When People Don't "get It".....

[saffy]

I don't want to continue on with the conversation but I have no choice.

Yeah, I do that sometimes. I think that they will get it in a minute but the never do. They always seem to end with questions that I want or feel the need to answer. :banghead:

I am trying more to say that I am not going to try an explain it to them anymore, I do not like the feelings I get when having to go over things over and over, it is not positive and I am not putting myself through this over and over again. If you want to know more, ask. However, you are still important enough to ask advice from or get support, I can trust you to do that.

Equally, they might have not recognised that their responses are negative or based on ignorance and they do not have the capability to truley understand anyway.

I would like to think though that they care enough to be there if I get triggered in a way I think will help. I guess I have given up trying to change them and now just concentrate on myself for a change.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Pinkcake]

I went to Thanksgiving dinner today. It was nice. We didn't discuss anything to do with my PTSD at all. Its just going to be a private thing that the people who feel like they can support me through do and the people who don't feel like they can....well, they don't have to. I'm not going to be angry about it or (try not to be) hurt by it.

I think it is just an understanding. We all fell back into our normal pattern and that was good for me. We talked about my dad and that we missed him. It was the first holiday since his death. I think every one was nervous and we all teared up during grace because my dad always said it. It fell to my oldest brother and his voice cracked during the prayer....that's what made me tear up.

I'm glad I talked about it here and went in with no expectations about it and the knowledge that talking about it was a choice, no one had to understand it and I didn't need to explain myself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that is good that you do not have to explain yourself. Your self esteem must be really good. I am glad you had a nice Thanksgiving. I am sorry about the loss of your dad. That must be so hard on you.

 

[Pinkcake]

Actually, my self esteem is awful and has been for a very long time. I've never been pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, talented enough, athletic enough, educated enough, stylish enough and on and on and on. No one has ever told me those things, I just feel them.

I think with my family, I'm in more of a comfort zone than with others. I DO know that no matter what is wrong with me or what issues I have, they are going to love me anyway.

In all honestly, taking a quote from AA and Al-anon....I'm just trying to fake it until I make it.

 

[saffy]

Hi Pinkcake

Unconditional love from the family is all you need :)

I am glad you had a lovely thankgiving :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[AS1975]

It was the first holiday since his death. I think every one was nervous and we all teared up during grace because my dad always said it.

Yeah, I feel you there - my grandmother always used to "host" Christmas Dinner, and every single year she'd ask aloud "I wonder where we'll all be this time next year?". Since her loss (in 2000), Christmas has been one of my least favourite times of year purely because I get that thought.

As for explaining PTSD, I've really reached a point where I cannot be bothered, everyone copes with things differently and I don't expect others to explain to me why they can't do certain things I can, so I don't feel the need to explain to them why I do things the way I do.

There is a very simple saying, "Don't explain, your friends don't need it and your enemies aren't going to believe you anyway!" It has vastly simplified my life in so many ways, that and the serenity prayer. Good luck and keep your chin up, you only get one go at life, don't waste time on people who aren't worthy.

 

[Pinkcake]

There is a very simple saying, "Don't explain, your friends don't need it and your enemies aren't going to believe you anyway!"

I like that. Its very simple but boy, is it the truth. Thanks

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm just trying to fake it until I make it

I like that quote. I truly believe that.

I tried to talk to my younger sister about our past. She has her moments where she is understanding and confirms the things that have happened in our lives. One time, however, I brought something up. Just matter of fact, no anger in my voice. She jumped down my throat. She asked why do I only seem to remember the bad parts, she doesn't. I told her we don't always see things or experience things the same way, even if we were together. I asked if her two kids, one boy, one girl, experience everything the same. She was adamant that they did. I know better in my mind and heart.

I have two boys with two very different personalities. They may share core values, but they don't experience everything the same. When my mother was dying, my youngest went into the hospital room and remarked about all the wires and tubes that she was set up on. He is thinking about being a doctor, so he looked at it through those eyes. My oldest has been through my surgeries, and old enough to experience his dad's time with cancer. When he saw his grammy, he stood back. He was hesitant. Just as he was when he was two and I was hospitalized for heart issues. I'll never forget the look on his face as his dad was trying to get him to walk in to me.

There is no one who experiences events the same. This is why witnesses to the same event recall different things.

The people who tell me to get over it usually get ignored. I don't feel like being belittled over the way I experienced something. Especially when you think you have been through quite enough and are working to get through the pain and trauma of it all just to survive.

I'm sorry about the loss of your Dad, Pinkcake. My mother died last year. However, this Christmas eve will be the first one where we won't be with anyone. It is definitely going to be difficult and I am not looking forward to it. It was my mom's favorite holiday.

My thoughts are with you.