The Dreaded End-of-year Three Week Break

[Hashi]

After I see my T next week, there'll be a three week break because of Christmas and New Year.

I know I'll survive it, in fact I'm glad that this year it comes at a time when the focus for a while has been on coping and stabilising, rather than trauma work. Also, I can send my T an email once a week during the break and she'll write a few words back - I didn't have that with my previous T, and I'm thankful for it.

So, why am I already starting to feel lost and abandoned?

I suppose one reason is that the work we've been doing may not have been directly on trauma, but it has been deep work. In fact, it's done a lot to increase trust and communication between us.

Right now, I wish I could spend all day every day with my T in her room, feeling safe and reassured. Obviously, I can't afford that, she might get a bit tired of it and some people might argue that it wasn't completely healthy, but apart from those small points I think it would be ideal. ;)

Grrrrrr holidays!

Anyone else?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had my last session of emdr today. I got a referral for me to join a group. I have to wait two months before I can have therapy again, I am so sad because the emdr was short term only. My HMO. I am grateful for the group, it will meet twice a month. I at least will have something. Better than being cast adrift. It will be hard to wait the two months.

You are doing good with your therapist that you can email her and she will email you back. Good choice of therapists.

 

[Smushroom]

I am deeply dreading the break over christmas time. I know it happens every year, and I know that sometimes I might not see her for 2 or 3 weeks during the year, but the fact that it is Christmas time and I would feel bad even emailing her over this period, just makes me feel frantic. I will have no one. Absolutely no one in the world for those 2 weeks over Christmas time. One of the hardest times of the year for me. I don't know if I can do another Christmas alone...

I am so glad you will be able to have some connection with your T over the break. Stay safe :)

 

[Abstract]

Oh Hashi, I am sorry. It is very hard to have this type of break when we start developing this type of trust with a T and when doing this work. I think that maybe it is because our feelings are like childrens feelings. It's unfinished business in a way. The need and the fear of loss or abandonment. It's also probably really normal although that doesn't help one jot does it?! ;)

I think I understand why the work you have been doing has made you feel these feelings more. Just trusting and truly discussing things such as coping are very vulnerable making.

Grrr.. holidays indeed! What are these T's thinking when they think they should have a break! ;) All day sessions of hanging out with T sounds good!

Hang in there. You can do this.

 

[Lady Vet]

I wish I could spend all day every day with my T in her room, feeling safe and reassured.

Hi, Hashi...I was thinking as I read your post how lovely it is that you feel this ^ way. I don't feel that way with my trauma counselor or the personal counselor I've been working with. So it says a lot that you've opened up and trusted this T...says a lot about your healing. Bravo!

And you will get through the holidays :) Even if you have feelings about it as it happens :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I will have no one

You will have us. We will be here too!

I see my T twice a week. In Nov. I only saw him twice due to my illness, thanksgiving and his pneumonia. He's was out last week too. I have been trying to calm myself and tell myself I'm fine, but my abandonment stuff came up really strong last night and I am so upset. I'm going through the -I don't want to see you anymore/I want to see you everyday - stuff. I hate it! I don't like to feel this way. Now I have to go through the holidays and I think I'm going to lose most of my trust. Boo

 

[Smushroom]

Thanks monster1977. That is very true! I have just had my brithday, another dreaded event, and I did find support and companionship here :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

Happy belated birthday! You made it through! I understand, I really do.

 

[Smushroom]

Thank you :) I actually had an ok time. I decided to go and stay with some people I consider family. They surprised me with a cake and presents. I didn't know what to do. I got so overwhelmed and guilty and all the rest of the emotions. I've never had that before...

 

[Ayasha]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I'm a student and my support system is here at school. When I go home I have to force a mask on the entire time I'm there and pretend there's nothing wrong even when I'm losing my mind on the inside. I suppose that's not much different from my entire life but it's something I'm supposed to be working on.

The good news is that my counselor said I can email her over the break and I've a few friends who told me to text them so that gives me hope and makes me feel more connected than I did last year.

 

[Chosen]

It's hard when we have to have breaks. Because I have university counseling, I have a 3 month break during the summer, which can be incredibly brutal, but I always learn a lot during it, and I come out stronger in the end. You can get through this. It's great that you're going to be able to e-mail her and have her email back. You'll make it!

 

[Hashi]

I don't know if I can do another Christmas alone...

I'm sorry it's so hard for you. But as monster says, we'll be here!

Here's to it all being over very quickly.