Forgiveness - Is This A Necessary Part Of True Healing From Abuse?

[Tanishq]

Ms Spock, I think shellbell is talking about karmic results.

If you have done good deeds, you get good in the end and vice versa. Am I right shellbell?

 

[ms spock]

But for me - to have freedom and peace and no longer carry the burden of what they did - is also a slap in their face, because then they are no longer causing me the pain they wanted to inflict.

Not having to carry the burden of what they did is an outcome that can be helpful. I can see that is helpful.

I don't know if you are thinking of a specific situation - but most abusers go on and never really give us, their victims, another thought. We did nothing wrong, we aren't to blame - in my case I was just unfortunate to be a small child in a highly dysfunctional and abusive family that dished out every type of abuse.

I don't think it is a slap in their face (though in your situation, it might well be) as I don't think most of them really see us as people or who we are. We were just there at the time.

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock, I think shellbell is talking about karmic results.

If you have done good deeds, you get good in the end and vice versa.

I think that can be a comforting way of thinking. But I don't think it is a based in reality.

 

[Tanishq]

I think that can be a comforting way of thinking. But I don't think it is a based in reality.

Then what is based on reality? Our karma is the most complicated thing of our life. We only know of our this very present incarnation. If you lean into akashic records, then you can find some karmas you have done and that can affect you in other life times, incarnations.

I would like to understand what you are trying to say, Ms Spock.

 

[Shellbell]

This concerns me as this is magical thinking.

If this type of thinking if helping you get through the day for a period of time, then so be it. But it is not reality based.

I am a spiritual person, so yes I do believe in this. It's not magical thinking, it's spirituality based.

 

[Shellbell]

The concept of forgiveness is not going to rescue you or save you. I don't understand this strand of the thread.

I'm not expecting it to save me or rescue me. I don't think I have used that reference in any posts.

 

[Shellbell]

I think this could easily become an debate about spirituality or religion and that is not the point of this thread.

Forgiveness can be spirituality based, but doesn't need to be. People who have no spirituality or religion find forgiveness a necessary part of true healing.

 

[ms spock]

Well no, a lot of people don't find forgiveness a necessary part of their healing. These people often don't participate in "forgiveness" threads, as they are not relevant to them.

 

[Shellbell]

But they are welcome to and their opinion is valid and I have stated that forgiveness isn't a necessary part of healing. I completely agree with that :tup:

I have noticed though that some who have stated that they do not think forgiveness is necessary are also still stuck in negative thinking about themselves and/or the trauma/abuse. It just makes we wonder about that connection.

But for me personally, I believe it is necessary for true inner peace. But as with everyone, it is just my opinion.

 

[ms spock]

I have noticed though that some who have stated that they do not think forgiveness is necessary are also still stuck in negative thinking about themselves and/or the trauma/abuse. It just makes we wonder about that connection.

And once again we cycle around to the toxic aspect of "forgiveness" that is, if you are not in to it, then you are doing something "wrong" and not healing "properly" whereas it could be the same amount of time coming to terms with abuse and/or traumas as someone in to forgiveness. That judgementalness is quite concerning to me.

 

[ms spock]

I am a spiritual person, so yes I do believe in this. It's not magical thinking, it's spirituality based.

Just because it is religious thinking it doesn't mean it might not be magical thinking. Just because it is religious or spiritual thinking doesn't mean it can't be questioned.

 

[ms spock]

I would like to understand what you are trying to say, Ms Spock.

Magical thinking that our abusers will 'get theirs" is not based on reality. This is patently not true. I think this is not helpful in the healing process.

I also think that a lot of people use this as a cop out rather than dealing with reality. I can't see how this is helpful for acceptance and letting go. For me it bleeds right in to denial, disassociation, derealisation, depersonalisation and so forth. This is where people act out in relation to their perpetrators without realising that they are doing so.