Scapegoating In The Family And Its Consequence.

[Shellbell]

Philippa, I am glad your childhood wasn't as harsh, but even for those who's childhoods were not so severe from parental abuse, it still can have a very detrimental affect that causes pain and affects lives greatly.

Being singled out for any kind of abuse by a parent is terrible.

 

[ms spock]

Pure evil.

It was Philippa, as it when she mocked me at my sister's wedding 15-18 years later, that I was not part of the bridal party and that it was almost like they were strangers to me. She is so cruel and evil.

 

[Mary Black]

This really resounds with me as I have spent my whole life being scapegoated by my adoptive family. When my adoptive mother died people kept forgetting I was even there during ceremonies where her children's names were read off and then they'd laugh like it was funny that they forgot my name. They also invited various friends and siblings to perform musically but never thought to ask me even though I've always been involved in music--so I definitely relate. They really view me as being less important though they wouldn't ever acknowledge this. instead they come up with excuses.

that I was not part of the bridal party and that it was almost like they were strangers to me.

 

[ms spock]

this really resounds with me as i have spent my whole life being scapegoated by my adoptive family. when my adoptive mother died people kept forgetting i was even there during ceremonies where her children's names were read off and then they'd laugh like it was funny that they forgot my name.

That is so neglectful! So excluding and horrible!

 

[Mary Black]

That is so neglectful! So excluding and horrible!

They are so caught up in their narrative about how unworthy I am that they fail to see how cruel they are. So yes I am really sorry that you have been through this sort of thing. It pierces the very soul.

 

[Shellbell]

I understand to an extent the feeling of being different and definitely treated differently due to adoption. My father wasn't my birth father and let me know that he only adopted me because my mother made him, or she wouldn't marry him. I was 5.

He never let me forget that - and then 'disowned' me at 16. I am actually glad though that I am not blood related to him. My sister were also encouraged to treat me differently due to this, making me feel inferior and an outcast from my family.

 

[Mary Black]

That just sounds incredibly painful. What a lout he is that he did that to you. It is a little bit like being a voodoo doll of your own self, eh? And with my family it never goes away and they all agree to ostracize me but never let me out of their reach entirely.

He never let me forget that - and then 'disowned' me at 16. ...My sister were also encouraged to treat me differently due to this, making me feel inferior and an outcast from my family.

 

[Shellbell]

And with my family it never goes away and they all agree to ostracize me but never let me out of their reach entirely.

It sounds like they just want to keep on perpetuating the abuse, like my family. Like you said, their own little voodoo doll.

I'm so sorry you've gone through this too :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My parents were splitting up. My mom had moved out of the house abandoning me to my dad. They both went out for the evening. I had plans the next day to go on a float in a parade. So I left early in the morning. My two brothers and my sister vandalized a neighbors living room window.

I got blamed for this because I was not there. I was also blamed because my mom did not go back with my dad. So I was thrown out of the house, two weeks before I graduated from high school. Luckily a friend of mine knew a lady who would take me in.

I invited my family to my graduation. My mom and dad went, because my mom made him go. They did not bring the kids. I was the only one who graduated from high school.

It was a truly messed up household. My dad went crazy when my mom left him. He was stalking my mom. He got beat up by her boyfriend. He played the role of the good dad. He fought for custody of the kids and got it. He was not the best parent.

My mom had a short time of happiness. She finally got free of him. I escaped a year later and felt bad for abandoning my brothers and sister to him.

I began to live my own life. But my dad still had his hooks in me through letters. He wanted me to do stuff for him. It was like that until I got into therapy. He wrote me a letter and said for me to find the hooks he and my mom had put in us. As if he was proud. He was a very sick and disturbed individual.

 

[Abstract]

I was thrown out of the house, two weeks before I graduated from high school. Luckily a friend of mine knew a lady who would take me in.
He wrote me a letter and said for me to find the hooks he and my mom had put in us. As if he was proud. He was a very sick and disturbed individual.

(((Gizmo))))
Your parents held you responsible for their failings as parents. I think so much of this stuff happens because they need somewhere to put their anger, hatefulness and evilness. And they identify one child as somewhere to empty it into. That way everyone can feel good and just see you as all that is bad. Its really convenient! And so when we try to say no all hell breaks loose as they dont want to own their own junk.

I am sorry that you were treated so unfairly. Your fathers words and that he thought it was ok to say them says a lot about how his mind worked. He even seems smug and proud. Sick.

 

[ms spock]

The dynamics of being the scapegoat in the family is a difficult one to examine and unpack.

 

[Abstract]

I have so much I want to say to everyone but maybe dont have the time now. So a group hug in the meantime to everyone for what they have gone through. :hug::inlove: Honestly, why is it considered so politically incorrect to say that people should be evaluated and licensed before they are allowed children. You need to do that with dogs. But then some of you are adopted. So that doesnt seem to solve it either!