dormant creative part of his brain (he is an extremely cerebral kind of guy!) was an unexpectedly grounding experience for him.

So I guess this would tend to support the notion that many activities normally associated with children, notably those which do engage our creative sides, are actually quite healthy and beneficial for adults, regardless of the social norms that often dictate we shouldn't engage in them. As with everything, "whatever works" is a pretty good policy, and "whatever helps you to escape to somewhere soothing and peaceful" is an even better one.

MD

 

[Shellbell]

Hi Shellbell,


Yeeha! :p PS...my local community centre does adult ballet for all those thwarted white swans with itchy twinkle toes! GET YOUR TUTU!!!:tup: Show us our stuff...;)

I think my dancing days are over :p

I think it's good to have a playful side and enjoy children's activities, and as a Mum I'm allowed to colour in and play in the sandpit etc - well that's my story and I'm sticking to it! ;):whistling:

 

[BlueOrange]

My psychiatrist has said he thinks I missed out on opportunities to play as a child. I've spoken to him about roleplaying games, and he says that my use of them for self-therapy is therapeutic. Yay! One of my proudest achievements is an award for designing a roleplaying scenario. All my best friends are gamers, and most of them have endured something very difficult in their lives.

I used to dance, and also watch Dance Academy, when I'm not too self-conscious, anyway.

 

[Marie10]

I can remember some bad events and the aftermath- I needed a soft blanket and to lay down in a fetal position just like I did when I was a kid. I would tuck myself in tight just like my mom would do. May not seem like much but it was almost like I would instantly have to do it.

It wasn't until later when I was being abused by my boyfriend at the time that I would instantly need to do it. I would cry and could not wait for the form of abuse to be over so I can be in a "safe position" with my soft blanket, fetal position. Then that "safe position" became unsafe as glasses were thrown at me. I still needed it though and used pillows over my body. I finally got out of that relationship.

Many times I strongly feel like the 14 year old girl when the trauma began- confused, don't trust myself, over-trust others, etc.

 

[maddog]

I think it's entirely unsurprising that when we are reminded of the trauma, either directly through remembering it or indirectly through being triggered in some way, we revert to the developmental, psychological and emotional state that we were at the time of the trauma, or in other words, the time at which the memory encoding of that incident took place. This happens to me frequently during therapy when I often feel extremely childlike, and whether or not I can repress and hide this, I often feel very emotionally needy and vulnerable, very confused and overwhelmed by the world, very verbally limited and unable to communicate clearly, and all in all, very much like the child who experienced the events being recalled.

Similarly, when triggered, I experience the same strange mix of defiance and submissive terror and the same desperate obsession with unsafety and the need to seek a safe refuge that I can recall - at least in part - from childhood.

I suppose that part of trauma processing is understanding how and why this happens and working towards a place where the current level of adult mentality and awareness can be maintained in the face of the trauma memory or trigger.

MD

 

[sharky]

I saw on a psychology TV show, that with people who are severely abused as children - often their emotional progression stops at the point of the worst trauma, and they don't emotionally mature past that point.

As I am still in the long process if learning about my specifics of PTSD, that is a really interesting point. I haven't yet heard it explained that way, but that actually makes more sense than anything. It really does.

I just kind of realized, thinking about that, that I kind of 'picked up where I left off.' Wow. That really has this aspect of things for me in a new light that makes the most sense. Because 'escapism' by itself didn't seem right. I might be trying to escape feelings to some degree, but online roleplaying as wolves and coloring and things like that... Well, a lot of times I don't feel as though I am trying to escape, but just enjoying myself. Sometimes I even enjoy playing computer games designed for kids, like 'kid pix.'

Anyways, thanks for that bit of information! It really put this part of my life into perspective for me that, like I said, makes a LOT of sense.

 

[sharky]

Wow, for some reason my computer only showed me that comment I just replied to and now I am seeing all the other ones. But my computer is dying! I need to come back later and see what everyone else has said.

I do not have a therapist at the moment, and am mostly spending my time educating myself and trying to practice 'self-help.' But this whole topic has yet to come up in any of the books I am reading. So this is really important to me to see what everyone is saying to help draw my own conclusions!

 

[BlueOrange]

I suppose that part of trauma processing is understanding how and why this happens and working towards a place where the current level of adult mentality and awareness can be maintained in the face of the trauma memory or trigger.

The 'how and why' is reasonably straightforward, at a high level. When your life is in danger, your brain registers this as a 'life and death moment' and records exactly what you did to survive. The next time you're in a matching situation, the brain goes "My life is in danger! I will activate the emergency procedures and do the thing that worked last time!"

This becomes a problem when:
- The emergency system gets activated when your life is not actually in danger
- The behaviours that kept you alive last time have more negative impacts than positive impacts
- The behaviours that kept you alive last time are no longer appropriate to your circumstances (perhaps because you're now an adult, and people expect different behaviours from adults)