He Keeps Contacting Me

[Sues]

A little background: I'm a domestic violence survivor. We just went through the divorce. It took two years because he's a jerk. There were errors/typos in the final judgement that need to be 'fixed' and my ex is not paying me what he owes me each month (two years of back pay that was supposed to start June 1st).

I am in hiding from him. He knows where I work, but I work night shifts and the place is locked down at night.

So he keeps sending me letters. They are full of lies, of course. I have a mailing address that I get all of my mail at, and he's sent all but one of them there. Yesterday, he went to my work and into my department to drop a letter off for me.

There was no reason to do this. He did this on purpose. It's upsetting, and I know that's why he did it, to upset me more. I'm having trouble dealing with all of the upcoming court battles I'll have to face with him, and this is just one more thing to add on top.

I had a DV restraining order, but the DA dropped the ball and it's now no longer in force.

I know there's not much I can do. I just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading this.

 

[saffy]

Hi Sues

Arghh People like this just do not get the hint. Their motive is to keep themselves in your head.

Don't open the letters give them all to your solicitor. Are their procedurs where you live to get it inforced? or a harrasment order? I know you have to log times and keep things from him. Does your boss know what he is doing?

thinking of you, it must be hard :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[JustBe]

I agree 100% with Saffy. I am also a Domestic Violence survivor. He stalked and threatened our lives for 12 years despite a restraining order and jail time for violations of the RO.

Hang in there and stay safe. (((Big Hugs)))

 

[Sues]

Thanks Saffy and Movin'On.

Are their procedurs where you live to get it inforced? or a harrasment order?

There are restraining orders here. I had one, but the DA (District Attorney) messed the case up and now it's gone.

I'm going to talk to my work and see if they will get a restraining order against him. He doesn't go there while I'm at work, so I can't claim he's harassing me. But my co-workers are upset by him. They say he's a bit scary.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sues I am very concerned for you. I am so sorry he knows where you work. I think telling them is an excellent idea. They need to keep him off of the property. I am sorry you still have to deal with him in court.Please be safe as you can. He sounds like a really scary guy.

And I agree have someone safe read the letters and warn you of danger if there is any threatened. Show the letters to your attorney. Try to get another restrainging order if you can using the fact that he showed up at your work because this is considered stalking. In California they have some good stalking laws.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. You have been through so much already. My heart goes out to you. I really feel for what you are going through. Big hugs. Mabe you could go to the police with your concerns and see if they can do anything for you.

 

[Sues]

Thanks Gizmo. I live in California. My ex is a retired police officer, so the local PD are not very sympathetic towards me. Today was spent with my boss and the security people at my work. The head of security says they can't do anything except ask him to leave if he shows up. I know all of the security officers and they are very concerned. They all have my back and wish they could do more.

So tomorrow I talk to HR and ask them if they are concerned about my, and my co-workers, safety. And shouldn't they get a restraining order out against him for the work place. Because now that I've formally complained to them, they might consider taking steps to prevent anything from happening. The word 'lawsuit' comes to mind. :rolleyes:

I'm also going to a DV center tomorrow to get help getting another restraining order. Wish me luck!

 

[ms spock]

Don't open the letters give them all to your solicitor.

I think that is a great suggestion.

Good luck in getting another restraining order back in force, I would suggest, with the addition that he is not to come to your work place and he is not to send you letters unless it is through your solicitor.

This is stalking behaviour, and as such, are illegal and unlawful.

It must be scary for you, though. Best wishes

 

[Saphy]

What he is doing is wrong and will set off triggers. Please do what you must to put into effect safeties. I like to call them that because they really help. Make sure you have emotionally distanced yourself. Have you read the letters? Keep them and claim them as harassment. Also refresh your restraining order or file a new one and explain he is coming to your work and leaving letters that make you uncomfortable. Also please please please don't agree to meet him. People like this never change and he is just trying to reel you back in. Please stay safe. <3

 

[ms spock]

If you are feeling unsafe perhaps ring a women's refuge and see if they can help you get a restraining order pronto.

Do you have a Domestic Violence Officer at your local police office?

If you see him, go straight to the police station and sit in the police station.

What about getting the security team to come out and meet you as you arrive at work and escort you in? And then they could escort you out to your car, watch you get in and see you drive off. You could ring them as you leave home so they know you are on your way, and ring the security team to let them know you arrived home safely. It will reduce everyone's anxiety, including your own. This could increase your safety and make everyone feel like they are doing something for you. This is always nice to let people have some ownership in the solution. It helps in everyone not feeling useless and powerless to do anything - because clearly there is something that they can do. So that is win-win for everyone in the situation.

 

[Mrs. Martinez]

You can file another restraining order on harassment alone. And don't toy about it, the first bit of contract call the police, they will do something if you bug them enough. And don't read the letters it's toying with you're emotions so he still succeeded in his mission.

 

[Sues]

What he is doing is wrong and will set off triggers.

Oh yeah, Saphy, I definitely had a bad day today. Like I said, I'm heading out tomorrow to file for another restraining order. Part of the order will be to stay away from me and my work.

I do read the letters. They are upsetting, but also show what a juvenile liar he is. I have them all and have them scanned into my computer and saved.

 

[ms spock]

Oh yeah, Saphy, I definitely had a bad day today. Like I said, I'm heading out tomorrow to file for another restraining order. Part of the order will be to stay away from me and my work.

I am so pleased to read that you are being proactive and are getting another restraining order! Go You! Just be extra careful until it comes into place. If you see him ring the police and tell them you are getting another restraining order. Be safe! Come back and let us know you success in getting one.

You might be worn down from being stalked so you might need to reality check with other people about what is safe and what is not safe.

If you see him ring the police and tell them you are getting another restraining order. Ask them to come straight away.

Take care