Orgasm During Abuse

[anonymous]

I have been thinking for a while about posting this. I had a quick look and could not find anything.

Did anyone else ever experience an orgasm during sexual abuse? I know our bodies are wired to react to sexual stimulation, but how can a person have an orgasm when it is something you do not want, do not like and don't even understand?

I hated what he was doing to me. Absolutely hated it. But my body betrayed me on a few occasions. I was too young to understand I was having an orgasm. It felt good, but felt so very wrong at the same time. And as soon as it was over, I was filled with disgust and shame. I was so confused. It made, and still makes me question, whether I wanted it afterall. If it felt so good sometimes, how could it be wrong?

I hate my body now. I can't stand it! I hate being a woman. I have asked, and begged, my Dr repeatedly to have all my reproductive organs removed and to be sewn 'shut'. Unfortunately, she won't agree.

God, I was only a little girl. How could I have known?? :'(

 

[OliviaMadison]

I'm so so SOOOO sorry that's happened to you..

It's fairly normal to feel the way you do about that situation though. I'd be disgusted with myself too. But you have to let go of it. Yeah, you might not want to, but it's not healthy (obviously) to feel that way about yourself..

Hope you get better. (:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

The body is going to respond. It feels like a betrayal of your body. It is treachourous.It is not your fault and you are innocent. Your body just responded as it was designed to do. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

It happens alot I think. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive your body. It was the abusers fault one hundred percent. Not your fault at all. I am sorry you are tortured and tormented by this. I hope you will find peace and healing in this area. Hugs.

 

[Ricanoland]

That same thing happened to me, it took me many years to understand that, he didn't change my sexual wants and needed, but delayed my understanding of what I am. I am straight, but I remember feeling horrible for my body getting off during the sexual abuse. I still get depressed about this very fact. Even if you did want it, which you didn't, it wasn't your fault that your body did that. You in no way are wrong at all. We all are sexual beings.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you for your replies. I didn't start this thread for sympathy. I am just feeling very alone, very weird, very 'alien' for having experienced that. It is incredibly wrong of me to have felt that way. Why didn't I have more control over my body?

I don't think I will ever forgive my body. Human bodies, especially mine, are just disgusting.

I have no sexuality. I am not straight. I am not gay. I am nothing.

I just don't understand how a body could be in so much pain, and still react that way? I'm sorry this happened to you Ricanoland. It is not nice. May I ask, if you don't mind, how old were you at the time? It's ok if you can't answer. I'm just curious. I feel so abnormal.

 

[Ricanoland]

I don't mind, I was 12-13.

 

[Rumors]

Think of it this way, if you cut yourself or break an arm, do you feel pain or cry? Same system of reflexes. You don't have control over those! How can you expect your body to know the difference? Especially when it is a new stimulation, one that has never occurred. Don't be mad at your body, be mad at the person who took advantage of you! I am sure you are, but please take it easy on yourself. There is no way your body could disseminate the difference. Hang in there!

 

[Sing2me]

The human body is made up of voluntary and involuntary responses. Walking is voluntary, our organs are involuntary, meaning we make no conscious effort to keep them running normal. Having an orgasm during abuse is actually very common and the abused tend to take the blame, thinking they were perverted or immoral.

An orgasm is a physical response that our bodies are programmed to have from certain stimulations. We can not mentally control it. Sex was meant to be pleasurable and our bodies don't take in to account how we feel about it. A lot of children that were abused repeatedly felt some sort of "pleasure" from it as child molesters are experts at seduction.

It doesn't reflect what type of person you are but rather what type of person the abuser was. They were very methodical in their abuse, causing you more pain and confusion to endure from not knowing what was "wrong with you". Nothing is wrong with you. You didn't do anything gross or abnormal. Sex wasnt meant to abused the way it is.

I'm sorry darlin. I hope you began to not blame yourself for something out of your control.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Such a malicious tool to inflict guilt and shame on victims!

I once read somewhere that a serial rapist admitted to forcing orgasms on his victims in order to make them confused, and question if they really wanted and liked being raped. He found that they were less likely to report the rape then.

 

[anonymous]

I am just feeling very alone, very weird, very 'alien' for having experienced that.

You are not alone, it happened to me too, when I was raped.

It is incredibly wrong of me to have felt that way.

It's not wrong that your body, and my body reacted in that way. We can't control our body's natural reactions. We can't stop our stomach from digesting food, we can't stop our heart from racing when we are scared, we can't stop our pupils from constricting in bright light. It's just not something any of us can control.

You body reacted in the way that it is designed. You are not abnormal, or at least if you, then I am too. We can be abnormal together ;)

from Anonymous ii

 

[anonymous]

Think of it this way, if you cut yourself or break an arm, do you feel pain or cry? Same system of reflexes. You don't have control over those!

Thank you for your responses everyone.

Yes, that makes sense. I know our bodies are 'programmed' to do that, but I just don't see how it cannot be stopped, especially as It was not enjoyable. At all. Well, my body obviously felt otherwise.

I feel so alien. I've never seen it discussed on here before. I thought I was strange, the 'odd' one out, the only one to have had this happen. I still think it is wrong. Very wrong. But I can understand it is a 'natural' body reaction. But it just feels so unnatural to me.

 

[anonymous]

I once read somewhere that a serial rapist admitted to forcing orgasms on his victims in order to make them confused, and question if they really wanted and liked being raped. He found that they were less likely to report the rape then.

That is just sick. And yes, it makes sense. I have been thinking all along that there must have been some part of me that wanted it or enjoyed what was happening because it 'felt good'. And maybe that is a reason why I haven't come forward about the abuse until the past few years. Human being are sick.

It's not wrong that your body, and my body reacted in that way. We can't control our body's natural reactions. We can't stop our stomach from digesting food, we can't stop our heart from racing when we are scared, we can't stop our pupils from constricting in bright light. It's just not something any of us can control.

Yes, this does make sense. But I just don't understand. I was in so much physical pain. I HATED what was happening. Yet, my body turned around and said 'Hey, I like this'

It's going to take some time for me to drill this into my head. But it does make sense.

I am glad I am not alone (although I would prefer for no one to have gone through this) Maybe I am not as sick in the head as I always thought I was.

I wonder why this aspect of child sexual abuse isn't discussed more?