Sleep: A Love And Hate Relationship

[YogiBear]

Hello All,

I started having PTSD after my life was threatened at work. I then got better and went back to work, only to be discriminated against and harassed. I am now in a civil lawsuit.

I want to let go of the past, but even my therapist says I cannot. She's stated that she wants me to write for two hours a day about my experiences. I have yet to implement this for two hours; I might write for thirty minutes. Perhaps her recommendation of more writing time will help me.

Long story short, I used to be a lucid dreamer who was in complete control of his dreams. I might find myself in a kitchen tasting various foods, or turning to the Science channel to hear if my own brain could produce "techno-babble."

My problem is similarly themed dreams. I experience a recurrent dream almost nightly of returning to work, being threatened, etc. I often wake up in a cold sweat, only to return to sleep and continue on with the very same nightmare.

I used to love sleep. It was my refuge. Now, I just dread it. Conversely, I don't like getting out of bed in the morning to face a new day. A new day of old memories which seem to flow to the surface.

I have legal meetings next week. This, along with the holidays, have really taken me down. I have been trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of therapists, psychiatrists, attorneys, etc. I just want it all to go away, but I realize it won't. Perhaps this is why my therapist wants me to do so much writing about my past work experience, as well as my childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse.

Thank you for reading my post,
YogiBear

 

[Sues]

Hi YogiBear! Sorry to hear your dreams have become uncontrollable. I've never been able to control mine, so I don't know what that's like. Does your therapist say that once you work on your trauma that your dreams will improve?

I wish I could offer some advice, but I can only say I feel for you and I hope that you can get some good sleep and get a break from the nightmare.

 

[YogiBear]

Hi Sues,

I need to ask my therapist about my dreams, and whether she thinks they'll improve with writing. This may be a good starting point for me.

My psychiatrist had put me on Trazodone 50 mg which I found out stimulates dreaming. I have stopped taking this med, but will have to make an appointment with my psychiatrist about this.

Thank you for chatting with me,
YogiBear

 

[Sues]

You betcha! I know most of us have problems with sleep and it's so frustrating and scary. Hang in there.

 

[mamachick]

Hi YogiBear,
I relate completely. I began symptoms of ptsd after being falsely arrested and assaulted by a cop in my home 4 yrs ago. I am also in a lawsuit. My sleep has waxed and waned over the years. There was a period when I awoke at 3 am every morning. Now I dont usually go to sleep until daylight, around 7 am.

When I do sleep, my dreams are related to the abuse in one way or another. Even when not directly related, I dream about other things that happened in my life that bring about similiar feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. I tried for a year to recover before I went ahead with lawsuit. I thought that I needed to just get over it-but I couldnt as much as I want to.

I have to take xanax to sleep at all. If I dont, I just burn myself out. I love my sleep still, and now I dread it as well, and I think my body fights it in fear of being drug out in the middle of the night. Once I am asleep, I also do not want to get up and can sleep 20 hrs if I allow it. I attribute that to a depression since I no longer enjoy what I use to . My days often feel like ground hog day.

I am sorry you are experiencing this also. I hope it gets better for you. I have been taking a hot bath and having relax time before going to bed and it has gotten a tad bit better.

 

[YogiBear]

Hi YogiBear,
I relate completely. I began symptoms of ptsd after being falsely arrested and assaulted by a cop in my home 4 yrs ago. I am also in a lawsuit. My sleep has waxed and waned over the years. There was a period when I awoke at 3 am every morning. Now I dont usually go to sleep until daylight, around 7 am.

Thank you for your understanding. I am going to take your advice on having the hot shower at night. My legal fight continues, and I have been falsely accused by the opposing counsel of being other people with my same name, and a whole mountain of other garbage.

I have been videotaped outside my home. Pictures taken of my house. My old life in ruins. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not the same person who I once was. I have never in my whole life experienced this much pain.

Knowing that another person also understands this pain helps me gain the strength to persevere.

 

[nimkekaa]

I use to have so many nightmares that I would have panic attacks when I was suppose to go to sleep. I am now on prazosin which has helped so much.

It's a blood pressure medication with a good track record for dealing with nightmares. Check under meds and you will find a thread or 2 on this med.

It has definately helped with the nightmares and it makes it much easier to fall asleep. I have to read when I first lay down in bed to stop my head from over thinking. Now I fall asleep easy with the prazosin. (I still have to read)

There are very few side effects with this medication. Maybe it's something you can talk to your doctor about.

I hope your sleeping inproves.

 

[YogiBear]

I use to have so many nightmares that I would have panic attacks when I was suppose to go to sleep. I am now on prazosin which has helped so much.

It's a blood pressure medication with a good track record for dealing with nightmares.

Thank you so much! I was taking Cardura for sleep to combat nightmares as well as during the day for flashbacks. I think you are right, the medication did help me.

While on it, though, I could not remember any of my dreams. My blood pressure also dropped, which is not good since I have low blood pressure/hypotension. I was taking three pills a day at the time, perhaps I could go back on it at a lower dose? I'll ask my P. :)

Thank you again for your comment, it's got me thinking.

I hope that your sleeping improves, too.

 

[mamachick]

I was doing better for about a week, now I am back on the ugly cycle of not being able to sleep during normal hours. Seems that the littlest things can throw it off. I finally went to sleep at 4am and awoke at 8 pm. After 16 hours, I still did not want to get up. Now that I am up, I know my cycle is screwed-unless I stay up all night and go to bed Friday about 9 or 10 pm. I want to find a solution without all the medication.

I know this sounds weird, but I understand Michael Jacksons problem that led to his death. I have found myself so desperate that if I were in his position (personal Dr.), I would not trust myself. A year after my trauma, I had an elective procedure (operation) with anesthesia. That reset my clock for a year. When it went out of wack, I had another elective procedure. I think it would have worked except we had a death in the family unexpected and I had a relative and her animals come to live at my house. When I get put under, it feels like the best sleep I have had in years. I doubt others have had a similiar experience but I have kiddingly (serious) told friends I like operations for the sleep benefit.

 

[YogiBear]

I know this sounds weird, but I understand Michael Jacksons problem that led to his death.

It does not sound weird to me at all. Having gone through this cycle of trauma, I understand that we want to get away from it. That said, I now realize that we can't.

My sleep is totally screwed up. I met up with my T this week, and she asked me quite frankly if I was happy with her and my progress. I told her I was. I am having an exceedingly hard time, as my trauma has become a legal matter for the past two years. I cannot escape it, my T agrees. I have to be able to recall events, dates, times, people, etc. I am so tired of talking about it.

Like you, I realize that life goes on. Even in ordinary life, people get stressed. The stress I feel over these normal day-to-day stressors has increased, or at least my perception thereof. I am so sorry you're going through the same thing.

I am choosing to ween off my anxiety meds. I had one P recommend that I take 3 mg Klonopin a day and 4-6 mg Xanax at night. In the end, it got to the point that the meds didn't stop my panic attacks, nor did that help my sleeping. I chose to get off them after my P told me that sometimes your friend becomes your enemy.

Indeed, he was correct. Now I am down to 0.75 mg Xanax during the day. Looking forward to continuing the ween beginning in January. I will then make sure to decrease by 0.125 mg every two weeks. I went through horrible withdrawals decreasing from 6 mg over months. I am so tired of this

I read an interesting book called Conquering PTSD, by Victoria Lemle Beckner PhD. In a nutshell, the book goes on to say that we need to accept the uncomfortable feelings, sensations, etc, that come with PTSD.

I sleep, albeit not the way I'd like to. I seem to be going through a phase of insomnia lately. I have horrific nightmares about losing my job over being a whistleblower. I used to love sleep so much, now I don't want to face it.

I remember I used to escape through sleep. How very much do I miss that. Try having a light, healthy snack. Bananas are high in potassium which can calm nerves. I also like Sleepy Time Extra Tea, kava tea, valerian tea, etc. Try napping while listening to the TV, music, etc. In the end, I wish there were a magic cure. I can only say that I think sometimes we fight things too much.

 

[mamachick]

I dont know what I did but did not mean to quote your post yogi and I dont know how to undue. Meant to hit like and must have hit reply.

I feel a lot in common with your situation. Yes, Im a whistle blower. I got assaulted by a hot head cop that insisted that I was someone else. Had I of been that other person, he had no right to assault a calm reasonable person. He also put a gun in my face. I see that when I close my eyes at night. Sometimes I am almost asleep and I jolt out of a calm state into a state of panic. It comes from nowhere. Today I had 3 injections in my spine for the damage he caused to my body, which is much less than the damage to my psyche.

I was using too much xanax-at least more than prescribed and I have never intentionally done that. Some days the recomended dosage is not enough. My dosage is only 2---.5 mg per day. My immune system is shot from physical and mental experience. Erratic sleep, trouble eating and digesting. Pain meds have damaged something, likely ulcers, liver and gallbladder enzymes elevated.

I weaned down to one xanax per day but then got re-activated and back to 2 or 3. I am trying to wean off as you. It is too easy to build a tolerance when we are in such a state.