Has Anyone Reverted To Childhood And/or Have A Hidden Life?

[sharky]

It could be. I have no idea though, I've never gotten professional help beyond a psychologist that I lied to the entire time and she had no idea I had gone through trauma.

 

[Tenacity]

Revert back to my childhood? I didn't have a childhood. The memories are just too painful. Somewhere, (teens?) I took over being my OWN parent and I began to create a childhood. It's still work in progress. I climb trees, catch snakes and frogs. I skip and sing in public. I ask a slew of questions to strangers about work they do. I have coloring books, paints and occasionally draw on my walls. I have a HUGE stuffed animal collection thanks to my husband.

A year after I met my beloved, I took our rent money and put a down payment on a horse. It wasn't as impulsive as you'd think. I needed this horse as much as I did air to breath. I often would go out into a National Forest for days on end with or without my horse. I found I can LIVE WITHOUT most people.

Two years of therapy to find out I was as normal as possible. I did many of the things mentioned to escape, also. I also began to disassociate around 7 years old. I am still all too familiar with my dark side but I have been able to share with him. My husband spent 10 years observing my family. Enough said there.

I believe what ever YOU choose to do, you should explore without fear or regret. As long as it doesn't harm anyone including yourself.

I've been able to do this and more with the blessing of my wonderfully patient husband. I hope you can learn to do this with your (online) family.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Yes. When I was in my 20's, I started to colour. In colouring books. And I started to wear clothes like a child. I told my T. that I felt my peers were "scary grown ups." I am serious. It's in my records! And, to be honest, I remember feeling that way. I never thought it was going backward. I just was so ruined that there was no more me at all.

It brought me great comfort. I never realized how strange it was and I know that is hard to believe, but I actually became like a child again. I could pretend "grown up" but it was like a kid dressing up.

I do not know if the trauma stopped me from growing up or if I really regressed. I don't know.

This is a great question and one I will be thinking about.

 

[sharky]

You know something? I color in coloring books too! My favorite is my Lion King coloring book. And I refuse to let go of any of my stuffed animals(I also have an addiction to old disney/other cartoon movies)! Whenever I go to a store and see things in the kids crafts section, I want things from there. Like those crazy new light-up rainbow coloring books(ugh, I want one so bad, haha). My boyfriend and I also go into the toys section and Meijer and play/look all the toys.

I really have to give him credit for letting some of his inner-child out to relate to me in that sense. He's even colored in coloring books with me, and we fantasize about getting awesome toys that they have at the store.

Unlike Tenacity (I'm so sorry you had your childhood stolen from you -hugs-), my trauma happened to me when I was in eighth grade - so basically at the end of what I consider to be my 'child hood.' Although, while all my friends were still acting like 'kids' all of a sudden I was 'adult-like' in public but when I was at home I became someone completely different. I still do that, but my boyfriend is now fully aware I act this way, and he actually embraces it, which is really really nice.

You know? It really helped take an edge off for me by finally opening up to my boyfriend that there's still a child in me. But what really made me feel like letting go of a huge burden, was telling him about my roleplaying because that was my second life that no one ever knew about.

 

[Innordinate]

I color - you know, crayons, coloring books. Yup.

And I watch cartoons.

I don't know if it's childhood regression of any kind or just what I'm used to since my little brother and sisters are 9 years plus younger than me. And I have 3 kids under 10 years old.

Cartoons are generally safe, non triggering tv shows. Mostly.

And coloring just, it's calming.

 

[Philippa]

I lived in a house a couple of years ago, and mostly everyone in that house was not well.

I do recall I started to behave as though I were a Queen, and I liked this very much. It became something my housemate would use against me to belittle me when he kicked me out, after I asked him to not leave a heavy tool box on my DVD player!

I don't think I hurt anyone by pretending this...it just was a role-play thing that made me feel like I was special or powerful I guess. I didn't walk around all day acting like they were my servants or anything...though I think they perceived that I thought they were, since they did a lot of the housework...but only because they were obsessed with cleaning, which I think stemmed from their own trauma.

It wasn't that I was not interested in contributing...it's just that by the time I actually got my shit together to do anything, I found it had already been done! What can I do when people around me are always cleaning?? I didn't ask them to be my slaves...they just kept cleaning all the time. That's actually been something I've experienced a lot of in share houses.

So, it wasn't that I walked around ordering others to wash my feet and dress me and feed me...but I just liked to, in my own mind and every now and then, pretend I was a Queen.:D

I'm a little eccentric, I admit.

 

[Spiderallis]

Me too! I turn 32 this month. I play neopets, have a stack of coloring books and there's stuffed animals and dolls in nearly every room in my house. Most of the time there's a toy or few in my purse too. When I was younger I hid it. Not sure what changed, but I don't care if anyone thinks I'm crazy. It's not hurting anyone and I enjoy it, what else matters?

 

[sharky]

:) GOOD! That's the attitude I kind of have developed with my boyfriend and his sister (not their mother yet though, and it's because I live with both of them and his sister is already into a bunch of the same stuff naturally) but on the outside I'm still really shy about it. I think it's awesome that you also go onto Neopets.

 

[Springer80]

Hi,

I'm coming out to play too!!!! I sing stupid songs in the bath/shower and pull funny faces, blow raspberries that kind of thing. I like the 'Yes Do' song, which goes along to the Jingle Bells theme like this 'Yes, yes, yes, do, do ,do, yes, yes, do, do, do' :singing: . You get the idea, genius :smug: . I have another about billy goats, I like running down hills and if I go to a 'fit ball' class at the gym, I get the urge to try it out as a space hopper (chickened out so far). I also like chasing my friend tom. Silly dancing is also good.

:p:D XX Bring on the Silly!!!!

 

[Springer80]

PS, If anyone wants to try out the 'Yes, Do' song, I won't mind :) . I don't collect royalties or anything, some creativity is so profound it shouldn't be restricted! :giggle: X

 

[Red Feather]

In the hospital they told me I was regressing. My voice is really high too and when I pick up the phone, the person on the other end often asks to speak to my mother. Lol. I hate it and that is why I have such a hard time using the telephone. I've been told by a doctor and speech therapist that it is not my normal voice. And when I was taught the excersices to help lower my voice, I was totally blocked. And so the thought was that my voice might be high due to trauma as a child and that I never learned how to speak otherwise.

Also, when I am triggered and get a panic attack I am very childlike. I think it is an emotional flashback of how I felt when I was a kid. In the hospital they said I acted like a child during the group therapy, and had a complete different personality when I was at dinner or in the hallways.

I am also just generally childlike, and have that kind of view in the world. But it doesnt influence me while parenting. I think I can empathise more with my kids, but can also be strict and like a mother. So I am not always like that.

 

[Springer80]

It makes me sad that you had to go through speech therapy, I don't think it's something you can teach out or suppress. I saw a video of this doctor/phd guy who had contributed to an informational dvd about dissociation (obtainable from UK charity First Person Plural).He was really smart and then they'd show him going round in circles on roller blades in the park. It was so heart warming and inspirational.